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scsu1975

RICH'S B (AND WORSE) HORROR MOVIE THREAD

235 posts in this topic

Mae Wasp... groan... I knew it. She's going to pun ish us. And I thought my penitence of THE GIANT CLAW might be sufficient. Oh Lord Of Volcano Gods, can we just throw in a few more politicians instead?!!

 

I think we're in for big trouble. Not in Lloyd Bridges would bail us out.

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Terror in the Haunted House (1961), aka My World Dies Screaming
Directed by Harold Daniels

http://www.hulu.com/watch/37957/terror-in-the-haunted-house

Cathy O'Donnell, billed here as Kathy O'Donnell, plays a young newlywed who has been experiencing recurring nightmares about an old house. We immediately suspect her husband is somehow involved, since i) he does not appear too sympathetic, and ii) he is Gerald Mohr. After a brief stay in Switzerland, they move back to the States, where Mohr has rented them a house. Can you see this coming?

oooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeoooooooooo

O'Donnell screams as they approach the house - either because it is the house of her nightmares, or because John Qualen is staring out the window. By the way, we've just met 60% of the cast (I am not counting Qualen's dog). Since the opening scene involves a psychiatrist, let's increase that to 80%. Only one cast member is yet to appear.

O'Donnell and Mohr meet the creepy Qualen, who is the caretaker and is one brick short of a load. After O'Donnell convinces Mohr she can't stay in the house, they try to drive off. But Mohr's car won't start.

oooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeoooooooooo

Bill Ching arrives and wants to know what Mohr and O'Donnell are doing in his house. Ching looks like Dennis O'Keefe after you've had a few drinks. He can't act. However, he is not nearly as bad as his lesser-known actress-sister, Belle Ching.

The remainder of this 76-minute saga is concerned with who's crazy, who's screaming in the middle of the night, who's an axe murderer, and who's on first.

The decor of the house has to be seen to be believed. There are paintings everywhere. On one wall, the Mona Lisa is lined up alongside James Monroe or some other President ... I couldn't tell for sure.

O'Donnell goes with a slightly British accent for some unknown reason, which makes her sound like Jean Simmons. She looks pretty much the same as she did in 1946's Best Years of Our Lives, and acts about the same as well -  continually overwrought. Mohr has a great voice, but I never considered him a leading-man type.

The movie is not bad. The filmmakers use a gimmick called "Psycho-Rama," in which images of demons flash momentarily onscreen (so I can assure you there is nothing wrong with your television set). They also flash subliminal messages. I was able to spot "Scream Bloody Murder" and "Palin in 2012."

Overall, the film has a soap-opera quality, as we find out that virtually everyone is related somehow. The actors also spend several scenes looking at each other's backs and glancing off to the side (in Ching's case, probably to read cue cards).



Cathy O'Donnell is spooked by the large lollipop on the psychiatrist's desk.
oPxCyhF.jpg



"Oh no, not those damn bulldozers again!!"
BTkz6on.jpg



Bill Ching and Cathy O'Donnell argue over who gets possession of the oil painting of
C. Aubrey Smith.
gTKZN1D.jpg



"Marry me Homer ... or else!"
yG3ZrPW.jpg



Bill Ching and Gerald Mohr argue over who gets possession of the oil painting of Rachel Maddow.
NnbapU8.jpg



"Today ... Poland. Tomorrow ... ze vorld!"
8FbPRx1.jpg

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> {quote:title=scsu1975 wrote:}{quote}

> Cathy O?Donnell is spooked by the large lollipop on the psychiatrist?s desk.

> < img src=http://i267.photobucket.com/albums/ii310/scsu1975/untitled1-31.jpg width=300>

 

I'd be spooked, too, if I saw one of those in a psychiatrist's desk.

 

Another great review, Rich, thank you for sharing with us. :)

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"Mae Wasp... groan... I knew it. She's going to pun ish us. And I thought my penitence of THE GIANT CLAW might be sufficient. Oh Lord Of Volcano Gods, can we just throw in a few more politicians instead?!! - < OllieT >

 

No pun ishment, big boy. But you will get my review on "Wasp Woman" before weekend's end. By then, Rich & Bronxie will have gone full steam ahead with the next one.

 

I love Cathy O'Donnell, Rich. Let me gird my loins before I read your review. She didn't deserve to be in this film. She was a lovely actress.

 

O boy, WHAT am I saying? Look what thread I'm in. Ciao!

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Another fantastic review. Bill & Belle Ching? Didn't they have a siamese twin at some point? Kah, or something like that? Short name - chopped off, I was thinking.

 

"Marry me Homer!" and "Painting Of C. Aubrey" get my vote, although "Tomorrow zee vorld!" is right up there, too. (I mean, I never ONCE saw Adolph and Bill together - at the same time. Did anyone else? How do we REALLY know what happened to good ol' Dolph?)

 

This movie REALLY needs some zombies with radio-wires splaying around their head. Maybe some giant insect wings ready to sprout, too. "Dear Rex Reason - wanna be in another film?"

 

(I need to steal CM's closing line - "O boy, WHAT am I saying? Look what thread I'm in.!")

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You've done it again, Rich! Another masterwork review with TERROR IN THE HAUNTED HOUSE. I'm ashamed to say I've never even heard of this one, can you imagine?

 

I'm still working on the name I'm going to use for our television debut.

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A leaking faucet and gurgling sink had me calling Rusty the plumber this past week.

 

If you remember, he told me he has royal lineage and is an earl. That's not the half of it, which I'll relate in my Mom thread, but what is relevant here is:

 

One of his relatives was a make-up artist, and in DEATH CURSE OF TARTU played the 300 year old witch doctor.

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> {quote:title=MissGoddess wrote:}{quote}

> Rich, I just read your and Bronxie's reviews and I'm still grinning. My doctor told me if I laughed too hard it would hurt. He was right. I'm laughing...hard. And it hurts!!

>

> You've GOT to include those screenshots and captions on your show. Maybe as a powerpoint presentation. :D

>

> Terrific stuff down here, I haven't had a laugh like this in a long time.

 

I'm thinking I might need a new wardrobe for Rich's and my t.v. program.

Can you see me as a blonde?

 

BEWITCHED_blog.JPG

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> {quote:title=Bronxgirl48 wrote:}{quote}

> One of his relatives was a make-up artist, and in DEATH CURSE OF TARTU played the 300 year old witch doctor.

 

I've seen that movie on TV. It was shot in the Everglades.

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I'd really love to see it now, since there's a connection to my plumber, LOL. (of course I'd want to anyway) He told me when he retires in a few years, he's going to write a book about his family.

 

It should be very interesting.

 

Can you review this?

 

Edited by: Bronxgirl48 on Feb 14, 2010 1:40 AM

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When Dr. Zinthrop waxes anthropomorphosizically about wasps with:

 

?Don?t worry, we understand each other. They know who are their friends.?

 

We know already he?ll be done for in 1959?s ?THE WASP WOMAN.?

 

?Already I?ve learned to slow the process of aging. Soon I shall be able to reverse it entirely.?

 

All scientists have great motives: they stop war, cure cancer, make babies, grow hair. But someone always finds a way to bastardize Science?s good intentions...ha, and it?s usually the Scientist.

 

I really liked this creepy old doctor, played by actor Michael Mark. He seems so harmless and earnest. Why, he doesn?t even need a written contract (foolhardy decision). B?cuz of his ?friend- ship? with wasps, he is socially awkward with women. Note his approach with the secretary sitting on the desk...stop and stare...and awkwardly smile. Say nothing. Yup, that usually wins us gals over. ( Shut-ins take note how NOT to make friends and influence people ). But I liked the little crackpot and his European ways.

 

When he discovers his experiment has a lethal failure factor, he walks out of the lab like a zombie. Poor man, he?s a failure. Dreams of fancy cars and even fancier women are down the drain. I love the low budget way Corman simulates the doctor getting hit by a car. Zinthrop steps off the curb not looking left or right (as we were taught to do as children. Obviously the doctor was a boy before the invention of the automobile). He steps off the curb, we hear the screech and thump of a car as the good doctor falls back onto the curb. I would have loved to see what he did off camera to execute that move. That had to be hard since Mark was seventy-three at the time of the movie.

 

He didn?t really look like he was hurt that badly, but when we see him attended to by doctor/ director Roger Corman (a double major at USC probably), our wasp-friendly scientist is all bruised up and his head is bandaged like a lobotomized mummy. Guess this is testimony to our once proud and vibrant automobile industry; back then cars rolled off the assembly line made of steel and packed a wallop.

 

?I?d stay away from wasps if I were you Miss Starlin. Socially, the queen wasp is on level with the black widow spider. They?re both carnivorous. They paralyze their victims and then take their time devouring them alive. They kill their mates in the same way too. Strictly a one-sided romance.?

 

And this is a bad thing?

 

This was spoken by snarky company scientist Arthur Cooper, played by William Roerick, (who might have had a relationship with Miss Starlin back in the beginning of the company). This pipe smoking, rather handsome man didn?t mind putting Mary?s job in jeopardy when he asks her to get the Scientist?s incriminating letter from Miss Starlin?s desk. And when she steals the letter, she doesn?t even put it in a folder. I chuckled as she scurries to her desk, letter fully exposed behind her back. Some corporate spy she is; she?s no Moneypenny. She?s not even Agent 99 though she does remind me a little of Loretta Young. (But yes Bronxie, I do notice the equine resemblance).

 

I love the crazy kooky wacky dopey xylophonic musical interlude used during the montage of the scientist?s experimentation. You musicians out there probably recognized the repetitive theme it had. When the Detective (an oft-seen character actor reminding me of Jeff Chandler) sends his men out to search for the doctor, the same music was used. The streets they were driving through in their search for said Scientist (479 West 73rd Street) was certainly NOT Manhattan. The music used when Starlin gets her first injection is a portent of ominous things to come. Can?t she hear it...it?s loud enuf. I love good old bad ?B? movies music. (And Corman is a veritable DeMille in his producing and directing of these seventy five-minute epics). The music helps us along in case we lose our way with the complicated and multi-layered plots. Allllllright I'll speak for myself. I get lost.

 

Ohhhh brother, that crack office staff and its depiction of what goes on in a busy Madison Avenue agency. (Love seeing the stock footage of Park Avenue which really sells home the point. (NOTE TO SELF: film footage of Park Avenue and include it in my current film project). While office Romeo Anthony Eisley (of ?Hawaiian Eye? fame) was putting none-too-subtle moves on Mary, I was fascinated watching her type a letter and seal an envelope. See for me, it?s those little moments of authenticity that I cling to. Mary also knew how to open a cot. (?I?ve seen lots of these,? she said. What does that mean?) I liked the sexy low budget ?He Said? - ?She Said? repartee between Eisley?s character and Mary:

 

Fred: ?Ohhhh women.?

 

Mary: ?Men.? (She runs her hands provocatively through her hair). ?Everytime they?re stuck for an answer you always come up with ?women?.?

 

And like everyone else who has watched this low-budget charmer, I love the two gabby dames who pass for secretaries. (Ha!) I?m sure that the statuesque brunette was a Las Vegas showgirl... I?m sure of it. (NOTE TO SELF: Use statuesque brunettes in my current film project. Check). I was a Secretary for most of my career and I never filed my fingernails down to the bone at my desk. I talked on the phone all day non-related to business, but I didn?t do my nails. The brunette?s business voice exuded a 1-900-SULTRINESS (as mine did when I was working for a NYC agency) and this type of voice is a requisite needed to sell beauty products, but as the Mattress delivery man (played by Ernie Kovacs) noted:

 

?La-dee-dah, the Dutchess of Flatbush herself.?

 

Her witty retort was worthy of the Ida Lupino/Ann Sheridan Award for Fresh Guy SmackDowns:

 

?How?d you like to have this phone wrapped around your ear??

 

I couldn't have said it better to Ernie myself. That?s tellin? him Sistuh!!!

 

When the injured Scientist is tracked down, Miss Starlin bring him to stay at the offices to recuperate (and correct his crappy experiments). In a move that would warm the cockles of Democrats? hearts and cause angina in apoplectic (Just-Say-No-To-Every-$#@!-Thing) Republicans, the boss assumes all financial medical responsibility for him. AND HE HAD NEVER EVEN SIGNED A CONTRACT!!!! Astounding. And very forward thinking in the pursuit of health care.

 

The Scientist is assigned a nurse 24/7 and when he wakes to the scream of a man being wasped to death, his nurse tells him it was just a bad dream. (Gotta love that bedside manner. No need to alarm him). Personally, I think it was his pajamas that woke him up. He realized he had picked that crazy pattern. I told you the man lacked social skills. And any potential mate he?d have would be shrieking at the sight of those mamma jammies he was wearing. But then again, he?d be sleeping with a queen wasp (Remember: ?They know who are their friends.?) The queen probably wouldn?t care about his pajamas or wear any herself. "Sexy little wench," says CineMaven anthropomorphically.

 

?Tell him Charles Benton is alive and even bullets can?t stop him.?[/i]

 

Oops, wrong bad good ?B? movie.

 

But let me put all seriousness aside and get to the crux of the message that Roger Corman is espousing with ?THE WASP WOMAN.?

 

A woman is only valued for her looks.

 

Got it? Good.

 

Shocked at this revelation??? Well I was too. This is a lesson best learned and don?t let it be said that Roger never taught you anything. First time I saw this film, I must have been a very young teenager (12 or 13) and this lesson (being valued for our looks) is among the million things my Mom never told me (topping the list with my ?special monthly friend.?)

Maaaaaaaaaaaahhh! What?s happening to me!!! (She never did fully answer that question...her voice trailing off).

 

Janet Starlin is played by the wildly disturbing Susan Cabot. Why disturbing? Maybe it was the very sad fate that awaited her in her real life (see imdb: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0127693/bio) or maybe it was her boxy hairstyle. (What was that?)

 

She plays a competent businesswoman who handled her staff firmly. I love the power position of her calling her staff of men by their first name and them addressing her as Miss Starlin. (But what disturbs me greatly is that she does NOT know how to open a cot). Yes, I do feel the ?tension? between Miss S. and Eisley; especially as she regained her fading looks. The profits of the cosmetics company are declining. That clunky looking graph bears this out. Was it the public?s changing tastes in lipstick and foundation? Did they not explore how exporting their product would enhance sales and open up markets? Nah, Anthony Eisley nails it even without his trademarked mustache. He brings up a salient point: Miss Starlin doesn?t appear on the product sixteen years later so sales have tanked. (See how it worked with Chef Boyardee?)

 

?Where would you put the responsibility for this decline?? asks Miss Starlin.

 

?On you Miss Starlin.? She adjusts her glasses, and the rest of the clams...er... men back up Eisley.

 

She sadly acquiesces the point: ?Not even Janice Starlin can remain a glamour girl forever.?

 

HUH? What the--I wonder if The Donald has had this conversation with his business associates in the Trump Tower steam room. Don't get me started!!

 

I?m thinking the implication here is that since she was the face of the product before...and now no longer being a ****, the public no longer trusts the product...hence its decline. (Do I have that psychology somewhat correct? Oooh wait, Cary Grant is about to save Ingrid Bergman in ?Notorious? the most romantic part of their sado-masochistic relationship; geez he was such a fat-headed guy to her. ?They?re poisoning me. I couldn?t get away.? Don?t let me get started! Okay, back to wasps and a real classic).

 

Dr. Zinthrop and his merry band of wasps are actually a godsend for Starlin and the cosmetics industry. (?Wasps are back...and Starlin?s got ?em!?) If only it didn?t backfire. I didn?t think she looked that bad, well...nothing that a different outfit and new hair style couldn?t fix. Oh, and an overhaul of the male attitude.

 

?That woman?s so intent on holding back time, she?s ready to fall for the first phony line she hears. Wasps. Face the facts Mary, Janice Starlin has built her whole life on youth and beauty. Now that?s she?s losing them, she?s scared to death.?

 

Well thanxxx Ant'ney! Who do you think put this idea into her pretty little head in the first place?!

Now see...THIS is the thing MEN value about us, and since women want to be with men... Well let me put it like this: if men valued eggheads, women would be carrying encyclopedias on their heads and in their pocketbooks. It?s men?s fault! (NOTE TO SELF: I?ve got to put some encyclopedias in my current film project).

 

So withOUT getting FDA approval, Miss Starlin makes a Chief Executive Officer decision...and becomes a human guinea pig by accepting injections of the wasp enzyme. (Duane Reade might?ve carried it if it were a topical creme...but an injected product? That's a tough one). And boy oh boy that muzak! Steiner? Korngold? Surely, Hermann?? Miss Starlin?s mistake is her impatience. For the sake of the company and the sake of her vanity, on her own... and not knowing WHAT she was letting herself in for...she increases the dosage of the injection while Dr. Zinthrop is still in a coma. Bad move.

 

Miss Starlin starts to sound a little manic to me when after a couple of injections and her youthful looks return, she exclaims: ?How old do I look. How old? How old?!!? Whoa, calm down boss, geez Louise. To me, she doesn?t look a day over five and a half minutes ago. But what do I know. I told you...I am a Secretary...retiree...uhm, filmmaker.

 

I love the scenes in the restaurant during the movie. They must be big-time ad execs ?cuz they get the same table and no one?s around them to bother them; not a customer...nor a waiter...nor a busboy. Not a garcon in sight. But the same band plays though.

 

Taking those unauthorized injections had a bad effect. (She missed seeing the hump-backed cat in the cage). Headaches ensue, uncontrolled transformations occur and voila! You?ve got the making of ?Hormones Gone Wild!? Curiosity kills the cat (or to be more exact, Dr. Zinthrop?s injections did). The pipe smoker snoops around the lab is attacked by a wasp in black stilettoes. Daaaaang, she moved like greased lightning and I doubt Tina Turner or Beyonce could do a better job in those heels. It was impressive how fast Queen Starlin got to the door Coop tried to escape through. She kills him.

 

A queen wasp?s gotta do what a queen wasp?s gotta do.

 

Nancy Drew and Jimmy Olson finally piece together the after hour shenanigans at Starlin Enterprises and it all unravels purty quickly. The nurse and the fat juicy night watchman get devoured. Miss Starlin seeks help from the now awakened Dr. Zinthrop. (He couldn?t possibly sleep through any more of that racket). Her entreaties for the doctor?s help as she says ?Help me! Help me!? sound like David Hedison?s. She begins to transform (off-camera) before our very eyes. Like I said, things unravel quickly. The music gets more intense, the good doctor gets more agitated and Eisley gets closer to ?Hawaiian Eye? and a steady paycheck. (?Sorry Roger, I?m going to do television!?) I like how Corman subscribes to the Hitchcock style of suspense, by giving the audience more information than the characters. WE KNOW what will happen to Mary as she inevitably runs into Miss Starlin.

 

?Miss Starlin is not human any longer. The enzyme has changed her. She?ll destroy the girl as a female wasp destoys its enemies. Then devour her remains!!!?

 

And that is a bad thing?

 

Will Eisley save her in time? I?m going to now read your review Bronxie, to find out what happens. I held back reading it until I saw the movie and got my own thoughts together.

 

?Man?s got to know his limitations,? said Clint Eastwood in one of his movies. That's tellin' 'em, Brutha!!!

 

This movie and ?THE LEECH WOMAN? are among my favorite hormones gone wild B horror films. I like ?The Leech Woman? just a tad better, probably because of Colleen Gray and Kim Hamilton. But I enjoy this one very much. Thanxx for giving me the opportunity to talk about it.

 

Edited by: CineMaven on Feb 14, 2010 9:28 AM: You mean Roger Corman DIDN?T score Ernie Kovacs, Jeff Chandler and Loretta Young?? (NOTE TO SELF: Use Clint Eastwood in my current film project).

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> {quote:title=Bronxgirl48 wrote:}{quote}

> I'd really love to see it now, since there's a connection to my plumber, LOL. (of course I'd want to anyway) He told me when he retires in a few years, he's going to write a book about his family.

>

> It should be very interesting.

>

> Can you review this?

 

It's been a long time since I've seen it, so only if I can find it online or it shows up on tv. I'm cheap.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm_3-o6QWuk

 

Edited by: scsu1975 on Feb 14, 2010 9:33 AM

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?We are led to believe he is disgruntled and vengeful after being let go from his work with royal bee jelly, but Michael Mark as Zinthrop is no excitingly insane Lionel Atwill mad scientist. If anything, he looks like one of Melina Mercouri's customers from 'NEVER ON SUNDAY', or, maybe her grandfather.?

 

Her grandfather was a customer too??? Eeeewwwwwwwwwww! I knew I should have watched the movie from the beginning.

 

?We never actually see Susan turning into the wasp woman, she just pops up from the shadows and starts killing. The fat night watchman -- introduced with (inappropriately) cutesy/weird zylophone music that would be the "score" in Roger's LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS -- is one of her victims. When Cabot is done with him, all that's left is his hat and raincoat.?

 

Did she puree the transistor radio too?? EEeeeeewwwwwww. I knew I should have watched the movie from the beginning.

 

?Is it Friday already? What am I doing on the boards now? I'm supposed to be in my cave till this week-end, but I just popped out today for a few things. I''m dying for you to tell me if you think Susan Cabot was secretly jonesing for Tony Eisely at that board meeting. It's never satisfactorily spelled out. Perhaps if Roger had paid more attention to Janice Starlin's sexual frustrations, the movie would have been more fun.?

 

I found the movie fun. Roger couldn?t be too on the nose with that piece between Eisley and Cabot. But I do think there was some slight tension there. Mary picked it up as well. She told Fred to be careful. You know our ?antenna? goes up when...

 

?I'm thinking I might need a new wardrobe for Rich's and my t.v. program. Can you see me as a blonde??

 

What color is your hair now? And promise me you won?t wear purple.

 

?I joyfully await your review of WASP WOMAN!?

 

When my public speaks...I give ?em what they want. ?Be careful what you ask for.? I read that somewhere.

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Rich, I just now read your August 2009 review of "THE WASP WOMAN." My god, you are truly talented. I literally laughed out loud. And when you wrote the caption:

 

"A colonoscopy for a black eye?" I fell apart.

 

We really should talk. You write wonderfully.

 

http://forums.tcm.com/jive/tcm/thread.jspa?threadID=147031&tstart=30

 

Sincerely and admiringly,

 

CineMaven.

 

Oh brother...what am I saying?! But yeah, I'm saying it.

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> {quote:title=CineMaven wrote:}{quote}

> We really should talk. You write wonderfully.

 

Thanks, but you and Barbara write much better. I go for the quick laughs, and my comments are generally superficial. They are intended to give readers the gist, without much substance. I sketch, you paint.

 

Perhaps some day, my writing skills will equal yours. Perhaps I will become more adept at plumbing the depths of the characters? souls, at investigating their motivations, at analyzing the complex relationships that occur onscreen ?

 

Perhaps ??

 

NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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> {quote:title=scsu1975 wrote:}{quote}

> I go for the quick laughs, and my comments are generally superficial.

 

Those are generally the most popular kind of comments in a bulletin board, imho.

 

And I don't think there's anyone as good as you at making people laugh on these boards, so you keep on ticklin' the funny bone, Rich. :D

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"Perhaps some day, my writing skills will equal yours. Perhaps I will become more adept at plumbing the depths of the characters? souls, at investigating their motivations, at analyzing the complex relationships that occur onscreen ?

 

Perhaps ??

 

NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH" - < SCSU1975 >

 

Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. You sell yourself too short my cyber-mate.

 

CinemArtiste

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The Beast of Yucca Flats (1961)
Directed by Coleman Francis
Produced by Coleman Francis
Written by Coleman Francis
Edited by Coleman Francis
Narrated by Coleman Francis
And starring ...
Tor Johnson
(with Coleman Francis in a few bit roles)

http://moviesfoundonline.com/beast_of_yucca_flats.php

It's hard to imagine a worse filmmaker than Ed Wood Jr., but Coleman Francis wins hands down. This is 54 minutes of your life you wish you could have back.

"Guest Star" Tor Johnson, who looks more gigantic than ever, plays "noted scientist" Joseph Javorsky, although it may also be Tavorsky, or Jaworski, or Blagojevich ... I couldn't really tell. Anyway, Tor has just arrived in the U.S. from behind the Iron Curtain, bearing top secret information. His charter plane inexplicably lands near Yucca Flats. Immediately, enemy agents set upon Tor, his bodyguard, and his chauffeur (who looks like Eddie "Rochester" Anderson). Incredibly, even though Tor is the biggest target west of the Missouri River, he manages to avoid enemy bullets, and stumbles into the desert. Then an A-bomb goes off.

Now Tor is transformed into a mad disfigured killer. Tor chokes a poor sap whose car has broken down, and then makes off with his wife. Joe Dobson, highway patrolman, springs into action. Together with his friend Jim, they start tracking Tor. When they become convinced that Tor is atop a plateau, Jim, a former paratrooper in Korea, hops in a plane. "Shoot first, ask questions later," narrator Francis tells us. And that's what this moron does. He spots a dude who is out looking for his missing kids, and fires at him repeatedly. Meanwhile, the two missing kids are weenies. They spot a lake and one of them says "is that water down there?" Later, they are inside a cave and one of them says "where are we?" The other says, "in a cave, I guess." Please Tor, kill them, before they grow up to be college administrators.

After about 15 minutes, it hit me - why are all these people in the movie if an A-bomb just went off? The other question I had was, why are there so many shots of actor's butts in this film?

Some of the worst scenes in this movie (but then, there are no good scenes) involve Tor trying to get his bulk in motion. It's painful to watch. All the lines are dubbed in (badly), and the narration is incoherent. "Flag on the moon ... how did it get there?" "Kill or be killed ... man's inhumanity to man." And some constant blather about the "wheels of progress." Tor gets to growl a little near the end, and, in a fit or rage, throws a rock at no one. But at least we are spared listening to him delivering dialogue. Who can forget him as Inspector Clay in Plan 9 from Outer Space, when he says "I'm a big boy." No s***, Tor.



Tor realizes that walking barefoot in the desert is not a swift idea.
ztsLPyj.jpg



Farley Granger's wife about to go bellyup, in the rarely seen Strangers on a Plain.
qs3RrC1.jpg



George "The Animal" Steele puts a sleeper hold on some pencil-neck geek.
DIk5Cf6.jpg



Fortunately, Cary Grant got the part instead.
clpoo8y.jpg



Fortunately, Charlton Heston got the part instead.
eZOY8d2.jpg



I think we can all figure out why she got the part.
WgJ9fgt.jpg

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