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The Annual FrankGrimes Torture Thread


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Good Evening, Little Mermaid -- I loved the Splash montage. That was wonderful. I could go for a mermaid.

 

You got a big laugh from me with your reading, and I'm going to be paying for your words for quite some time. You stuck it to me, Barb!

 

You are a thinker with a highly trained mind. (guffaw...)

 

That truly is a guffaw. But I am an overthinker.

 

You have Scorpio in your tenth house of career. This means you would make a splendid detective, ferreting out secrets from everyone. You would also feel comfortable working with the dead.

 

Well, I am the undead, so I guess you have a point. Just make sure you don't drive the point in my heart.

 

Okay, you've got Aquarius rising: Humanistic, empathetic, more rational than emotional, non-materialistic (yet in some respects you really long for status and power), interested in politics and world affairs. Nothing shocks you. You relate open-mindedly to people from all walks of life.

 

That's very accurate.

 

Pisces in the second house: You'll never have enough money, but since you live in your dreams, that won't matter much.

 

You're on it.

 

Aries in the third: You're a bundle of energy in your immediate neighborhood; everyone knows you and you do get around. You feel comfortable in these familiar surroundings, and really thrive best there.

 

I'm definitely a creature of comfort, but I don't get around. The smaller the world, the better with me.

 

Taurus in the fourth: You might be interested in owning real estate. You wouldn't mind playing lord of the manor, like Cary Grant in MR. BLANDINGS BUILDS HIS DREAM HOUSE. You might get some dough from an inheritance. Your later years will be peaceful and secure.

 

You're probably not too far off on this one.

 

Gemini in the fifth. Uh-oh. Love affairs come and go. Mainly go. You're attracted to women who are somewhat emotionally immature and who can't commit. But then, neither can you.

 

More like, never come, so they never go. But you are right, I'm actually someone who is very much committed, it's just a matter of me committing. Or is it that I should be committed? I think that's most accurate.

 

Cancer in the sixth: Watch what you eat. You have a sensitive stomach. It's a good thing you're a meat-and-potatoes guy, because at the first bite of anything "exotic" you might start throwing up.

 

My tastes in food are horrendous. And, you are right, the first bite bothers me. Well, unless it's necks.

 

Leo in the seventh: Well, you're loyal to your friends and you have a lot of them. Any romantic attachments that do miraculously manage to hold on for longer than three seconds will be stable and emotionally rewarding.

 

My friends have dwindled over the years, mainly because I have sought time for myself. Again, I prefer small worlds. "Miraculous" is the perfect word for romantic attachment.

 

Virgo in the 8th: Oh, my God, you"ve got your Sun in the house of death. Don't worry, that just means you are really very intense about life even though you appear passive and weak, and this does give validation to your "old soul-dom". You are obsessed with sex.

 

And here ends the life of Frank Grimes. You just killed me, Bronxie! I died laughing and there are others who are going to kill me with your words. I'm officially dunfer.

 

I'm too laid-back for intensity. "Passive," you say? Hmmmmmmmmmmm... :D

 

 

Libra in the 9th: Your Moon is in the house of long journeys, foreigners, and higher education. You'll come into contact with people who are different from you, smarter than you, and will want you to go far away. Seriously, it means you are intellectual and will benefit from further schooling, perhaps abroad. You relate to people from all over the world.

 

I would certainly benefit from further "schooling," perhaps a broad. :) It will be a miracle if I'm taking long journeys, meeting foreigners, and seeking higher education. But you never know.

 

We know about Scorpio in the 10th. No wonder you love noir.

 

Does this have to do with me being obsessed with sex, too?

 

Sag in your 11th: This is the house of groups and friendships. So GG might give you a passing glance (but only to say hello) Lots of pals to share sports and travel with.

 

Yes, a Sag will turn their head.

 

Capricorn in the 12th: You need to become a workaholic.

 

You are right. I'm way too much of a playaholic.

 

Lady Bronxgirl

1948 Scottish Castle Lane

Inverness

 

I like it!

 

Send the fifty bucks to:

 

I don't like it. :P All those houses has landed me in the... poor or big, you choose.

 

That was fun, Barb! You're good... and bad... which makes you very good to me.

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With me you'll always get the truth. Even if it hurts.

 

Remember the movie THE EGYPTIAN (Gene Tierney is in it, and she's damned good being very twisted, so you'll love it) with Edmund Purdom?

 

At one point, in order to pay his debts because he's spent every last cent on heartless Bella Darvi, he spends some time working in the House of the Dead, stirring the cauldron to make the embalming fluid for the mummies.

 

I see you doing that. Hey, in this economy, any kind of a job is good.

 

Love for you means always having to say you're sorry, which is ironic since I look like a (rapidly aging) Ali MacGraw.

 

Stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself: "I'm accomplished! I'm handsome! I have charisma! Women are drawn to me!" I can do anything I set my mind to! I am self-assured and confident!"

 

I can't give you any advice, however, when the mirror starts laughing.

 

You often read certain magazines under the covers with a flashlight.

I suggest you stop doing this and buy a dog, preferably a cute one. Then all the women will flock to you with their "awwwws" and their bosoms hanging out as they stoop down to pet it. Girls love men with animals. Not snakes or tarantulas of course. But anything fuzzy and canine will win their hearts. You can take that to the bank.

 

Speaking of which, although you'll be in poverty most of your life and rummage through garbage cans for meat and potatoes, money will come to you as if from heaven, and then you can live happily ever after in your secure little neighborhood in a sweet little house that possibly you have gotten from a family member.

 

You need to be more outgoing. I suggest you stand in the middle of a busy street with a clown suit on and hold a sign that reads "Do you think I'm funny?" Your date book will swell up after that. Everyone loves a sense of humor, intentional or not.

 

You are filled with peace and love. But Tums or Rolaids will take care of that.

 

I see you tinkering with automobiles. Tinkering with anything else might get you in trouble however.

 

I am going to sleep now and dream about ducks.

 

I will continue my chart readings for you tomorrow.

 

Go to bed yourself.

 

And put that flashlight away.

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*Well, I am the undead, so I guess you have a point. Just make sure you don't drive the point in my heart.*

 

And so another window into the mind of Grimey has been opened. Oh dear.

 

*You are obsessed with sex.*

 

Aaahhh! Stop!! The laughing-it hurts!!!

 

*You'll come into contact with people who are different from you, smarter than you, and will want you to go far away.*

 

Wow, that's eerie-how did they know you'd meet me? :)

 

*I would certainly benefit from further "schooling," perhaps a broad.*

 

Nice.

 

*I'm sure of that! She said the "afternoon," and then I asked, "one o'clock"? She thought it was around there. She told me she went to her family doctor that day, complaining of back pain. The doc told her she was in labor and sent her to the hospital. I went from a pain in the back to a pain in the...*

 

My mother actually scheduled my birth. I think that's why I'm so **** retentive about being on time.

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Hola, Lady Libra -- With me you'll always get the truth. Even if it hurts.

 

No sweet lies?

 

Remember the movie THE EGYPTIAN (Gene Tierney is in it, and she's damned good being very twisted, so you'll love it) with Edmund Purdom?

 

Stop torturing me! I haven't seen The Egyptian and it's one of the Tierney films I'd love to see the most.

 

At one point, in order to pay his debts because he's spent every last cent on heartless Bella Darvi, he spends some time working in the House of the Dead, stirring the cauldron to make the embalming fluid for the mummies. I see you doing that. Hey, in this economy, any kind of a job is good.

 

I probably could do a decent job of stirring a cauldron, but I know of someone who is much better at that sort of thing. ;)

 

Love for you means always having to say you're sorry, which is ironic since I look like a (rapidly aging) Ali MacGraw.

 

Sadly, that twist works for me. Why? Because I'm a major "apologizer." I assume blame most of the time. That goes with my peacemaking personality.

 

Stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself: "I'm accomplished! I'm handsome! I have charisma! Women are drawn to me!" I can do anything I set my mind to! I am self-assured and confident!"

 

I'm too honest to do such a thing. I hate lying. I'm awful at it.

 

I can't give you any advice, however, when the mirror starts laughing.

 

:D

 

You often read certain magazines under the covers with a flashlight. I suggest you stop doing this and buy a dog, preferably a cute one. Then all the women will flock to you with their "awwwws" and their bosoms hanging out as they stoop down to pet it. Girls love men with animals. Not snakes or tarantulas of course. But anything fuzzy and canine will win their hearts. You can take that to the bank.

 

Okay, I'm going to rush out and get two dogs and then I'm gonna head to Coop's Girl's place. I bet she'll love to see my doggies. :) It won't be her bosoms hanging out. It'll be my neck.

 

Speaking of which, although you'll be in poverty most of your life and rummage through garbage cans for meat and potatoes, money will come to you as if from heaven, and then you can live happily ever after in your secure little neighborhood in a sweet little house that possibly you have gotten from a family member.

 

Now we're talkin'. Rummaging is so much fun!

 

You need to be more outgoing. I suggest you stand in the middle of a busy street with a clown suit on and hold a sign that reads "Do you think I'm funny?" Your date book will swell up after that. Everyone loves a sense of humor, intentional or not.

 

All I need is a clown suit to be funny? I never knew. I'm thinking the only girl that would show me any attention would be J-Girl, that is if the clown suit is a killer klown from outer space suit. And do you know what would go perfect with a clown suit? Rainbowy sneaks! I wonder where I could get a pair. :D

 

You are filled with peace and love. But Tums or Rolaids will take care of that.

 

Peace and love be with you, Bronxie. You are right, I'm actually a peace and love-type... minus the narcotics. I'm naturally high.

 

I see you tinkering with automobiles. Tinkering with anything else might get you in trouble however.

 

If you see me tinkering with cars your crystal ball needs some tinkering.

 

I am going to sleep now and dream about ducks.

 

I hope Daffy enjoys his massage. :)

 

I will continue my chart readings for you tomorrow.

 

I'm sure you'll find a way to make me a bigger pervert then. Fantastic! That always goes over so well with the ladies.

 

Go to bed yourself. And put that flashlight away.

 

Damn!

 

Bonjour, Minya -- Well, I am the undead, so I guess you have a point. Just make sure you don't drive the point in my heart.

 

And so another window into the mind of Grimey has been opened. Oh dear.

 

You just better make sure your window is closed. ;)

 

You are obsessed with sex.

 

Aaahhh! Stop!! The laughing-it hurts!!!

 

:D Shouldn't you be tending to your kids?

 

You'll come into contact with people who are different from you, smarter than you, and will want you to go far away.

 

Wow, that's eerie-how did they know you'd meet me?

 

That is eerie. If I were to meet you, I would want to go far away. :P:P And you would be ever so glad that I did.

 

I would certainly benefit from further "schooling," perhaps a broad.

 

Nice.

 

Oh, come on. That's a total compliment to women. I know I'd learn a lot from a broad. None of it useful, but still I'd learn. :P

 

My mother actually scheduled my birth. I think that's why I'm so **** retentive about being on time.

 

Very good! I'm never on time and I overstay my unwelcome. So where's the chili?

 

Did you get your red dress yet, Rio? I don't want your cherry ice cream smile to melt.

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*Oh, come on. That's a total compliment to women. I know I'd learn a lot from a broad. None of it useful, but still I'd learn*

 

That's one of the problems with the interwebs-you can't tell tone. I didn't mean it in an admonishing way-I really did think it was a nice play on words. :)

 

*Shouldn't you be tending to your kids?*

 

You can't see it, but I'm sticking my tongue out at you.

 

*Did you get your red dress yet, Rio? I don't want your cherry ice cream smile to melt.*

 

In about a week! Eeeeeee!!!!

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That's one of the problems with the interwebs-you can't tell tone. I didn't mean it in an admonishing way-I really did think it was a nice play on words.

 

I didn't want you to think I was obsessed with sex or anything. :D

 

I liked your "nice" reply. I thought it was perfect, admonishingly so.

 

FYI, no need to worry about me getting defensive with you. It's not my style, and I like yours.

 

Shouldn't you be tending to your kids?

 

You can't see it, but I'm sticking my tongue out at you.

 

That's better than a smack, which is what I expected.

 

Did you get your red dress yet, Rio? I don't want your cherry ice cream smile to melt.

 

In about a week! Eeeeeee!!!!

 

Now you're not going to tease me for another week, are you? How about your red "Hog," Biker Chick? Is that coming in this week?

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*Now you're not going to tease me for another week, are you? How about your red "Hog," Biker Chick? Is that coming in this week?*

 

Tease? Now I really will have a reputation as a hoyden. Interestingly enough, when I called the bike shop on Monday (for that was when my bike was due in) they told me that the bikes were finally in at the warehouse and that they should have it in store by the 14th. So Happy Bastille Day to me if it comes true. I would have to pick the one bike in the one color that everybody else on the planet seems to want and that they oversold. Such is my luck.

 

*I didn't want you to think I was obsessed with sex or anything*

 

Well, I have heard some rumors......

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Now you're not going to tease me for another week, are you? How about your red "Hog," Biker Chick? Is that coming in this week?

 

Tease? Now I really will have a reputation as a hoyden.

 

Hoyden? Did you just go smart on me, Trashy? Now what book is droppin' that language? Don't tell me this is Jane Austen.

 

Interestingly enough, when I called the bike shop on Monday (for that was when my bike was due in) they told me that the bikes were finally in at the warehouse and that they should have it in store by the 14th. So Happy Bastille Day to me if it comes true. I would have to pick the one bike in the one color that everybody else on the planet seems to want and that they oversold. Such is my luck.

 

Yes, where's your originality? I thought girls were supposed to ride pink bikes, non? Ohh, now I get it. Hoydens only ride saucy red bikes.

 

I didn't want you to think I was obsessed with sex or anything

 

Well, I have heard some rumors......

 

You made me laugh out loud!

 

I can't even say that's a backroom rumor now, either. Ahhhh, Bronxie. You give a girl your birthtime and she tells you that you're a sex fiend. I better not give her the fifty bucks. That wouldn't look good at all.

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*Hoyden? Did you just go smart on me, Trashy? Now what book is droppin' that language? Don't tell me this is Jane Austen.*

 

Mostly I just needed an opportunity to use that word and it doesn't come up very often, so I had to grab it.

 

*Ohh, now I get it. Hoydens only ride saucy red bikes.*

 

Exactly! It's part of the way we get our 'scarlet woman' reputation! Wokka wokka wokka.

 

*I better not give her the fifty bucks. That wouldn't look good at all.*

 

Now the picture is becoming clear!!!! And you do such a good job pretending to be the injured party!!! A 'gentleman', indeed!!!!

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*"It's part of the way we get our 'scarlet woman' reputation! "Wokka wokka wokka."* - Minya

 

Ms. Pacman was a 'scarlet woman"? Who knew?

 

Kyle (remembers that "eating" sound very well) In Hollywood

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Frank:

 

Interesting how you want to study "a broad" and the next thing you know you are getting instructions, from a woman, on how to get women with their bosoms hanging out. Funny how that works.

 

Is this a great country or what?

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> {quote:title=JackFavell wrote:}{quote}

> Everything's Ducky. Was that the movie with Mickey Rooney and Buddy Hackett that I was watching? It should have been called Everything Yucky.....and yet I kept watching......it was fascinating and charming in a weird kind of horrible way.

 

Mickey Rooney and Buddy Hackett together starring in a movie is

too, too much. If Keenan Wynn had been thrown in or Jerry Lewis,

it would have imploded from all that frenetic energy!

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A very good morning to you, Chris! -- Interesting how you want to study "a broad" and the next thing you know you are getting instructions, from a woman, on how to get women with their bosoms hanging out. Funny how that works.

 

:D It's great to start off the day with a terrific laugh.

 

Bronxie is a delicous little troublemaker. It's no wonder I'm fond of her. She makes "studying" so much fun.

 

Is this a great country or what?

 

It makes one wish to shoot off fireworks. ;)

 

A very saucy morn to you, Red Rider -- Hoyden? Did you just go smart on me, Trashy? Now what book is droppin' that language? Don't tell me this is Jane Austen.

 

Mostly I just needed an opportunity to use that word and it doesn't come up very often, so I had to grab it.

 

I thought you were playing curse-word games. It's too bad your alphabet soup doesn't apply to me, because I had a few bowls' worth of letters for you last night. :P:P Uh-oh spaghetti-o's!

 

Ohh, now I get it. Hoydens only ride saucy red bikes.

 

Exactly! It's part of the way we get our 'scarlet woman' reputation! Wokka wokka wokka.

 

Are you Ms. Pacman, or is it that you are Mrs. Fozzy Bear?

 

Speaking of letters, rumor has it that the reason your dress has been delayed is because it took so long to stitch on all of those scarlet letters of yours. It's a good thing it's a word jumble. :P Although, I've heard Vegas is good at scarlet word jumbles. :)

 

I better not give her the fifty bucks. That wouldn't look good at all.

 

Now the picture is becoming clear!!!! And you do such a good job pretending to be the injured party!!! A 'gentleman', indeed!!!!

 

Ow-ow-ow-ow! I think I just twisted my ankle. Could you be a dear vamp and rub it for me? I'm hurting. It looks like I won't be able to make it to the ball after all. Ohh, darn. I was so looking forward.

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Let me ease your troubled mind about yourself and my amateur astrology ethics. I have not exposed you on these boards for people to laugh at in an unbridled way. (but they do anyway)

 

Like most normal men, you think a lot about sex, but don't act out your fantasies. You are NOT a sex fiend or pervert, just a regular guy who enjoys being humiliated and ground into the dirt..

 

You are the most amiable and sweet-hearted of men. If any girl met you, they would be as charmed as Greer Garson meeting Mr. Chips on that mountain top for the first time. Of course, oxygen deprivation can do strange things to the female mind.

 

You are forthright, upstanding, sympathetic, loyal, patient, and always walk little old ladies across the street. Even if they don't want to go.

 

Children and fish love you. Everybody else, you're an acquired taste.

But once people know the real you, then they run away.

 

Women would want to be on a desert island with you. Because they'd be ashamed to be seen with you in the city among people.

 

But seriously, you have a heart of gold and would go to the ends of the earth for someone in trouble. You would give a friend (or stranger) the shirt off your back, even if it was smelly and needed washing.

 

You are intuitive and know the inner workings of the human soul. It doesn't frighten you. And there's a lot to be frightened about there, because we'e such a pathetic species. And some might say you're a prime example. But don't let such talk bother you. They're only jealous of your natural intelligence and Mother Theresa heart.

 

Have no fears about winding up in the big or the poor house -- I see you in a cozy home in your neighborhood, surrounded by greenery and

rabbit poop on the lawn. Friends, lovers (what there are of them) and family all come a-calling, and your life is rich -- at least in companionship.

 

You will have a serene last act. You will probably kick the bucket at around 98 or so, reading Senile Playboy under the covers with a flashlight. The centerfold will be a naked Grandma Moses, and that will very probably send you over to the other side with a smile on your face.

 

If sending me fifty bucks is a problem for you (since you're such a tightwad) I will settle for a month's worth of men-wearing-kilts photos

 

Sincerely,

 

Lady Barbara

 

Message was edited by: Bronxgirl48

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Wow, this thread is really funny today!

 

Yes, it was, until... :P:P

 

You would also feel comfortable working with the dead.

 

That explains it, Vlad.

 

Why must you wear so much garlic? Is that the latest?

 

I must fly to darkness.

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You need to be more outgoing. I suggest you stand in the middle of a busy street with a clown suit on and hold a sign that reads "Do you think I'm funny?" Your date book will swell up after that. Everyone loves a sense of humor, intentional or not.

 

lol! He won't need the suit. :P

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Ciao, Little Mermaid -- That was brilliant! I laughed throughout.

 

I'll reply to your crystalization later on tonight. But first, I need to pick up some (translation: a bag full of) batteries. :P

 

Ciao, Miss G -- lol! I won't need the suit.

 

Ohh, you prefer naked. I could have guessed.

 

Darn! I see you changed your words.

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*I will settle for a month's worth of men-wearing-kilts photos*

 

If he doesn't come through, I will be going to a couple if Highland Games here in Seattle(ish) this month, and I never mind looking at men in kilts. Of course, most of the ones I know are gay, but that's besides the point.

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> {quote:title=Bronxgirl48 wrote:}{quote}

> That's true. His birth time suggests he was born with a big red nose, chalky complexion, and oversized feet.

 

If that's the case, are you sure "Chuckles" is going to come to a peaceful end? I

see an elephant somewhere in his future...but his funeral will be in keeping with his

life...everyone will be laughing.

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