LawrenceA

Science Crazed (1991) - 1/10 Canada comes through again with this zero-budget horror/comedy (???). A mad scientist impregnates a woman using an experimental procedure, resulting in her giving birth a day later, and the fetus becoming a fully grown person a day after that. This "newborn" (a guy wearing jeans, a bloody t-shirt, and bandages on his head) goes on a killing spree. The majority of the film's runtime is taken up by shots of the monster's feet as he shambles down hallways and corridors. A good solid 15 minutes of the movie's 82 minutes is comprised of footage of two women working out, first through aerobic dance, then at a gym. Large portions of the rest of the film are also padded in this manner, with people lounging around an in-door swimming pool, or walking in parking garages. There's about 30 lines of dialogue total, and several close-ups of people that look more like lighting tests than actual film footage. Truly one of the worst movies ever made. Enter at your own risk!

Samurai Cop (1991) - 2/10 Absurdly bad action flick about a San Diego cop nicknamed the "Samurai" (Matt Hannon) who works with the L.A.P.D. to stop a yakuza gang. With Robert Z'Dar, Mark Frazer, Janis Farley, Melissa Moore, Cranston Komuro, and Gerald Okamura. This has the reputation for being one of the absolute best worst action films ever released, and I have to say that it doesn't disappoint. Ineptly directed, badly acted, bafflingly edited, poorly dubbed, and sporting one of the dumbest screenplays ever produced, this is a gem of a turkey. Highly recommended to bad movie fans.

Dracula is 75 minutes long, so there will be a lot of commercials and Sven silliness.

Coming summer 2021... JOAD: The Wrathening of the Grapes

Academy votes not to change Oscar eligibility rules for streaming services in major win for Netflix The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences voted to maintain its eligibility rules for the Oscars amid calls for a crackdown on streaming services from some prominent members. On Tuesday night, the board of governors decided to keep the current requirements, which state that a feature-length film must run for one-week in an L.A. County theater to qualify for best picture. “The Academy’s Board of Governors voted to maintain Rule Two, Eligibility for the 92nd Oscars. The rule states that to be eligible for awards consideration, a film must have a minimum seven-day theatrical run in a Los Angeles County commercial theater, with at least three screenings per day for paid admission. Motion pictures released in nontheatrical media on or after the first day of their Los Angeles County theatrical qualifying run remain eligible,” the board said in a statement on its website. https://ew.com/oscars/2019/04/24/academy-oscar-eligibility-rules-streaming-services-netflix/

That's a Netflix produced film, and they usually don't get wide theatrical distribution. I can't find a source for the exact number of screens it opened on, though.

I'm not much of Garland fan, so I had no interest in this regardless. If the reviews had been ecstatic, I may have seen it eventually, but it was never something I was going to actively seek out or shell out money for. While the producers wanted to turn a profit, no one expected this to be a huge blockbuster hit, as the appeal would be very limited. Has there been a classic-era biopic that was a box-office hit in the past decade? And Zellweger isn't the most bankable star, either. Judging by the box-office take thus far, this seems like something that would have done better going straight to a streaming service or cable channel.

I saw one very brief TV commercial for it, nothing else. So it didn't receive much promotion, especially compared to other recent films. It also didn't get wide distribution, as it didn't come to my local theater. The only new movie we got this week was Abominable, which opened on 4242 screens.

Victor Kiriakis!

Dracula prequel - Dracula Untold (2014) Hannibal Lecter prequel - Hannibal Rising (2007) See, you could be a Hollywood producer, after all! Except these were both flops.... They haven't done Tom Joad yet, but...

Wait, this Terry Kiser?!? I can't imagine him in a romantic role. I only know him for playing creeps, and the dead guy in the Weekend at Bernie's movies. In my household, Days of Our Lives and Another World were the shows my mother and sisters watched, so I got to know quite a bit about them without actually watching them very much. I also saw a lot of Dark Shadows. My maternal grandmother watched The Secret Storm and The Edge of Night. A lot of good classic film-era talent appeared in those shows, as did a lot of up-and-comers.

Rudy Behlmer has died. He was one of the most high-profile film historians of the past 40+ years. Anyone who has watched a lot of classic films on disc will recognize Behlmer from his frequent appearances in making-of featurettes and classic films star profiles, as well as providing audio commentaries on many classic film releases.

The Indian Runner (1991) - 7/10 In late 60's Nebraska, a highway patrolman (David Morse) struggles to deal with his younger brother (Viggo Mortensen), an former soldier with a unpredictable violent streak. Also featuring Valeria Golino, Patricia Arquette, Charles Bronson, Sandy Dennis, Benicio Del Toro, and Dennis Hopper. A then-30-year-old Sean Penn wrote and directed this, and it has the hallmarks of a first film, with an occasionally weak focus and some self-indulgent bits. But overall I liked it. Mortensen, in one of his earliest major roles, has the most heavy lifting to do acting-wise and he's pretty good, although weak in spots. Bronson is surprisingly effective in a small role as the main characters' father. This was the final film of Sandy Dennis, briefly seen as their mother.

Fishing with John (1991-1992) - 7/10 Oddball TV show/mini-series that ran only 6 episodes and was aired sporadically on cable. Musician and actor John Lurie invites celebrity friends on exotic fishing excursions, to laughable results. His guests include Jim Jarmusch (who he takes out shark fishing off Montauk), Tom Waits (Jamaica), Matt Dillon (Costa Rica), Willem Dafoe (Maine ice fishing), and in the final two-parter, Dennis Hopper (Thailand). Each episode features overly dramatic narration by Robb Webb which is punctuated with non sequiturs and outright fabrications. This may be too dead pan and laid back for most viewers, but those on a certain wavelength will find it hilarious (as I did). It's one of the earliest DVD releases from Criterion.

Defending Your Life (1991) - 7/10 From writer-director-star Albert Brooks. He plays Daniel, a middle-aged L.A. guy who dies in a car crash. He wakes up in the afterlife, which looks a lot like southern California, where he has to await judgment to decide his next destination: either moving on to the next level of existence, or rebirth on Earth to learn more life lessons. While he awaits his trial, he meets fellow recently-deceased person Julia (Meryl Streep), and the two hit it off. With Rip Torn, Lee Grant, Buck Henry, and Ethan Embry. Brooks' version of the hereafter is amusing in it's bureaucracy. I liked the never-ending food options, as those waiting to be judged get to eat whatever they want, and however much they want, with no cost or physical repercussions, and it always tastes amazing. Rip Torn is funny as Brooks' boisterous defense attorney, and here he seems to have set the tone for his later career triumphs, like The Larry Sanders Show.

HAUSA!!!

Are you a Vaper? Or is it Vapist? Or perhaps Vapomancer?

I think it was Port Charles. Dark Shadows wasn't the only one! 🤓

The Crucifer of Blood (1991) - 5/10 Dull TV-movie take on Sherlock Holmes, with Charlton Heston miscast in the lead role, and Richard Johnson as Dr. Watson. They undertake a case involving a supposedly cursed chest of jewels brought to England from India. With Simon Callow as Lestrade, Edward Fox, Susannah Harker, John Castle, and Clive Wood. Originally shown on the TNT channel, and shot in the UK, this was scripted, produced, and directed by Charlton's son Fraser Heston. Both Heston and Johnson make for boring versions of their venerable characters, while the rest of the cast isn't given much to work with, either.

I'm glad you liked it! By the way, I recently re-watched Pieces, which I picked up on disc after reading your praises of it. It has to be one of the craziest slasher movies of the period, a strange mix of European giallo-style murder mystery and the more graphic gore of the films of Fulci or Lenzi.

IMDb has her appearing in General Hospital and All My Children.

Mike Vraney and Something Weird video used to do a great job finding and rescuing those grindhouse obscurities. Since Vraney died, I'm not sure how much preservation work is being done. AGFA, the American Genre Film Archive, has released some titles in conjunction with Something Weird, as well as some with Bleeding Skull (which specializes in shot-on-video horror of the 80's and 90's). Some of their work has been shown on TCM Underground.

Conagher (1991) - 7/10 TV-movie that originally aired on TNT, and based on a Louis L'Amour novel. Wandering cowboy Conn Conagher (Sam Elliott) finds work with an old rancher (Ken Curtis, in his final role) who's the target of a gang of cattle rustlers. Elsewhere, Evie (Katharine Ross) finds herself trying to keep her new ranch going after her husband is killed. Conn and Evie's paths soon crosses as they face many dangers. Also featuring Barry Corbin, Paul Koslo, Buck Taylor, Pepe Serna, Billy Green Bush, Gavan O'Herlihy, James Gammon, and Dub Taylor. This has a lot of good character work, with many familiar western-movie faces. I wasn't crazy about some of the early-90's orange-hued cinematography, but it wasn't the worst example of that terrible trend. Elliott later called this his favorite of all of his films. I wouldn't go that far, but it's not bad for a TV western of its time, when such things were scarce.

Most of Fargo takes place in Minnesota (Minneapolis and Brainerd). I was being facetious with you, really, but a friend of mine was married to a girl from Minneapolis, and while she had little to no accent herself, her parents sounded like they just stepped out of Fargo.

Do you say "You betcha!" or "Don'tcha know!" a lot?