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slaytonf

Filmmaking Rules

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7 minutes ago, Bethluvsfilms said:

A man or a woman is willing to be stuck with the fussy, uptight, boring mate they've settled for until someone more unpredictable and/or wild and crazy comes along to open their eyes.

Yeah, I suppose this one is "invariable" alright, Beth.

AH, but THEN the question would be: Would Ralph Bellamy, Wendell Corey AND Allyn Joslyn all be remembered today if this "rule" WEREN'T "invariable", I wonder???

(...well, okay...not that any of 'em are all that well remembered now days by the general public ANYWAY, of course)

;)

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23 minutes ago, Dargo said:

Yeah, I suppose this one is "invariable" alright, Beth.

AH, but THEN the question would be: Would Ralph Bellamy, Wendell Corey AND Allyn Joslyn all be remembered today if this "rule" WEREN'T "invariable", I wonder???

(...well, okay...not that any of 'em are all that well remembered now days by the general public ANYWAY, of course)

;)

Of the three, I suspect Ralph Bellamy is the most well known among younger filmgoers, and most likely it's only because of  1983's TRADING PLACES.

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29 minutes ago, Dargo said:

Yeah, I suppose this one is "invariable" alright, Beth.

AH, but THEN the question would be: Would Ralph Bellamy, Wendell Corey AND Allyn Joslyn all be remembered today if this "rule" WEREN'T "invariable", I wonder???

(...well, okay...not that any of 'em are all that well remembered now days by the general public ANYWAY, of course)

;)

Ah! Thanks for reminding me:

When someone comes up to a door and rings, or knocks, and there is someone to answer the door, and it does not matter if the door is to an apartment, or a house , or grand manor, the door will be answered within three--no--two seconds.

 

This rule is invariable.

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6 minutes ago, slaytonf said:

Ah! Thanks for reminding me:

When someone comes up to a door and rings, or knocks, and there is someone to answer the door, and it does not matter if the door is to an apartment, or a house , or grand manor, the door will be answered within three--no--two seconds.

 

This rule is invariable.

LOL

A rule so nice, it deserves to be mentioned twice! ;)

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5 hours ago, Bethluvsfilms said:

A man or a woman is willing to be stuck with the fussy, uptight, boring mate they've settled for until someone more unpredictable and/or wild and crazy comes along to open their eyes.

Unless they're divorced, and now planning to marry their new fussy, uptight boring fiance' (who must also be richer and a self-centered jerk), but are willing to break the engagement if the goofy ex can prove himself more creative, by accident or design.

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7 hours ago, Bethluvsfilms said:

Of the three, I suspect Ralph Bellamy is the most well known among younger filmgoers, and most likely it's only because of  1983's TRADING PLACES.

And possibly even younger viewers due to his changing RICHARD GERE'S ways in 1990's PRETTY WOMAN.

Which brings up another "rule"...

If a prostitute is a main character in a movie, she's often humorously outspoken and used as "comic relief"  or....

She became a prostitute because some man "done her wrong" or...

If she's THE main character of a movie, she'll find redemption at movie's end, be reformed or reform some cold-hearted man or....

They'll BOTH be reformed and live happily ever after.

Sepiatone

 

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In a movie featuring baseball, it will all come down to the last game--pardon me, the last pitch to the last batter of the last game.

This rule is invariable.

A corollary is the the ownership of the team is on the line.

This rule is also invariable.

The probability the game will be for the pennant increases proportionately with the age of the movie:

Pπ ∝  Am

Where:

Pπ is the probability of the game being for the pennant

And:

Am is the age of the movie

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On 1/19/2018 at 8:30 PM, slaytonf said:

In a movie featuring baseball, it will all come down to the last game--pardon me, the last pitch to the last batter of the last game.

This rule is invariable.

A corollary is the the ownership of the team is on the line.

This rule is also invariable.

The probability the game will be for the pennant increases proportionately with the age of the movie:

Pπ ∝  Am

Where:

Pπ is the probability of the game being for the pennant

And:

Am is the age of the movie

What? Just for the pennant. Why not for the destruction of the world? Baseball movies must be rather dull.

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Here is one that is peculiar to a particular. In Alfred Hitchcock movies, it is de rigeur that a man who casually walks out of a building onto a city street or ambles across the area of an airport will nonchalantly walk in a straight line regardless of the plethora of other humans who cross his path in a myriad of angles without destroying his gait.

What's the formula for that one, Slaytonf? ;)

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19 hours ago, laffite said:

Here is one that is peculiar to a particular. In Alfred Hitchcock movies, it is de rigeur that a man who casually walks out of a building onto a city street or ambles across the area of an airport will nonchalantly walk in a straight line regardless of the plethora of other humans who cross his path in a myriad of angles without destroying his gait.

What's the formula for that one, Slaytonf? ;)

This is not so much the result of a function as the expression of a Newtonian law:  an object in motion will tend to stay in motion, unless operated on by an external force.

Hm, funny.  I do that all the time.

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1 hour ago, slaytonf said:

This is not so much the result of a function as the expression of a Newtonian law:  an object in motion will tend to stay in motion, unless operated on by an external force.

Hm, funny.  I do that all the time.

And so do we all. But normally there are not as many external forces to contend with regard to our relatively mundane existences. But I doubt Hitch cared a fig for Newton.

Edited by laffite

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On 1/13/2018 at 8:19 PM, slaytonf said:

When someone comes up to a door and rings, or knocks, and there is someone to answer the door, and it does not matter if the door is to an apartment, or a house , or grand manor, the door will be answered within three--no--two seconds.

  • And on those few occasions when its not answered, the visitor simply turns the knob and walks right in. Apparently, they don't lock doors in classic films.
  • If the hero says there's a one in a million chance, there's normally a 99.9% chance of success.
  • Every bad guy has a well known weakness. And he's done nothing to prevent the hero from exploiting it.
  • Random henchmen: One bullet and dead. Head villian: Several bullets and he's staggering, dragging his body across the floor still able to push one button or grab a gun from the floor or magically get away. 

 

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In movies that have any scenes that occur out in "the boonies", our hero will find a rare phone that will only get calls through with the assistance of a switchboard operator named "Sarah".

Farmers in ANY part of the country will all use words like, "Welp" (for "well") "Dolgurn it", "Dadburn" and pronunciations like, "Sassy-frass", "Sody-pop" and will sometimes be "AGIN" it.

Sepiatone

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The hero will always cut the proper wire no more than three seconds before the time bomb is set to explode.

And speaking of heroes...

When captured by the bad guy, said bad guy who has already shot and killed numerous others without batting an eye and/or had his henchmen perform the deeds, will not only take the time to explain to the hero his reasons and the goals of his misdeeds, but will also fail to perform the coup de grace upon said hero and will just leave him incapacitated in some manner.

(...think: "Do you expect me to talk?"..."No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to die!") 

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On 1/6/2018 at 9:31 AM, Bethluvsfilms said:

This rule applies more to modern movies.....but if you are African American, it's a sure bet you will be the first to die in a horror movie.

The only exception to that is probably Romero's "Night of the Living Dead!...haha!

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In a western, when a wagon train, or ranch house, or something, is attacked by indigenous tribes, every shot hits.

This rule can be variable.

 

A corollary is that one mounted attacker after being shot will fall off his horse and be dragged along by one foot, even though native tribes used no saddles.

This rule is invariable.

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Everyone speaks English in the world.  No matter whether someone is in Germany, Japan, Russia, etc. they speak English and not broken English either. 

Any non-American accent can double for an accent of any other nation.  A British accent can also stand in for an upper crust American east coast accent. 

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45 minutes ago, speedracer5 said:

Everyone speaks English in the world.  No matter whether someone is in Germany, Japan, Russia, etc. they speak English and not broken English either. 

Any non-American accent can double for an accent of any other nation.  A British accent can also stand in for an upper crust American east coast accent. 

And of course speedy, you might have also noticed that British accents seem to have no limits to even the time frame depicted within a film, as it's seemed the norm for movies even set as far back as the Roman Empire.

(...WITH of course the possible exception of that one time a certain American actor mumbled, ahem, excuse me, INTONED the famous line, "Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears" while standing upon the steps of the Roman Senate, anyway) ;)

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One occurred to me recently while watching a few old movies and TV shows.....

Having "a wife and three kids" is the main reason given to beg out of being shot by a mugger or someone else, and also the main reason some cop or soldier is excused from some dangerous assignment or mission-----, "Let Eddie stay behind.  He's got a wife and three kids."  This rarely varies.  And it seems that any guy with a wife, but only TWO kids is SOL. ;)

Sepiatone

 

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If a certain flashy, show-biz director brags about the specimen that he brought back from the jungle, cannot possibly break out of the restraints applied on it, sure enough that specimen is going to break loose and run amok in no time at all.

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If a man/woman wears an eye-patch or has a facial scar they are inevitably BAD GUYS/GIRLS.

 

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5 minutes ago, marcar said:

If a man/woman wears an eye-patch or has a facial scar they are inevitably BAD GUYS/GIRLS.

 

I wouldn't bet on it.

e2680c81b023cd643dad77bc53c3bc0d7e235bb1

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)If a character walks into a room and carries on a conversation without waiting for a response you know that the person they are talking to is either the bad guy lying in wait or is lying dead on the floor in the kitchen.

 

When a giant bomb explodes in a rain of fire, if you are near it you will not look back, but keep walking and will not be hurt or knocked down by the shock wave or suffer hearing damage. (Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg hysterically satirize this filmmaking rule in "The Other Guys").

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Just one more coz this is fun:

If you're a woman and want to be considered sexy/desirable just take off your glasses and pull the scrunchie from your ponytail.

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