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Kid Dabb

Movies are the answer

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Possessed

 

her. For this was the only means by which he could effect his escape from the smelly, gelatinous belly of this lousy, drowsy cetacean. In an instant the toymaker, now within Chrissie's body, was expelled through old smelly-belly's spout. "Free! Free at last!", he shouted. "Now to ..  "

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Wake Island

 
... so that I can get as far away from Snowstorm Jonas as I can!"
 
And with that, Mr. Limpit concluded his tale of When Chrissie Meet Geppetto.
 
Which caused Big John to turn to Square John and say: "So now what do we do? Do we head for that island to find a person who is externally female but internally male? Or do we search for that whale to find a person who is externally male but internally female?"
 
To which Square John replied: "Hey! We're stereotypical guys! Do you really have to ask that question?"
 
Which caused Big John to grin and say: "You're right. You're absolutely right. We should ...

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Gun the Man Down

 

... then call Doc Francis. She's a very good physician who desperately wants to have children but can't conceive. And... AND... she was stunned... STUNNED, I tell you,  to discover that her cad husband is not only having an affair with her close friend but has also gotten her pregnant. She'll know how to flip these guys back into their own bodies. Take up that pen and paper - write: "Dear...

 

 

(I thought I'd have a bit of fun with this one. It's a paraphrase of a recent film review by Leonard Maltin)

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John Carter

... We've heard that Dr. Francis is too embarrassed to show her face on Earth because of what her husband, Warren William, did and is hiding her shame somewhere on Mars. Can you let her know that we've all seen his movies and no one down here blames her for him being a bounder? And that we need her back here pronto because we have a bad case of ...

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SPRING FEVER!

 

...We are so sick of springs here on earth. What shall we do?"

 

Just then, Coily the Spring Sprite popped up and said, "That's it, no more springs, ever!" All the springs disappeared throughout the universe, and Coily joyfully shouted, "No springs! Heh Heh Heh!"

 

Out of nowhere came a gunshot, destroying Coily and bringing back all springs. Warren William stood with his gun still smoking. "You saved the day!" Big John said.

 

Warren William blew the smoke off his gun and said ...

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The Lone Wolf Strikes

 

... in the name of Pre-Coders everywhere! Because she was making bed springs disappear too! And it is not as much fun being a Pre-Coder when one has to be one in an uncomfortable bed!"

 

Which caused Big John to smile in agreement. And Square John to smile in confusion. And Mr. Limpit to smile in ...

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Duffy's Tavern

 

... where, for some unknown reason, he suddenly found himself standing with ale in hand singing the last line of "So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish" - along with the other 30 odd individuals about. 

 

Someone must have hit the improbability drive - but who?

 

Suddenly, just as suddenly as his appearance in the tavern, he felt an incredible urge to spout line # 2,568 of the Vogon poem: "Oh limey, your seedle came for a washing".

 

But first, he knew he should visit ...

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The Great Gildersleeve
 
... because Mr. Limpet was caught in a mash up between 1940s radio and 1980s science-fiction and decided the former was safer than the latter. So he grabbed a large fish bowl, fled the tavern at the end of the universe before anyone realized that he didn't drink like a fish, jumped on an intergalactic freight train bound for Summerfield, took a flying taxicab to Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve's house, paid the driver, Korben Dallas, with a fin, bounced on his tail up to the front door and knocked on the door. Unfortunately, when Birdie answered the door, she instantly grabbed him, cleaned him and, later that night, served pan-seared tilefish with garlic, herbs and lemon to Gildersleeve and his niece and nephew.
 
On the other side of Summerfield during that same dinner hour, Judge Hooker walked up to a different door, knocked on that door with his cane, and then heard ...

 

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THE SOUND OF MUSIC

 

The music was so loud it overpowered everything. All were confused by the mellow, Alpine, close-harmony singing. Suddenly a nun and seven perky Swiss children in matching upholstery outfits came marching by, yodeling, dancing, and lulling everyone into a sense of peace and security.

 

Then suddenly, the youngest child, Gretl, pulled something out of her picnic basket-- A MACHINE GUN!! She shot at everyone in sight in blissful glee. The other children pulled grenades out of their pockets and launched them willy-nilly, still singing all the way.

 

"High on the hill was a lonely gunman

Le-di-yodel-le-hi-oh-de-le

KA BOOM!"

 

The violence that ensued was incredible. Oh the humanity! When the Von Trapps finally ran out of ammo, they surveyed the carnage. Everyone was dead, except...

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The Happy Hooker

 
... which is what Judge Hooker was since none of the von Trapp family had noticed him cowering on the porch once the shooting started and, therefore, he had escaped bodily harm. So far. But then, Brigitta, sensing that something was lost in the space around them, spun around, noticed the judge by the front door of the house and aimed her Thompson in his direction. Which caused the judge to fall back in fear against the door and caused the unlocked door to swing open and caused the judge to land on the floor inside. Which led to Brigitta's volley peppering the wall of the foyer above the judge's head rather than stitching the judge's chest. Finding himself still unharmed, Judge Hooker slammed the door with his feet, braced his back against the wall and used his supine body to hold the door tightly shut. But, before he could figure a way out of the von Trapp trap, he realized he wasn't alone in the house. For staring at him from the living room sofa was ...

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The Happy Hooker

 
... which is what Judge Hooker was since none of the von Trapp family had noticed him cowering on the porch once the shooting started and, therefore, he had escaped bodily harm. So far. But then, Brigitta, sensing that something was lost in the space around them, spun around, noticed the judge by the front door of the house and aimed her Thompson in his direction. Which caused the judge to fall back in fear against the door and caused the unlocked door to swing open and caused the judge to land on the floor inside. Which led to Brigitta's volley peppering the wall of the foyer above the judge's head rather than stitching the judge's chest. Finding himself still unharmed, Judge Hooker slammed the door with his feet, braced his back against the wall and used his supine body to hold the door tightly shut. But, before he could figure a way out of the von Trapp trap, he realized he wasn't alone in the house. For staring at him from the living room sofa was ...

 

 

The Creature from the Black Lagoon

 

…who immediately sensed something wrong and through his interpreter elicited horripilating sounds that roughly translated to “Sorry, wrong story.” Judge Hooker immediately sentenced him to 20,000 leagues above ground which meant that the beast would have to sustain himself on Big Mac’s and flavor straws, a fate worse than death for a creature. Judge Hooker felt quite good about himself and commenced examining his fingernails with smug self-satisfaction when he suddenly heard the voice of Brigitta (who had evidently heard a commotion) crying out…

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Death to Smoochy

 

... just before her hand grenade was dropped through the transom window above the door and exploded just above the prone Judge Hooker whose last thought on this plane of existence was "How the heck did she know that my screen name was Smoochy?"

 

And whose first thought on the next plane of existence was ...

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In the Bedroom

 

...which embarrassed him because he was a moral man (sometimes) and didn't like being in compromising situations. He slinked away without learning the identity of, uh, well, ahem ...anyway he finally decided that concentrating on being a judge was his best defense against any unseemly accusations but first set upon the task of learning how he survived that fierce blast. So confused was he nearly felt a longing for Brigitte. Then suddenly a thought came to him, namely ...

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All My Sons ...

 

... will miss me because the thought was that he did not survive the blast after all and that he was most probably transitioning to the other world. He seemed to be floating in white jelly that made everything appear translucent but he thought for a moment he could make out the Pearly Gates. The only problem with this is that he seemed to be sinking, not soaring. All of a sudden ...

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Daybreak

 

...broke anew and he could see it was not just a new day but a new world as well. Memories faded and a clean slate was formed within the thin veneers of the mind, a tabula rasa, and he realized that new adventures were forthcoming, just what he knew not, but the anticipation was there.   The first indication of a new life (a new movie?) became apparent when he thought he saw in front of him ...

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Son of Godzilla

 

...newly hatched from his/its' egg.  The irritating buzzing sound must be Sonny Boy telepathically calling for Daddy---or Mommy.  Judge Hooker looked around uneasily.  There were a bunch of dinosaur sized insects about to make a meal out of Sonny; in the distance, he could hear Big G roaring angrily.  He spotted a four leaf clover all alone.  He picked it and wished for...

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