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Dear Diary,


It's been a hectic, crazy, madcap week! Weeeeeeee!

Today is Good Friday, and I am brimming with goodness! All I want to know is what I can do to help!


Take poor Dawn Wells. That girl had talent! She could have had a career!

But shes a pothead! Marijuana! Mary Jane ! Mary Ann! See what I mean?


My beep phone has been ringing, all morning long! It's that *****, Kathy Ireland, bothering me about that stupid jewelry nonsense! I didn't think she'd take me seriously!

God, it all started when Betty, Debbie, Mitzi Gaynor, Angie and me ,were sitting out by my pool, one hot day in June. We had a few cocktails and we were laughing and clapping our hands. Angie was teasing Romeo, my poolman, by eating a banana in a lewd manner!

That Romeo, he's so good natured! "Ah, Miss Angie, you do dirty with the banana!", he laughs, while shaking his head in mock disbelief. He's so handsome, and he's hung like a horse!

Ooops! Did I make a slip, Diary?

Well, we were having a ball when I heard a commotion behind the hedges! "

"Oh beep, it's those little biches!", hissed Betty.

In swept Pammie Anderson, Little Paris, Nicole, and dozens of their friends! Suddenly, Sinatra was replaced by 50 Cent and the booze was flowing!

That little Mario Lopez. God, he's dreamy! Those dimples make me wet!

Angie disappeared into the kitchen with Kid Rock and Carmen Electra (and 2 bottles of Yukon Jack) to make tacos and ribs for the gang!

Carson Kressley got into a hissy cat fight with Mitzi about chiffon! "I was spinning in chiffon before you wer born, baby!" Mitzi snarled. Then, she gulped down her champagne, grabbed the bottle, and staggered into the poolhouse with Romeo! Oh,did I mention? Romeo is as gay as an Easter basket, and he likes to wear Mitzis dancing shoes. Poor Carson, he was in tears later, crying on Larry Birkhead's shoulder, while rubbing Larry's thigh!

What a group!

Anyway, back to Kathy Ireland!

She overheard Debbie, Cher and me, talking about jewelry, when she walked over to me and said "We should get into the jewelry business together!". "Sure Kathy, let's do that sometime", I giggled

I may have given her the wrong impression, because earlier I was consoling her over previous bad investments! The next beep thing you know, I was on beep Larry King, hawking the crap! Whoever invited her, in the first place?

Now she's hounding me! The last time she called, we put her on speakers throughout the estate, while Debbie kept answering and pretending she was a Chinese laundry! We all laughed and threw our drink cups!

Well, I have to go. Nancy just got here and Betty will try to start an argument with her about politics. Especially, if Betty has been smoking weed with Angie and Pammie!


Ta Ta


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