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Bilgewasser

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Everything posted by Bilgewasser

  1. "You mother wears combat boots." "Hey, keep it down. She's just two trenches over." Most people don't realize that the prototype for the Slinky came out of the battlefields of World War One.
  2. This is the new secret handshake, straight from Berlin. That old Sieg Heil thingie was too conspicuous and besides it was getting kind of old. *Macht Schnell Mr. Moto* After a certain date which will live in infamy, Mr. Moto decides to update his identity. He now calls himself Herr von Mannheim, has traded his eyeglasses for a monocle, and given up jujitsu for dueling. But world events move too fast and Moto soon finds himself doing origami in an American jail.
  3. "No player ever rises to prominence solely on talent. They're molded by forces other than themselves." I can't help but wonder if Gary ever shared that theory with Ayn Rand while he was making The Fountainhead ? I kind of doubt it.
  4. "Sonny, how old are you? Twenty-nine? Don't you think you're a little too old to have mommy rock you in her arms?" "And then old Mr. Bumblepuss yawned and said 'Nighty, night,' and everybody went right to sleep."
  5. The Acme School of Cosmetology had beginning students work on dogs before they were allowed to even touch a human being. The Stooges were disappointed when they learned their IQs were lower than a dog's....their combined IQs.
  6. "Anybody seen Charlie around? He was here about half an hour ago playing with the leopard, but I haven't seen him since. You don't think..." "Hmmm. I wonder if a full leopard skin coat would cover up that airy fashion monstrosity?"
  7. "Okay honey, pull my finger to hear the motorcycle sound." "Oh no, I ain't falling for that one bub."
  8. "Okay lady, the first time we catch you wearing a hat like that we give you a warning. The second time we catch you, it's five days in jail. So this is your warning. Got it?" "I don't care what you call it back in LA. In this town we call it soliciting."
  9. "Honey, guess which pocket the Nembutal is in and I'll give it to you right now." "Birdie get me six pastrami on rye sandwiches, two large chocolate milkshakes and a jumbo bag of Wise potato chips." "Margo I really like working for you, but there's just too much drama here. I've found a new position taking care of a wheelchair-bound photographer named Mr. Jeffries. My life will be a whole lot calmer now."
  10. "Give the employees a 2% raise and time and a half on Simon Legree Day? I can live with that. A workers' co-op taking over the store and running it? No way, no how." "A series of Little Orphan Annie movies? Yes, my client is very interested. Now all we have to do is find some opaque contact lenses."
  11. "I think dad found the ice pick that went missing last week." William Demarest was a man of many talents. Not only an actor, he was also one of the first dual ventriloquists, using one voice and two dummies.
  12. OMG. Wire...wire everywhere...and not a piece of wood in sight! *Female on the Bleach* Newly widowed Joan Crawford can't help but fall in love with ****, hunky lazyass beach bum and super snoop Jeff Chandler. One night he invites Joan down to his boat, where he has been working on his "fuel pump" for what seems like ages. Joan just happens to take a peek in Jeff's closet and notices wire hangers. Crawford has a mega hissy fit, and in revenge bleaches not just Jeff's tighty whities, but his hair, making it even whiter than
  13. I'm gonna put you in my movie, You'll be a big star just wait and see, You won't need a lot of rehearsing, All you gotta do is act like cattle naturally.
  14. "Well I did it baby. I finally grew my eyebrows half an inch longer than yours." "The place looks great honey, but what's up with the tire on the living room wall?"
  15. "We're paying this friggin' weather guy $50,000 a year and he can't even forecast an afternoon rainstorm." "Yeah I wear my pajama tops under my raincoat. So what. Guess what I wear for bottoms? You want some breaking news, well here goes....."
  16. "Ladies and gentlemen, for the very first time in the annual Worst Dressed Britain at Bath contest we have a three-way tie." "I would never join a Pickwick Club that would have me as a member."
  17. "The last thing I do is put on my lipstick, making a nice clean line. Got it Pop?" "Thanks Stella. I'm going to try it tonight when I get home. Just wait till you see the cute little polka dot number I got from Sears. I'll bring it in one day. Remember this is just between you and me, okay Stella?" ************************************************************************************* "It's the FTC Pop. You're advertising popcorn, but I haven't seen a single kernel since I've been here. Come out with you hands up and nobody will get hurt."
  18. I was just replying to another poster's reply to me on that specific subject. The problem with a "larger than life" star like Wayne who was involved in lots of political matters is that he often draws attention to those matters. I think it also demonstrates the distance between the Hollywood hype and things as they really are. I was just having a little fun with Duchess. If no one else mentions this aspect of his life I won't bring it up again.
  19. Just as movie stars, I have no problem with either Wayne or Cooper. They're not among my favorites, but I've enjoyed many of their performances. As others have mentioned, Wayne lived a lot longer than Cooper and was more prone to put himself out there for PR, so it's not surprising that he has retained a higher profile among the general public. Wayne hemmed and hawed, procrastinated, and just never made much of an effort to get into WWII. Other married stars of his age had no trouble, so that shouldn't have been a problem for him. What's the most likely reason for not doin
  20. The only kind of balls Wayne had were fake Hollywood balls. In real life all he had was a yellow belly. :^0 I don't know how we managed it, but my entire family got through the 1960s and 1970s without caring two figs about what John Wayne was doing.
  21. "Dear, if you didn't want any Avon products you simply should have said so and closed the door." "Arthur you know that Cynthia takes everything so literally. You never should have told her that she looked drop dead gorgeous." "Yes indeed, that is quite a feather in your cap."
  22. I don't care if you're a nutty serial killer or not, when a man's got to go, a man's got to go. *The Town That Dreaded Hurry Sundown* The residents of a small Texas town live in fear because each year a fiendish stranger breaks into one house, ties the occupants to chairs, and forces them to watch the bonus features DVD of Hurry Sundown. Extras include a short film of Otto Preminger having his head waxed, Micheal Caine doing his Fred Astaire impression, and Faye Dunaway reciting her own poetry.
  23. "No there was no nuclear holocaust. We just dress a lot more casually than we used to." "My mother told me never to take candy from a stranger, but I guess a chocolate cheesecake would be okay."
  24. Right back at ya, flashback. Better Madeleine's number than Mrs. Bates'
  25. Mrs. Teesdale was such a strong supporter of the Production Code that she kept both feet on the floor and one hand on the bedpost even when there was no one else in the room. "OMG. I don't mind a horse head in my bed, but horse **** in my bed is one step too many."
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