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CaveGirl

Arrest Warrants for Awful Remakes

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One of my favorite movies, is Lars von Trier's "Riget" [aka "The Kingdom"] which originally was made as a Danis television project. It is so accomplished and stands alone in quality.

 

Of course, as usual American copycats thought they could remake it, and came up with the monstrosity known as "Kingdom Hospital" which if you have ever seen it, is really a nightmare and has none of the style and panache of the Lars von Trier masterpiece.

 

For this egregious breach of common sense, I would issue an arrest warrant for Stephen King and any of his underlings.

 

What remake makes you want to perform a citizen's arrest on the culprits who staged any copycat atrocity?

 

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Yeah and let the punishment be the ONLY thing showed on the jail cell TV  for the next several years of incarceration. :angry:

 

(Poetic justice they'll never forget it - begging for a memory wipe) 

 

Total-Recall-UK-Quad-Poster-585x4381.jpg

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You Can't Run Away from It a remake of It Happened One Night. 

 

June Allyson is way too old (39) to play a under 30 gal looking to get married and start a life away from her controlling rich dad  (Charles Bickford).    While Jack Lemmon is only 8 years younger then June,  the two have zero chemistry.     While the women in the story character is a slightly bitter women Colbert does this with a degree of charm that is enduring.    June is just bitter.  The romance falls flat.  The film is a major dud. 

 

 

 

 

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It would be a shorter effort to list the ones that were good, but a few of the really egregious remakes (imo) include:

 

The Fog (2005)

The Women (2008)

The Wicker Man (2006)

The Pink Panther (2006)

The Haunting (1999)

King Kong (1976)

Bedazzled (2000)

Beyond a Reasonable Doubt (2009)

Crackers (1984) - remake of Big Deal on Madonna Street (1958)

Death Race (2008)

Down to Earth (2001) - remake of Here Comes Mr. Jordan (1941)

Get Carter (2000)

House on Haunted Hill (1999)

The Jackal (1997)

Kiss of Death (1995)

Mr. Deeds (2002)

The Mummy (1999)

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

Village of the Damned (1995)

 

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You Can't Run Away from It a remake of It Happened One Night. 

 

June Allyson is way too old (39) to play a under 30 gal looking to get married and start a life away from her controlling rich dad  (Charles Bickford).    While Jack Lemmon is only 8 years younger then June,  the two have zero chemistry.     While the women in the story character is a slightly bitter women Colbert does this with a degree of charm that is enduring.    June is just bitter.  The romance falls flat.  The film is a major dud. 

Oh, gosh I've seen it and regretted seeing it.

 

Though I love Jack Lemmon, I kind of can't stand Allyson and she is a poor substitute for Claudette. Also there is a lot of singing, which seems out of place. Doesn't Stubby Kaye sing during the bus scene? Yes, very excellent choice for a film felony, James!

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"State Fair" (1962)--Has none of the charm of the 1933 version, or the enjoyable music of the 1945 version.  Tom Ewell sings a love song to his prize pig.  A Turkey the size of Godzilla.

 

"The Wiz" (1978)--Remake of "The Wizard of Oz" (1939) was a Broadway hit that didn't transfer well to the screen; Diana Ross is at least ten years too old for Dorothy.  Miscasting wrecks film.  The supporting cast does well.

 

"The Opposite Sex" (1956)--Unnecessary, unwanted remake of "The Women" (1939).  June Allyson as the suffering wife makes Norma Shearer look like Helen Hayes.  Two good songs don't save this unfunny mess that leaves a good cast stranded on the screen.  Agnes Moorehead, Delores Gray, and Joan Blondell grab what laughs they can.

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It would be a shorter effort to list the ones that were good, but a few of the really egregious remakes (imo) include:

 

The Fog (2005)

The Women (2008)

The Wicker Man (2006)

The Pink Panther (2006)

The Haunting (1999)

King Kong (1976)

Bedazzled (2000)

Beyond a Reasonable Doubt (2009)

Crackers (1984) - remake of Big Deal on Madonna Street (1958)

Death Race (2008)

Down to Earth (2001) - remake of Here Comes Mr. Jordan (1941)

Get Carter (2000)

House on Haunted Hill (1999)

The Jackal (1997)

Kiss of Death (1995)

Mr. Deeds (2002)

The Mummy (1999)

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

Village of the Damned (1995)

Wow, what a rap sheet! As long as one's arm and with multiple felony counts.

 

Of that list, I really can attest to the egregious horror of "The Wicker Man" as opposed to the original which is such a super duper film.

 

All of the participants who helped make the films in your list, should be drawn and quartered, Lawrence.

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"State Fair" (1962)--Has none of the charm of the 1933 version, or the enjoyable music of the 1945 version.  Tom Ewell sings a love song to his prize pig.  A Turkey the size of Godzilla.

 

"The Wiz" (1978)--Remake of "The Wizard of Oz" (1939) was a Broadway hit that didn't transfer well to the screen; Diana Ross is at least ten years too old for Dorothy.  Miscasting wrecks film.  The supporting cast does well.

 

"The Opposite Sex" (1956)--Unnecessary, unwanted remake of "The Women" (1939).  June Allyson as the suffering wife makes Norma Shearer look like Helen Hayes.  Two good songs don't save this unfunny mess that leaves a good cast stranded on the screen.  Agnes Moorehead, Delores Gray, and Joan Blondell grab what laughs they can.

 

Great selection for this hall of shame.    Now I would have mentioned The Opposite Sex but I didn't wish to mention two June Allyson movies.    :wacko:    

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"State Fair" (1962)--Has none of the charm of the 1933 version, or the enjoyable music of the 1945 version.  Tom Ewell sings a love song to his prize pig.  A Turkey the size of Godzilla.

 

"The Wiz" (1978)--Remake of "The Wizard of Oz" (1939) was a Broadway hit that didn't transfer well to the screen; Diana Ross is at least ten years too old for Dorothy.  Miscasting wrecks film.  The supporting cast does well.

 

"The Opposite Sex" (1956)--Unnecessary, unwanted remake of "The Women" (1939).  June Allyson as the suffering wife makes Norma Shearer look like Helen Hayes.  Two good songs don't save this unfunny mess that leaves a good cast stranded on the screen.  Agnes Moorehead, Delores Gray, and Joan Blondell grab what laughs they can.

Right on, FL with the first two and again let's blame June for the third entry.

 

She has received multiple film convictions and should be on the Most Wanted List as Criminal Actress #1 for sure!

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The 2008 version of THE WOMEN is a perfect example of what can go wrong when one attempts to "update" something.    Seemingly a Meg Ryan vanity project, it is awesomely cringeworthy. 

 

Now, the 2001 Broadway revival of the play which was filmed and aired on PBS was terrific and decidedly not updated.

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The 2008 version of THE WOMEN is a perfect example of what can go wrong when one attempts to "update" something.    Seemingly a Meg Ryan vanity project, it is awesomely cringeworthy. 

 

Now, the 2001 Broadway revival of the play which was filmed and aired on PBS was terrific and decidedly not updated.

It was awful. I caught a bit of it on tv and watched just to see how bad it could be.

 

Meg Ryan did her typical cutesy bit.

 

Yccck!

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Little Women is always being updated.

 

So is Mutiny on the Bounty.

 

The latest Little Women, with Susan Saranon and Claire Danes was excellent, so was a 1978 TV version with Dorothy McGuire as Marmee and Greer Garson as Aunt March.

 

Let's not forget, My Fair Lady was a remake o Pygmalion, which was eerily similar to "Kitty".

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"State Fair" (1962)--Has none of the charm of the 1933 version, or the enjoyable music of the 1945 version.  Tom Ewell sings a love song to his prize pig.  A Turkey the size of Godzilla.

 

"The Wiz" (1978)--Remake of "The Wizard of Oz" (1939) was a Broadway hit that didn't transfer well to the screen; Diana Ross is at least ten years too old for Dorothy.  Miscasting wrecks film.  The supporting cast does well.

 

"The Opposite Sex" (1956)--Unnecessary, unwanted remake of "The Women" (1939).  June Allyson as the suffering wife makes Norma Shearer look like Helen Hayes.  Two good songs don't save this unfunny mess that leaves a good cast stranded on the screen.  Agnes Moorehead, Delores Gray, and Joan Blondell grab what laughs they can.

 

 

Add "Annie" (2014) to that list.

 

It flopped, bombed...DUH I wonder why?

 

loa5.jpg

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Add "Annie" (2014) to that list.

 

It flopped, bombed...DUH I wonder why?

 

loa5.jpg

Unless they can find a kid with big, white staring vacant eyes and with a dog to match, it will never be good.

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Little Women is always being updated.

 

So is Mutiny on the Bounty.

 

The latest Little Women, with Susan Saranon and Claire Danes was excellent, so was a 1978 TV version with Dorothy McGuire as Marmee and Greer Garson as Aunt March.

 

Let's not forget, My Fair Lady was a remake o Pygmalion, which was eerily similar to "Kitty".

 

Kitty adds an interesting twist to this topic.   It isn't really a remake of any prior film version of Pygmalion since it was based on the novel Kitty by Rosamond Marshall,  but the film is a 'mix' from all of those sources (the Kitty novel,  the Shaw play and the prior Pygmalion film versions). 

 

Pygmalion was a 1935 German film, then a 1937 Dutch film and then the British 1938 film,  that English speaking folks like myself are aware of.    I have no idea how much the British film 'used' from those other two films.   I assume not much since I have read the play and the film closely mirrors the play.

 

I don't view My Fair Lady as a remake of the British film but instead a musical adaption of the Shaw play.    But of course some might say that is just splitting hairs.

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Little Women is always being updated.

 

So is Mutiny on the Bounty.

 

The latest Little Women, with Susan Saranon and Claire Danes was excellent, so was a 1978 TV version with Dorothy McGuire as Marmee and Greer Garson as Aunt March.

 

Let's not forget, My Fair Lady was a remake o Pygmalion, which was eerily similar to "Kitty".

C or K, I would so much rather see a remake of "Little Men".

They could combine it was a remake of "HMS Pinafore" and "Little Men" and have small males as pirates who sing constantly.

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C or K, I would so much rather see a remake of "Little Men".

 

A remake of the 1998 version, you mean?

(Briefly spun off a Canadian TV series, but it's hard enough to remember the movie.)

 

And absolutely no mention of John McTiernan setting out to remake all his buddy Norman Jewison's iconic movies as a labor of love?

Started out nicely with turning The Thomas Crown Affair into a Pierce Brosnan heist pic (and hoping to turn the sequel into Brosnan as Maximilian Schell from "Topkapi"), but when he turned Rollerball into a cool teen X-games being run on the pirate Internet by Russian gangsters...   :unsure:

I don't think we've seen any more remakes from McTiernan since.  Good thing he didn't get to "Fiddler on the Roof".

 

"The Wiz" (1978)--Remake of "The Wizard of Oz" (1939) was a Broadway hit that didn't transfer well to the screen; Diana Ross is at least ten years too old for Dorothy.  Miscasting wrecks film.  The supporting cast does well.

 

 

Again, that's the "My Fair Lady" problem of it being a version of a stage musical that remade the source material, not a remake of the movie.

(At least, not in the way that "Wicked" immediately assumes that Glinda was supposed to sound like Billie Burke.)

 

I remember the original musical opening in NY, but since I never saw the stage version, I'm not sure whether Lumet's "NYC Oz", or that recent generic live NBC thing, represents the actual 70's original.

They don't seem to resemble each other.

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Add "Annie" (2014) to that list.

 

It flopped, bombed...DUH I wonder why?

 

loa5.jpg

 

I just always wonder about LITTLE ORPHAN ANNIE.

 

I mean, was INK THAT EXPENSIVE DURING THE DEPRESSION that they couldn't afford two dots for pupils?

 

'Cause damn that is creepy.

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I guess that I consider THE WOMEN (2008) an update rather than a remake in that it is set in present day and many of the gals have Important Careers other than shopgirl and manicurist, along with a variety of more modern story elements.

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the+little+rasclas01.jpgNo comments necessary :blink:

That abomination of cuteness makes me really miss Porky, Buckwheat, Spanky and Alfalfa.

 

Otay!

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"The Little Rascals" cannot be recreated because they were a product of the 1930's time period and replacing characters like Alfalfa is and Spanky ludicrous!  By the way exactly what's up with the 1930's kids during in the present??  Some alien time warped them?

 

Does have a laughable moment if anyone paid attention WHO'S in it (not noticeable at the time)

 

You're the best son money can buy. :lol: 

 

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