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20th Century Vole Presents

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GROUNDHOG PLAYED

 

A town in rural Pennsylvania become well-known due to a famous resident rodent, a member of the marmot family, a woodchuck or groundhog, becomes nationally renowned due to his predictive abilities. Named after the town, Pawtoptoxic Pete, is celebrated.and feted once a.year, as his ability to determine whether winter will soon be over or not, has a media frenzy descend upon the sleepy hamlet. And sleepy Pete comes out to see if he can see his shadow.

 

After years of this, Pete, who is pampered year round, has become savvy in the ways of modern human life, trained in new technology, and has been given his own laptop. Daily he goes online, and soon enough, finds a site he likes, and decides to try to take it over. His prolific posts soon anger the regulars there. Complaining to him, and to the site mods, does no good. Born into priviledge and having his every want granted, he is constitutionally unable to think of anybody's needs or wishes but his own. He continues to post 24/7. Even pronouncements about upcoming vacations.make no dent in his number of posts.

 

The other posters decide to ignore Pete.and his posts. They rightly see his posts and threads as vanity posts, offering nothing of merit, or more substantial beyond his rodent mug on the avatar. But this does not stop him; daily he goes online, posts.some inanity or other, bumping up his threads. Soon it is only him; no one else contributes to his threads. Day after day, the same, and again the next day. In time, he realizes he is living the same day, repeating it exactly. Unlike most others, who would freak out upon this realization, his reaction is remarkably calm. After all, he is doing what he has been doing willingly all along, spending each day going online and posting on his thread. Only on February 2nd of each year does it change, but soon enough, he returns to his self-satisfied habits. Who cares no one else comments on his threads; he imparts his wisdom and selected.writings each day. And he and his choppers move to Page One daily, and thus, a blog is born.

 

And still another True-Life Adventure from 20th Century Vole. Move over, Disney.

 

I probably won't watch this one. I don't like creepy films.

 

/

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And still another True-Life Adventure from 20th Century Vole. Move over, Disney.

 

I probably won't watch this one. I don't like creepy films.

 

/

LOL!!

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And still another True-Life Adventure from 20th Century Vole. Move over, Disney.

 

I probably won't watch this one. I don't like creepy films.

 

/

And still another True-Life Adventure from 20th Century Vole. Move over, Disney.

 

I probably won't watch this one. I don't like creepy films.

 

/

The creepiness was unintentional,.I'm sure. Although the repetition of the same.day and it's actions over and over is a creepy concept to most of us. Maybe we can blame it on the CGI, for that rodent rendition. Truly scary.

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The creepiness was unintentional,.I'm sure. Although the repetition of the same.day and it's actions over and over is a creepy concept to most of us. Maybe we can blame it on the CGI, for that rodent rendition. Truly scary.

 

Nope, it's not the CGI. Your third sentence is the all of it.

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THE LURCHERS

 

A revenge-obsessed Civil War veteran and his young sidekick set off on a quest to find a little girl who was captured by Comanches. But their search goes on for years and years, so long in fact that the two men die and don't even realize it.

They continue their endless search as zombies. Every time they dismount from their horses (also zombies by this time), they cannot help but walk in an odd, zombie-like fashion. This immediately tips off everyone they try to interrogate about the missing girl that there's something weird about them, and they can get no answers, as all their potential informants run screaming from the two undead seekers.

 

the-searchers-2.jpg

 

" It's something to do with the way we walk....I

reckon mebbe we should just admit that we've become 

zombies and  move on...."

 

"That'll be the day."

 

night-of-the-living-dead-1968-07.png

 

"How come we all have to walk with a lurch? 

No wonder we can't go very fast."

 

"We could try riding horses...but they'd have to be

zombie horses, and they walk with a lurch, too..."

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missw,

 

This is hilarious. The funny thing is that John "Undead" Wayne has been lurching in his movies since the dawn of the talkies.

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NATIONAL BUFFOON'S VACATION

 

Raunchy, silly summer comedy hit. A busy, self-important internet blogger announces she will be going on a summer vacation, and pronounces the two.week period. However, when the anounced time comes, she does not seem to have slowed down her pace in posting, much less disappeared for the duration. Puzzlement grows, but soon, it becomes obvious to some that she has had a working vacation in mind all along. Yet, even this doesn't jibe with the continued online rate of posts.

 

Soon, during the climax, it becomes apparent that she is actually moving cross-country again, as her immediate family as well as the villagers, have become fed up with her insufferably obnoxious know-it-all attitude, and have found it infinitely cost-effective to thier peace of mind to buy her a one-way ticket halfway across the country; let other family members deal with her and put her up in their basement........for now. All is resolved by the conclusion........for now.

 

The success of this high concept film, plus the inevitable wearying of the new family members, means there will be a sequel coming next season.

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THE LURCHERS

 

A revenge-obsessed Civil War veteran and his young sidekick set off on a quest to find a little girl who was captured by Comanches. But their search goes on for years and years, so long in fact that the two men die and don't even realize it.

They continue their endless search as zombies. Every time they dismount from their horses (also zombies by this time), they cannot help but walk in an odd, zombie-like fashion. This immediately tips off everyone they try to interrogate about the missing girl that there's something weird about them, and they can get no answers, as all their potential informants run screaming from the two undead seekers.

Of course John Wayne's zombie lurch is pretty much like his regular lurch :)

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NATIONAL BUFFOON'S VACATION

 

Raunchy, silly summer comedy hit. A busy, self-important internet blogger announces she will be going on a summer vacation, and pronounces the two.week period. However, when the anounced time comes, she does not seem to have slowed down her pace in posting, much less disappeared for the duration. Puzzlement grows, but soon, it becomes obvious to some that she has had a working vacation in mind all along. Yet, even this doesn't jibe with the continued online rate of posts.

 

Soon, during the climax, it becomes apparent that she is actually moving cross-country again, as her immediate family as well as the villagers, have become fed up with her insufferably obnoxious know-it-all attitude, and have found it infinitely cost-effective to thier peace of mind to buy her a one-way ticket halfway across the country; let other family members deal with her and put her up in their basement........for now. All is resolved by the conclusion........for now.

 

The success of this high concept film, plus the inevitable wearying of the new family members, means there will be a sequel coming next season.

 

The working title of the sequel is reported to be

 

"The Return of the Avatar."

 

...although the release date is yet to be determined. There has been a flurry of concern over the film. Of the 566,234 children who have viewed the trailer, a full 87% threw up before it was over. This has alarmed parent's groups, day care centers, school principles, and Sunday School teachers. Alan A Pickney of the PTA said, "This health crisis could be a threat to our future, these are the young people who will carry on after us." Children aren't the only ones afflicted. Of the 1,783,667 adults who have been exposed to the avatar, 72% have been treated for depression, impending doom, as well as copious throwing ups. The crisis has become such fever pitch that president Obama is set to speak to the nation and it has been leaked that he will aver that avatars could be a perennial danger to our common purpose when they are abused. He is going to call for the cessation of what  he calls malignant avatars (the kind that make people fwow up) and benign avatars that are commonly used by sane people. On a positive note, Alan A Abalatta of the Avatar Abuse Association has revealed that emergency ad hoc studies, using the Scientific Method of course, show that children improve when subjected to multiple showings of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre as its soothing effects are significantly less noxious than the horripilating avatar in the film. Marilu M Mahoney of the Motion Picture Consortium has said they are going ahead with the release of THE RETURN OF THE AVATAR and assures us that the casualties will be diminished. "It's a helluva picture and we're determined to survive it. As to the titular avatar, try not to look at it."

--

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'

 

'What Summer Vacation?" Working title will be replaced by John Cleese.

 

Starring Brigitte Bardot and Bill Mumy.

 

The "avatar" was unaware that she was getting paid. 

 

Therefore, they decided that they had nothing better to do with their time.

 

They failed to realize that the vacation was not one from writing, but one from singing in her home town of Las Vegas.

 

Meanwhile in Canada, people were on route to a garage sale while they endlessly waited for the August schedule to start

 

If It is Tuesday, It Must Be Brigitte Bardot.

 

And where was Classic Movie Rankings in all of this? Watching Bill Mumy on Me TV.

 

Obviously, this script was too short for a full length film.

 

 

 

 

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AVATUURD

 

A groundbreaking sci-fi parable, using state of the art CGI, color and 3-D. The film.tells the tale of a maladjusted misanthrope, in love witj himself and his brilliance. He feels a need to share said brilliance to all.and sundry, and as all the people in his life know him.as the pompous blowhard that he is, and shun any contact with him, the self-deluded hero ventures out to other worlds to share of himself. .Specifically, he wanders.into the insular world of an online messageboard.

 

Quickly, he sees this as a new world ripe for his world view. Soon he has infiltrated the minds of the weakest, most gullible members, and convinced them of his all encompassing knowledge. However, he has also realized that his knowledge is severely limited, compared to what others on the site share, and so he picks the brains of his minions for facts.and information, lists and statistics. He compiled.it all, and duly repeats the info as needed, never acknowledging the sources, but passing it off as his own. His fawning minions, totally under his spell, think he's brilliant, not realizing he has been picking their brains,.mining.their info, all along.

 

Soon enough, there is disharmony in the land. The internet utopia, with everybody respecting each other and playing well together, has been replaced by discord and infighting, as the new poster attempts.to take over the site for his own nefarious purposes. Even his new avatar, a selfie of hideous countenance, does not help the situation, but only makes it worse. In a.last-ditch effort to try to soften the offending image, he doctors it by photoshopping a dog's droppings on the head, hoping to cover what the comb-over.cannot. This does not help at all.

 

Despite the unresolved nature of the ending, all.is promised to be cleared.up in the many announced.sequels.

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THE RISE OF THE SPAMMER AVATAR :

 

There was a new avatar spammer

Who wanted to spam with a hammer

He or she no one knew

His spam gew and grew

It's the rise of the  aavatar spammer

 

 

Theme song for the movie based upon the spam notications.

 

The story looks at the differernce between the real issues behind spam.

 

Which is worse:spam on the board?

 

Or is it pedantic people  who love foreig films and whose first language is not English?

 

Or is it a person who is bored by someone, dioes not like the person, so instead posts thereads about thei avatars?

 

John Cleese did not care.

 

He was always looking for new ways to talk about spam in a funny way.

 

And - to answer the important question:

 

Why does TCM not have a better filter for spam?

 

Meanwhile, Dinsdale has arrived back.

 

What's that Disndale?

 

You mean that Bily Mumy and Brigite Bardot are unavailable?

 

Well, let us make another version then?

 

How about this Kim Karashian and ----wait.

 

No.

 

How about Kate Hudson and a boy who wins a contest to appear with  her.

 

Yes.

 

Cleese put the script into the "maybe" file

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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THE PALMOLIVE BEACH STORY

 

A highly complicated tale of mistaken identities, twins, Weinie Kings, and assorted love affairs seems hopelessly confusing until the Soapie Queen shows up and spreads Palmolive detergent over everyone. 

Everything and everybody gets clean, and a slick ending washes away all difficulties.

 

The-Palm-Beach-Story-001.jpg

 

"What we need is a little Palmolive to wash up these glasses and cups.

And maybe your hair, too, darling. It looks like it could use some soap."

 

l-pq44g3dri7dcc7.jpg

 

"Well, Tom, here we are at last at Palm Olive Beach.

I think this bikini along with my faithful use of Palmolive

soap will solve all our marriage problems."

 

"Gerry baby, I just wish I'd invented the stuff. We'd be

floating on bubbles by now..."

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THE SNAKESKIN PIT

A cautionary tale of a troubled young lady. She has been romanced by a nice young man, and their courtship soon results in marriage, although she had disappeared a couple of times before the marriage transpired. Her troubled childhood, full of unreolved issues and feelings towards her parents, appeared to have crippled her emotionally, and she cannot reconcile her past with her present. She exhibits increasingly erratic behavior, and her husband has no choice but to have her sent to a mental institution.

 

Here, she receives personal attention from a dedicated doctor. Through various methods, including hypnosis, electroshock therapy, and even restraint by straitjacket, he tries to unmask the roots of her emotional and mental problems. It is a difficult process, where any signs of progress are fleeting, as her habits soon have her backsliding. When she has been "promoted" to the more desirable wards, her inability to refrain from saying whatever comes into her mind, or be able to filter these, lead her time and again to being returned to the ward with the most disturbed inmates. While she expresses remorse to her doctor, saying she will try harder to be better, she seems incapable of doing so. In desperation, her doctor.decides upon the most radical form of therapy. He has her tossed into a pit, filled with the criminally insane, and tells her she must always use the gauzy snakeskin, shed yearly by the reptiles, to view the world. She must not speak, lest the other denizens do something drastic to her. She agrees to all this, stating she will only be a viewer of the surroundings, and not participate. The tense suspense of the film increases, as the viewer is left to see if she can exhibit a self-control she has never had before, or if the inmates surrounding her in the pit will kill her if she cannot.

 

This dramatic role had Olivia DeHavilland nominated for an oscar that year, while sister and frienemy Joan Fontaine was not even nominated that year for her dramatic turn in E-MAIL FROM AN UNKNOWN WOMAN.

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Hanging at Picnic Rock

 

A group of wild teenagers turn a picnic into a manic rock concert until one of the participants notices the original of the Mona Lisa wavering in the wind while being attached to an old oak tree. A long discussion ensued on how Mona got there but all were so enamored with the art that they forgot all about the rock concert and had a lengthy discussion about aesthetics. This movie was rejected by every studio in the world.

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It's mid-summer and 4pm at Buckingham Palace. Her Royal Majesty has become bored with the usual routine she's become so accustomed to and in an extremely uncharacteristic for her manner, wishes for a little more excitement in her life during this hour of the day.

 

And so thinking a new tradition is in order, she incognito sneaks out the back door of her famed residence and ventures down Grosvenor(aren't ya surprised this isn't spelled with a "u" right after that "o" there?...ah, but I digress) Place Road and to the Bank of England branch office located adjacent to the Hyde Park Underground Station.

 

She then and directly in front of said bank branch office, and to the utter shock and befuddlement of passersby, begins to shout out in a rather animated manner..."ATTICA...ATTICA!" for no apparent reason.

 

This is just one of the scenes to be found during a viewing of...

 

 

 

DOG DAY AFTERNOON TEA

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and ventures down Grosvenor(aren't ya surprised this isn't spelled with a "u" right after that "o" there?...ah, but I digress) Place Road =

 

 

You don't pronounce the 's' or the 'e' in Grosvenor.

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You don't pronounce the 's' or the 'e' in Grosvenor.

 

So then you're sayin' that "s" AND that "e" are superfluous TOO, Bogie???

 

(...geeez...what IS it with those Brits over there, HUH?!)

 

;)

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So then you're sayin' that "s" AND that "e" are superfluous TOO, Bogie???

 

(...geeez...what IS it with those Brits over there, HUH?!)

 

;)

 

Correction, Dargo:  It's "What IS it with those Brits over there, EH ? "

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Correction, Dargo:  It's "What IS it with those Brits over there, EH ? "

 

Well, according to darkblue, THAT'S supposed to be "ay" to you Canucks up there, isn't it?!

 

(...HUH?!)

 

;)

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Well, according to darkblue, THAT'S supposed to be "ay" to you Canucks up there, isn't it?!

 

(...HUH?!)

 

;)

 

Yes, our friend db prefers the phonetic spelling. Makes sense, AY ?

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SHANE,  SHANE,  SHANE !

 

A remake of the classic Western which attempts to cash in on the nostalgic revival of disco. In this version, Shane enters a dance contest, unafraid to challenge the cruel but highly skilled disco dance king, who has been hired by the owner of a chain of discotheques. The disco magnate wants to drive all the smaller dance clubs out of business and run the whole dance crazy town himself.

 

Our hero selects a tune by Shirley and Company to battle the cruel (but highly skilled) disco dance king (who bears an odd resemblance to John Travolta.) 

 

Will Shane win the disco dance contest and save the small dance club owners from bankruptcy? Catch this remake and find out.

 

1233248790-large.jpg

 

"Son, the first thing you have to learn about 

disco dancing is to get off your horse."

 

 

shame-shame-shame.jpg

 

"Damn ! This Shane, Shane, Shane tune

beats the pants off the BeeGees ! "

 

hqdefault.jpg

 

"Can't stop me now...hear what I say..."

I know, I know ! -

"My feet want to move, so

get out my way !"

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