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malkat

Jokes about the movies

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I'd like to start off with my favorite, which comes from a Three Stooges skit.

 

Moe is a film director working for the fictional Miracle Pictures, and he gathers the actors around him. He gives them a quick pep talk:

 

"And remember the slogan of Miracle Pictures-if it's a good picture, it must be a Miracle!"

 

I crack up every time I hear it.

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"And remember the slogan of Miracle Pictures-if it's a good picture, it must be a Miracle!"

 

I love that line. The Stooges should be given an hour every Saturday devoted to them on TCM, the way Cartoon Alley is, and showing individual shorts between movies. Now that they're showing all these Columbia flicks, maybe there's a chance.

 

Brighto, Brighto

It makes old bodies new

We'll sell a million bottles

Uh woo woo woo woo woo woo

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I read a story that the Stooges refused to allow their movies to be shown in Russia, because they were afraid they would be used as propaganda to convince Russians that all Americans were stupid and violent.

 

Well, the Russians wouldn't have been off the mark by much . . .

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I thought I would dig up this topic and let people jump in with quick movie humor, whether from the films or if it's something made up (and as the following demonstrates, however dumb).

I found it odd that in the mid-70s, some Warner Bros. people actually considered casting Steve McQueen to play Superman before they fortunately settled on Christopher Reeve, which led me to create this riddle:

Q: Why did the studio execs want Steve McQueen for the role of Superman?

A: Because they heard he had a great "S" cape.

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From, The Player (1992)

Larry Levy (Peter Gallagher): "I'll be there right after my AA meeting."

Griffin Mill (Tim Robbins): "Oh Larry, I didn't realize you had a drinking problem?!"

Larry Levy: "Well, I don't really, but that's where all the deals are being made these days."

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From the Mad Magazine parody of The Godfather (1972):

"We were going to leave the horse's head in your bed...But seeing as you're a movie producer, we thought THIS might be more appropriate."

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So....  what WAS it, Eric?  :huh:

Back when there was still a lot of public hoopla about "colorizing" old movies, DOONESBURY chimed in with Mike and Zonker talking about it.  Zonk asked, "What's all the flap about it anyway?"  and Mike says something like, "Some people feel colorizing old films desecrates the integrity of the director's art."

Zonker replies, "Art?  I thought we were talking about MOVIES."    ;)  :D

Sepiatone

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I found one line quite witty on an episode of the "Hawaii Five-O" reboot recently. The team converges upon the villainous rich guy's home and the butler asks if they have an invitation. A Five-O member flashes his badge and says "Yes. Mine is engraved."

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Another "ugh" type of riddle I came up with. I'll present this one as a "Match Game" question for you to fill in the blanks:

Q: Why is "The Maltese Falcon" such a great golf movie?

A: Because it has both a  _______  and a  _______.

Anyone want to guess before I fill in the blanks?

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OK, here's the answer:

Q: Why is "The Maltese Falcon" such a great golf movie?

A: Because it has both a Bogie and a birdie.

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13 hours ago, Sepiatone said:

So....  what WAS it, Eric?  :huh:

(Keep working on it...Try looking at the horse from the other end.)

5 hours ago, Defenestrator said:

Another "ugh" type of riddle I came up with. I'll present this one as a "Match Game" question for you to fill in the blanks:

Q: Why is "The Maltese Falcon" such a great golf movie?

A: Because it has both a  _______  and a  _______.

Anyone want to guess before I fill in the blanks?

Nuh-huhh, I said:

charles-nelson-reilly-5.jpg

(Well, close enough.)  ;)

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OK Eric, gotcha.  and I'll thank DEFENESTRATOR  for providing a photo of one.  ;)  :D

Sepiatone 

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Not sure why I would be able to get an image of such a thing, but those Mad magazine movie spoofs have to be one of my fondest memories growing up. Those great artists Mort Drucker, Angelo Torres and Jack Davis and writers Larry Siegel, Stan Hart, Arnie Kogen and Dick De Bartolo, among others, may have collectively made me laugh more than anyone else I can think of outside of "SCTV" and "Monty Python." The first joke of theirs that comes immediately to mind is from the "Rocky" spoof ("Rockhead") where Paulie tells Adrian she may as well throw the turkey out the window. We next see "Rockhead" Balboa out on the sidewalk through the broken window, with Paulie telling Adrian "Not THAT turkey, THIS turkey!" gesturing to Adrian's Thanksgiving roast.

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Why is the Star Trek Enterprise like a roll of terlet paper? :D

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8 hours ago, cigarjoe said:

Why is the Star Trek Enterprise like a roll of terlet paper? :D

Bet the answer to this has somethin' to do with the mispronunciation of the seventh planet from the sun, doesn't it CJ. ;) 

(...well, I'll bet it's not quite as funny if you don't mispronounce the name of that planet, anyway)

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Where does Superman park? On Lois Lane.

Why did the Jedi cross the road? To get to the Dark Side.

Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar weiner.

 

 

 

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