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20th Century Vole Presents

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*Love is a Many-Splintered Thing*

 

News correspondent Pinocchio goes to Hong Kong to cover the end of the Communist Revolution. He meets and falls in love with a beautiful Eurasian doctor. But, his friends/relatives, and hers, tell them that it will never work, because he is made out of wood.

 

Edited by: ValentineXavier on Sep 5, 2010 11:27 PM

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> {quote:title=ValentineXavier wrote:}{quote}

> *Love is a Many-Splintered Thing*

 

Did Woody Allen have a cameo?

 

Edited by: SansFin on Sep 5, 2010 8:04 PM

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SansFin, I'm sorry. I'm a dedicated Woody Allen fan, and I don't get the reference ??

 

Woody Allen and William Holden and Jennifer Jones and Pinnochio = ?

 

Oh, wait a minute, are you referring to *Sleeper*, in which Woody Allen has to operate on some political dictator and surgically attach a cloned nose?? (sorry to be so dense)

 

Good one, Valentine.

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You give me far too much credit. I was doing a rift on 'splintered' with a actor named 'wood'. I do not know how to spell the first name of actor who played Frodo in *The Lord of the Rings* so I went with Woody Allen. I do like *Sleeper* but it was far from my mind.

 

Edited by: SansFin on Sep 5, 2010 9:44 PM

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Of course ! Your joke was as plain as the nose on my face. How thick of me not to get it.(Don't you hate it when people don't get your jokes?)

 

Well, if we're going that route, we could also cast Elijah Wood (that's who you were thinking of from *Lord of the Rings* ), Woody Strode, Woody Harrelson, and Natalie Wood. Maybe we could haul in those puppets from "The Lonely Goatherd" in the *Sound of Music*, just to make Pinocchio feel at home.

Valentine, *Love is a Many Splintered Thing* is going to be a hit !

 

Edited by: misswonderly on Sep 6, 2010 11:24 AM

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> {quote:title=misswonderly wrote:}{quote}

> (Don't you hate it when people don't get your jokes?)

 

Always. It makes me feel very stupid.

 

What about Mortimer Snerd and Charlie McCarthy? They should at least have walk-ons.

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Right. (This time I get it.) And maybe, just for good measure, the evil "Chuckie" (although he's not really a puppet, I guess.)

 

ps -You're not the one who was "stupid". C'est moi.

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fannygeo.jpg

Aunt Fanny, is it true that we don't even have

enough letters left to spell comeuppance?

 

 

 

 

*The Magnificent Ampersands*

 

 

The story of the tragic downfall of a formerly prosperous and respected

family. They once operated one of the largest printing plants in the Midwest,

but their fortunes gradually deteriorated, and in the end all they had left were

a half dozen @, a few #, some semicolons and commas, and two &.

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marty-borgnine2.jpg

-Hey Marty, what ya want to do tonight?

-I don't know Ang, what you want to do?

-Hey, how about we head over to the 110th Precinct, see if we can catch 'em booking some pros.

-I don't know, Ang. We did that last week and you remember...

-Yeah. Oh boy, talk about dogs. Hey, how about we row out to Rikers and see if we can sneak

into the shower room.

-Ang, how many times I got to tell you? There's only guys at Rikers.

-Yeah, I forgot. Guess I drank too many bottles of Piels tonight. I ain't that desperate. So what

ya want to do now?

-I don't know, Ang. You know what? Think I'll go home, take a nap, go over to Thelma Lou's

and watch a little TV. The fights are on tonight. Yeah that sounds good, home, nap, Thelma Lou's.

See you later, Ang...

 

 

 

 

 

 

*The Wrong Marty*

 

The police suspect that butcher Marty Piletti is the head of the Thumbs on the Scale gang,

which cheats New Yorkers out of thousands of dollars on meat purchases weekly. But the

actual Mr. Big is Marty Corleone, a butcher from Queens. The cops are finally convinced

of Piletti's innocence when he fails to give the correct answer of "Good as Henry James" when

given the secret code sentence "Boy, that Mickey Spillane can really write."

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> {quote:title=C.Bogle wrote:}{quote}

> fannygeo.jpg

> Aunt Fanny, is it true that we don't even have

> enough letters left to spell comeuppance?

>

>

>

>

> *The Magnificent Ampersands*

>

>

> The story of the tragic downfall of a formerly prosperous and respected

> family. They once operated one of the largest printing plants in the Midwest,

> but their fortunes gradually deteriorated, and in the end all they had left were

> a half dozen @, a few #, some semicolons and commas, and two &.

 

This film was made, but it was never released. Due to their impecunious situation, all the Ampersands could afford to say were things like "#@#;&!" and "&&@;#;#!". Needless to say, the dialogue couldn't get past the censors.

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> {quote:title=HarryLong wrote:}{quote}

> *Your joke was as plain as the nose on my face*

> Pinnochio jokes always are...

 

Well, I was actually thinking of a different protrusion of Pinocchio's that might give his girl splinters, in a most unfortunate place...

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*Herbie Meets Christine*

 

They say opposites attract, but who knew Herbie had a thing for bad girls? Can a happy-go-lucky Bug find true love with a furious Fury? Will she possess him with evil? Or, will he make her all sweetness and light? Will they settle down in a nice two-car garage in the suburbs?

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tumblr_l2nxxhHf8y1qanwe4o1_500.jpg

When you're a Wamp, you're a Wamp all the way,

From your first casting couch to your last dyin' day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Attack of the Fifty WAMPAS Baby Stars*

 

When one of their own is accosted by a drunken John Barrymore, they join

together to revenge the insult, literally tearing the roof off the sucker. Holly-

wood hath no fury like a starlet made to pick up the check.

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<ahttp://www.reelfilm.com/images/primbrod.jpg height =300 width =400>

Now gurrrlllllls, come to my restaurant and I'll

give you all 50% off on my Haggis a la Duce.

 

 

 

 

 

*The Prime Ribs of Miss Jean Brodie*

 

After being dismissed from the Marcia Blaine School for Girls, Jean must find a way to

earn her daily bread. Partnering with her latest lover, Angus MacTarbrush leader of the

right wing Tartan Shirts, she opens a steak house in Edinburgh.

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THE LETTER. BOX.

 

In a recently discovered sequel to the 1940 William Wyler film, *The Letter*, Leslie Crosbie decides that she will re-write the fateful letter she wrote to her lover via an aspect-ratio letterbox format, thereby confusing her husband and lawyer with the exact content and meaning of it. She knows that she is far ahead of her time in doing this, and that no one in 1940 Malaya will grasp the concept of "letterboxing". What she neglected to foresee is that her lover would fail to understand it either. When he demands an explanation from her as to whether she sent him a letter or a letterboxed message, she is so infuriated with his obtuseness that she pulls out a gun and shoots him, firing bullets repeatedly to optimize the drama in the hope that some day the scene will be viewed on a much larger screen. Sadly she does not realize that *The Letter* was made too early to ever be letterboxed.

 

The-Letter---Bette-Davis-(1940)-736236.j

"I don't get it either, but at least I'm trying. And it's too late

to ask Gale Sondergaard."

 

Edited by: misswonderly on Oct 1, 2010 3:12 PM

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LOL! That was a good one wonderly!

 

IT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT IN RIO

 

Claudette Colbert and Don Ameche star in this rom-com about a dizzy heiress looking for a good time and a Brazilian Baron ready to give it to her. The two agreed there would be no expectations and no disappoints.

 

ColbertZipper.JPG

 

When Ellie Andrews woke up the next day, and was getting dressed, she noticed a fruit basket with a card that read "thanks for the memories"

 

16_carmenlead.jpg

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She probably knew she should have stayed away from all those pina coladas. Maybe next time she'll wise up and just take a bus home (pausing to share some fruit with Mr. Gable.)

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<ahttp://www.luxurylaunches.com/entry_image/0609/22/Dracula.jpg height =400

width =300>

I see London, I see France...

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Dracula: Prince of Cleavage*

 

After being "killed" with a stake to the heart for the 78th time, the bloodthirsty count is

back. In seeking out his nubile female victims, he must walk a fine line: Making sure

there is a enough cleavage shown to draw in adolescent males viewers, but not that the

boobies slip out of the low-cut blouses and give the movie an R rating. As the count himself

puts it: "I only stare...till the sun rises."

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STAGE COACH FRIGHT

 

A priggish Western town decides to rid itself of its "undesirables" by sending them away in a rickety stagecoach. Meanwhile, a young English/American girl tries to cover the individuals' misdeeds by disguising herself as the stagecoach driver. She hopes to gain information regarding the passengers' personal history and report it to the police, in the hopes of proving either John Wayne's innocence or Marlene Dietrich's guilt. All is resolved when the stagecoach proves to be nothing more than a prop in the theatre where Miss Dietrich is appearing.

 

 

3.jpg

"You can't fool me...I know the difference between Claire Trevor and Teresa Wright."

 

Stage_Fright_1.jpg

"Maybe we can convince everyone that the stagecoach

is just one of Alistair Sim's fantasies"

 

Edited by: misswonderly on Oct 12, 2010 7:37 PM

 

Edited by: misswonderly on Oct 12, 2010 7:47 PM

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