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Eddie Muller's Humor


davisdoll
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Everyone know Eddie is the Czar of Noir but it is his dark humor that sold me on his title.

He just ended his intro. to Road Block with "watch beefy Charles McGraw get tenderized by Joan Dixon."

Can we just give a few slow claps for that line? ???

 

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Count me in on the pro-Eddie Muller camp. I really enjoy his "wraparounds" for Noir Alley. I agree, I think he's funny, in a light touch, droll sort of way. Sometimes it's not even what he says, it's the expression on his face that makes me laugh. I have difficulty understanding why some people dislike him, especially when they claim that he's a fake who doesn't know much about movies let alone film noir. Upon what is this negative assessment of him based? I always get the impression he loves these movies, has studied them for years, and absolutely knows what he's talking about.

Yay, Eddie ! And many thanks to him and TCM for bringing us Noir Alley !

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9 hours ago, misswonderly3 said:

Count me in on the pro-Eddie Muller camp. I really enjoy his "wraparounds" for Noir Alley. I agree, I think he's funny, in a light touch, droll sort of way. Sometimes it's not even what he says, it's the expression on his face that makes me laugh. I have difficulty understanding why some people dislike him, especially when they claim that he's a fake who doesn't know much about movies let alone film noir. Upon what is this negative assessment of him based? I always get the impression he loves these movies, has studied them for years, and absolutely knows what he's talking about.

Yay, Eddie ! And many thanks to him and TCM for bringing us Noir Alley !

Ditto!

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14 hours ago, misswonderly3 said:

Count me in on the pro-Eddie Muller camp. I really enjoy his "wraparounds" for Noir Alley. I agree, I think he's funny, in a light touch, droll sort of way. Sometimes it's not even what he says, it's the expression on his face that makes me laugh. I have difficulty understanding why some people dislike him, especially when they claim that he's a fake who doesn't know much about movies let alone film noir. Upon what is this negative assessment of him based? I always get the impression he loves these movies, has studied them for years, and absolutely knows what he's talking about.

Yay, Eddie ! And many thanks to him and TCM for bringing us Noir Alley !

Apparently some time back, there was some kind of rift in the Film Noir Foundation and Muller or among it's Dark City Film Series programers and Muller, that caused a breakaway. Muller and his adherants on one side, the others on another. There must have been a message board for the Foundation, and the breakaway group started another, or the breakaways took over the message board and splintered it off. It's just speculation on my part.  Which group was which I'm not positive about.

But I suspect that the above is the genesis of the dislike

The Blackboard might have been the original group and Back Alley Forums which was started by a site called Noir Of The Week was the other. The Back Alley Forums went kaput. Noir Of The Week went dormant, it's last post was in June 2017. The Blackboard has a handful of posters, but no way to add new ones since whoever administrated it either died or wants to keep it a closed shop because, though you can sign up for it, no new members ever get approved. It's main honcho is Don Malcom and he seems to criticize Eddie Muller for his programing choices for Noir City an other things (see below).

Noir Of The Week

The Blackboard

The Blackboard a copied post below:

The spin for NC Boston: nice try, but further follow-through required...

Posted by Don Malcolm on 6/3/2018, 3:31 pm

His “film noir leads to the hard stuff” nonsense notwithstanding (to refute that, one needs only to seriously look beyond American-centric "cinephilia" and the simplistic, laughable idea claimed by some that Godard, a fan of American movies, was the primary reason “arthouse” cinema came into being), Eddie takes his best shot--as quoted in the above linked article about next weekend's NC Boston--at trying to spin the facts about his protracted reluctance to show films like FORCE OF EVIL and TRY AND GET ME. 

It’s revealing that he wants to rewrite the past eighteen months to make it seem that it’s the audience that didn’t want him to show these films. This is oddly Trumpian in its addled bravado, since Eddie’s written words in the NC SF #16 festival program show us exactly where he was at this past January—which was more than “twenty steps from greatness” vis-à-vis progressive proselytizing. 

Paraphrasing those words, Eddie essentially said this about “social outcry” noir in January: “I know I should show these films, particularly at this point in time, but look! I’ve already done it and nobody cares. Therefore I’m avoiding the matter by paying lip service to it while preaching to the choir that wants to be entertained. And I have a spiffy motto for them: barroom not classroom.” 

Of course, only a portion of the above rings true--Eddie a slave to his audience? (Now, the "barroom not classroom" schtick--that was dead on.) But it was a convenient smokescreen for not screening "social outcry" noir--or at least it was four months ago. 

Now that’s (apparently) changed. And, yes, that’s A Good Thing. But this seeming need to recast his initial reluctance and sweep it under the rug is definitely Not A Good Thing. One gets the sinking feeling that this is all posturing for effect. 

So while we should all be pleased that Eddie is getting back to screening John Garfield and Abe Polonsky and not just tossing THE PROWLER out there over and over again as a sop to those of us who revere noir’s social consciousness, it’s clear that regardless of what happens in the mid-term elections, 2019 should and must be a year to reflect at length upon these films. The best starting point for doing so would be to feature the films of Garfield that Eddie has been so curiously reluctant to screen over the past decade. 

(It would also be A Good Thing if he were to create a Noir City Milwaukee, to help with those pesky, petulant millennials in Wisconsin. More dramatic still: a Noir City Pennsyltucky, held at the Rowland Theatre in Philipsburg, PA, with a Saturday “double double” bill—apologies to In’n’Out Burger—that lays it on the line: 

 

NOIR CITY PENNSYLTUCKY 
Saturday October 20 
IT’S YOUR CHOICE... 
Matinee—CROSSFIRE and THE WHIP HAND 
Evening—FORCE OF EVIL and I MARRIED A COMMUNIST 

Hell, I’d even travel to Philipsburg to see that…) 

 

Here’s the bottom line: in order to remove any lingering doubt about his commitment to the “social outcry” aspect of noir, Eddie needs to show a lot more Garfield to his fans in 2019, beginning in SF. He should come out swinging with THE TURNING POINT and SHIELD FOR MURDER on Opening Night—two great but tonally different takes on personal corruption (imagine Garfield in the Holden role in the former and in the O'Brien role in the latter)--and then, on Saturday afternoon, launch a true Garfield tribute sprinkled across NC SF #17 with several of his “B’s” that never get shown (THEY MADE ME A CRIMINAL, DUST BE MY DESTINY). Then he should finally dust off THE FALLEN SPARROW for his SF audience, along with NOBODY LIVES FOREVER (not seen since NC #4), BODY AND SOUL (never in SF), FORCE OF EVIL (not since NC #3), THE BREAKING POINT (not since NC #10), HE RAN ALL THE WAY (not since NC #8) and—what the hell—WE WERE STRANGERS (if only to show a big Castro audience how well Jennifer Jones wields a machine gun). 

Actually, a closing night double bill of WE WERE STRANGERS and THE POSTMAN ALWAYS RINGS TWICE would be brilliantly bizarre. It would also allow Eddie to explicitly acknowledge and link together the two disparate sides of noir that need to actively co-exist in his festivals. 

Following through in this fashion from the position/posture/pose taken in the Globe article would be incontrovertible confirmation that Eddie really believes in educating people about the Blacklist and about the various flavors of social problem films in general and “social outcry” noir in particular.

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I too, like Eddie and his humorous references before and after the Noir Alley movies. Also, I always learn something I didn't know about these wonderful films. I'm a real movie buff and I think he is amazingly well informed on this era in Hollywood's history.

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Eddie never made a point when he was speaking aBout THE FILM TENSION (1949) that the Detective Barnabel, who is played by the underrated Barry Sullivan, is ethically challenged to say the least. In Tension blogs, he is well noted as the slimiest character in the film. He goes out of his way, to trap  Warren Quimby for Barney's murder, while the true murderer Claire Quimby is slipping through the cracks. He even makes a false deposition by Claire (made up by Barnabel) to frame Warren in the jail scene. To Barnabel, it would be easy to frame Quimby due to the fact that he is an easy mark. Claire is tough and he has a hard time confronting her. He is slightly infatuated with her.

This is another example of police not being in the best light in a Noir Film.

Here is a TENSION BLOG BY JACQULINE LYNCH . IT IS AN ENJOYABLE BLOG FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Tension - 1949

 
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“Tension” (1949) stretches the limit of tolerance in the rocky marriage of a mousy pharmacist, and becomes the plaything of a savvy detective solving a murder.

Actually, it’s the rubber band that’s the plaything of Barry Sullivan as the detective. He uses one as a visual aid in the first few moments of the film, breaking the fourth wall, speaking to us directly. He tells us that by manipulating tension, he breaks down criminals.

“Everybody’s got a breaking point.” At several points in the film, he takes out another trusty rubber band and stretches it in his fingers to remind us.
 
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Plausibility is stretched, too, at times, but it’s a fun movie as a post-War period piece, and for the careful, deliberate way we see a one man walk to the precipice of doom, and then make a choice. This is Richard Basehart, a really fine actor especially adept at fragile, sensitive men struggling with inner turmoil. The first half of the movie belongs to him. We don’t even see Barry Sullivan again until the second half. The first half sets up the crime, or what we think is going to be the crime, and the second half follows Mr. Sullivan’s actions to solve it.

Mr. Basehart is Warren Quimby, a mousy name for a mousy guy. He works the night shift at the all-night drugstore in a post-war southern California where suburban sprawl is pulling highways after it like a loose thread unraveling. Where Malibu beach houses are inevitably the scenes of trysts, and murder.
 
 
 
 
 
 
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Basehart is married to Audrey Totter, whose bread and butter in those days was B-noir bad dames. She sulks, she pouts, and holds out for what she wants, which is always more. She goes to the movies at night while her husband works, and gets picked up by guys with flashy cars, and by one guy in particular. He is Lloyd Gough, a liquor salesman in a pinstripe suit and a perpetual cigar clamped in a plastic tip between his teeth. She calls him a big man, and he thinks he is.

Mr. Basehart worries about his wife being alone -- or rather, not being alone -- while he is working. Calls the movie theater to see when the show ended, checking up on her. Fears that when he goes upstairs to their little apartment she won’t be there some night. We might think him a fool and deride his obsession with a woman so unworthy of him. But, that is because we are the audience and we are omniscient. When she enters a room, we hear the blaring, bluesy saxophone music that is her signature. In old movies, a sax equals sex, and a saxophone follows her everywhere.
 
 
 
 
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She flirts with her husband’s employee, played by Tom D’Andrea, a stalwart palooka who mans the lunch counter at the drug store. Though he always respectfully refers to Basehart as Mr. Quimby, we might conclude he is his only friend. Mr. D’Andrea has no use for the boss’s wife. He sees her for what she is, a woman who does not finish her hamburger, and pushes it aside for pie with whipped cream on it instead.

Nice girls finish their supper before they have dessert.
 
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But Basehart dotes on her. His puppy dog devotion is tested constantly, and only once does he seem to bristle under her rudeness. This comes when he surprises her with a ride to a housing development where he has put a down payment on a tract home. The treeless, orderly suburban subdivision is dotted with identical modern ranch homes. His handsome, boyish face beams as if he is offering her Shangri La. She won’t even get out of the car. When he counts off the selling points, including a dishwasher, she leans on the car horn over his talking, like a petulant teenager who refuses to listen to what she does not want to hear. 
 
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For a moment he turns and glares back at her, and we wonder if he finally sees how contemptible she is.

But, obsessions make us helpless.  He shuts up and gets dutifully back in the car. He has lost our respect. He never had hers.
 
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One night all that’s left on their bed in the apartment above the drugstore is her doll with the frozen expression on her porcelain face, much like Audrey Totter’s perpetual scowl is chiseled on her pretty pale, porcelain countenance. 

When she returns, it is only to pack. She and her dolly go to live in the liquor salesman’s beach house.

But Richard Basehart can’t let go. He goes to the beach, stomping in his loafers on the sand to ask her to return. He is such an annoying pest -- even we have to admit it -- that Liquor Salesman Lloyd punches him from here to next Tuesday. When Basehart retreats, his glasses broken, the “big man” calls him a four-eyed punk.
 
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By the way, if you don’t want spoilers, you should have gotten off at that last exit.

Mr. Basehart goes to the eye doctor and gets a new pair of spectacles. They cost $5. 

Five dollars. In a word, cripes.

Then Basehart begins to work on a germ of an idea of killing Liquor Salesman Lloyd for humiliating him in front of his wife. 

It’s a plan worked out carefully, with us in on his thought processes. He decides to create a fake identity, and have that fake person do the killing, and then fade away into nothing. He goes back to the eye doc for a set of contact lenses, because he has seen a poster there that announces contact lenses will make him a new man.
 
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He chooses a fake name, a fake profession as traveling salesman, and rents a furnished apartment in another part of town. He will live there only on weekends to lay down an alibi. It’s a logical process, and it’s interesting that his crime of passion can be so purposeful and practical. It says a lot about his character, a little man who plods along, works hard, and plans his future with precision. His passion now isn’t really for her; that’s dimming fast. His passion is for taking his methodical personality and using it for one big showy deed.

But his plan begins to unravel, like the miles of California highway, but the unforeseen complications turn out to be a good thing. He doesn’t see it at first, but eventually he will.
 
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Foremost among the unforeseen complications is his new neighbor, played by Cyd Charisse in a non-dancing role. She is quite literally the girl next door, wholesome, winsome, elegant in her very fresh-faced appearance, and falling fast for the quiet little guy in contact lenses. He wishes for, more than succumbs to, the idea of a life with her. He holds himself a little aloof because he has a nasty job to do, and he thinks maybe he still loves his wife. He is afraid of getting too close to the lovely Cyd, and does not want to involve her in what he is beginning to see is a real mess.

But Basehart is a man who finishes what he starts, so he finally picks the day to go kill Liquor Salesman Lloyd. 
 
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A very dramatic scene, and nicely played out, is when he slips into the darkened beach house at night and finds Lloyd Gough asleep in a chair. He is alone. Perfect. About to impale him with an implement from the outdoor barbecue (which Lloyd had threatened him with earlier -- Basehart is keen on the fine details of revenge) -- Basehart suddenly notices Audrey Totter’s dolly on the table. 

Audrey isn’t here.

Audrey isn’t here.

The scales fall from his eyes, and Richard Basehart sees she has taken a night off from Liquor Salesman Lloyd to pursue, or be pursued by, another “big man”.
 
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Lloyd wakes, stunned to see Basehart about to jab him with a very large pointy thing. Basehart gets his revenge, but in a way he never expected. Like the old saying, the best revenge is living well.

“I must have been crazy. She’s not worth it. If it hadn’t have been you, it’d be some other guy.”

He gloats over Lloyd, who we see is clearly humiliated that she’s bored with him already.

“She’s all yours,” Basehart says with a sneer, and we can sense the weight off his shoulders and the rejoicing in his soul now that he is emotionally and psychologically free of that rude woman who doesn’t finish her hamburgers. Now he is free to love Cyd and start his life over.
 
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Until the moment he’s shaving the next day, and Audrey Totter shows up in his bathroom mirror. We can hear the sax.

She is loving, contrite, and wants him to take her back. 

Liquor Salesman Lloyd has been found murdered. Mr. Basehart’s nightmare is only beginning.
 
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Barry Sullivan, and his rubber band collection, finally returns -- we had forgotten about him -- and he brings his partner, William Conrad, to solve the crime. Always fun to see William Conrad.
 
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The rest of the movie is his show. We saw the crime plotted in the first half of the movie, and Sullivan dismantles the scenario in the second half. It’s a very interesting telling of a story, if a little hard to swallow here and there, including Sullivan’s phoney romancing of Audrey Totter to trick her and keep her off balance.

Some things I like:

First of all, the drugstore. I know the exteriors were shot in and around Culver City and Malibu, but I don’t know where. Film locations are Robby Cress’ specialty. If you haven’t seen his blog, check out Dear Old Hollywood here.

I don’t know about the interior of this drugstore set. My gut feeling is it’s a real store, because it is so wonderfully packed to the gills with everything a drugstore sold at that time, with the lunch counter and the somewhat worn-looking diamond pattern of floor tile. It almost seems too detailed for a set on a soundstage. But I don’t know.
 
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I like how when Basehart is searching for a fake name for his new identity, he picks the surname Sothern, because he sees Ann Sothern on the cover of “Screen Digest” magazine.

A young boy of Asian ancestry, and a pretty young African-American woman are among the patrons having their prescriptions filled by Basehart. They are minor roles, but these two individuals should be noted for their not being stereotypes. Also, William Conrad’s name is Edgar Gonzales; we see a police detective with a Spanish surname, also not stereotyped. These three characters are presented naturally, as being all-American, and that is perhaps what is most effective.
 
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Note when his friendly and ever-talkative counter man sidles up to Basehart with the newspaper, commenting on the news, “They’re still at it, trying to figure out who owns Germany, who owns the atom bombs…” See our series on “Uneasy Victors” about America’s involvement in post-War Germany as seen through the movies -- “A Foreign Affair”, “The Big Lift”, and “Judgment at Nuremberg”.
 
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Most especially, I love the scene where Barry Sullivan takes Cyd Charisse to Basehart’s drugstore. She still thinks he is her Paul Sothern - neighbor, and prospective husband. She does not yet know he is Warren Quimby, murder suspect. When her sweetie seemed to disappear into thin air, she notified Missing Persons and gave them a photo. Through that action, the police were able to identify Warren Quimby as Paul Sothern, the man they were looking for in the murder of Liquor Salesman Lloyd.
 
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Basehart’s not arrested yet, but he knows he’s being watched. It’s a wonderfully tense scene when Barry Sullivan, who just loves messing with people and causing TENSION, “introduces” Cyd to Basehart under the pretense of stopping in for coffee at the lunch counter. Both are shocked to see each other, Cyd is even more shocked to see him wearing his $5 glasses as Warren Quimby, Pharmacist and Murder Suspect.
 
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But neither acknowledges they know each other. They pretend to be strangers while Sullivan plays them like a fiddle, also pretending not to know they are connected. Miss Charisse and Mr. Basehart want to protect each other, and struggle with their emotions. Sullivan needles them both a bit, especially Cyd, when he rapturously talks about Basehart’s gorgeous wife. 

We wait for Cyd Charisse to lose it, hurt or outraged to learn that her boyfriend is already married -- which is even more insulting than being a murderer, too.

But, she’s too much a lady. She swallows her distress, and play acts disinterest.

At one point Cyd, deeply offended by Sullivan’s manipulation, tells him off without ever admitting she knows Basehart. Then in a rising voice as she’s about to stomp out of the place, she turns to Basehart, 

“And you do make wonderful coffee!” What she means is I’ll never betray you no matter what, but that’s what comes out of her mouth. Exquisite.

Another fun scene is when Barry Sullivan pulls a similar trick on Audrey Totter. He brings her to Basehart’s furnished apartment and tells her Basehart’s been romancing the neighbor lady. Audrey is no Cyd, and she blows her top in an instant, furious at the thought that the husband she had been two-timing was two-timing her.

“Why that four-eyed little pill pusher!” She is deliciously jealous. She tells Sullivan all about how Basehart murdered Liquor Salesman Lloyd.

Now Sullivan has everyone where he wants them, and pulls one final stunt to unmask the murderer, because so far all he has is hearsay and his gut instincts. 

Audrey Totter’s final exit is accompanied by the sultry notes of a sax. 

A saxophone never plays like that when I enter or exit a room. I wish it would sometimes. 

I have only two questions about this movie. One, the reason for the murder is never really explained, or else I missed it. 
 
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And how does Audrey Totter manage to keep such a slim, tiny figure with all those burgers and wedges of pie with whipped cream on them? There’s a shot of her in those high-waisted trousers of the day that is quite stunning.

Maybe it’s because she doesn’t finish her burger.
 
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On 7/15/2018 at 10:14 AM, davisdoll said:

Everyone know Eddie is the Czar of Noir but it is his dark humor that sold me on his title.

He just ended his intro. to Road Block with "watch beefy Charles McGraw get tenderized by Joan Dixon."

Can we just give a few slow claps for that line? ???

 

Do I hear the sound of one hand clapping?

I would have to say Muller is the Victor Borge of comedy, without the needed piano. They look alike, they dress alike and at times they have sideburns which seem alike. 

Muller's usage of reflections on life like "Poor Joe Gillis, won't be drinking any more wine [since he ended up in Norma's pool]" to entertain all during his clever wine commercials is fun to watch, even after the 50th time of viewing. Great humor can always be repeated ad infinitum, so they say.

Muller's no Voltaire in writing or wit, but he would be a good sideman for Carrot Top in a sort of Martin and Lewis way, if Eddie decides to move on to Noir Stand-Up.

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2 hours ago, jameselliot said:

I know Eddie a long time (when he was writing Grindhouse with Daniel Faris) and I'm happy for his success.

So what was the scoop between the Film Noir Foundation, Noir City, The Back Alley Forums and The Blackboard?

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24 minutes ago, CaveGirl said:

Do I hear the sound of one hand clapping?

I would have to say Muller is the Victor Borge of comedy, without the needed piano. They look alike, they dress alike and at times they have sideburns which seem alike. 

Muller's usage of reflections on life like "Poor Joe Gillis, won't be drinking any more wine [since he ended up in Norma's pool]" to entertain all during his clever wine commercials is fun to watch, even after the 50th time of viewing. Great humor can always be repeated ad infinitum, so they say.

Muller's no Voltaire in writing or wit, but he would be a good sideman for Carrot Top in a sort of Martin and Lewis way, if Eddie decides to move on to Noir Stand-Up.

If you think Eddie is funny on his own you should here the commentary track he did with author James Ellroy for Crime Wave, it's a hoot. He did another with Ellroy but I don't remember which title.

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1 hour ago, cigarjoe said:

If you think Eddie is funny on his own you should here the commentary track he did with author James Ellroy for Crime Wave, it's a hoot. He did another with Ellroy but I don't remember which title.

Actually I was being sarcastic, CigarJoe and I'm sorry to have misled you.

I find you and many here a lot more verbally entertaining in a comedic way than Muller, due to my personal standards of what constitutes wit in action. See to me,  Muller's bits are all prerehearsed and not spontaneous, as are the remarks of people on this site. A true wit can be clever in impromptu fashion, like David Niven during the streaker event at the Academy Awards. I'm afraid Muller will never make that cut for me.

As for not finding him that noirishly knowledgeable, I will also say that his seminars on film noirs are not very impressive either, since when he does not have the IMDB to look up things to discuss [as for his talking head film intros] he is quite lackluster.

Sorry to seem harsh but I don't compliment those who I don't think deserve acclaim, just to be part of the crowd.  

As I've said many times here, I do think it is wonderful though that TCM gave him a job, as that keeps Muller from writing any more fiction books on detectives or boxing and Jersey Joe Walcott agrees with me from the grave, I'm so sure.

Looking forward to rebuttal from his admirers here and I support free speech and differing opinions, and all note how many nice paragraphs I used for this diatribe.

Thanks for your kind thoughts though in your original post, CJ and your expose on warring factions in the noir world of the internet.




 

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Nice write up about the film Tension,  but I see this misguided statement is made: Basehart is married to Audrey Totter, whose bread and butter in those days was B-noir bad dames. 

A review of Totter's film legacy shows that she was cast more often as a good \ neutral gal, than a bad dame,  with her role in Tension being the nastiest character of her career.

 

 

  

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Nice write up about the film Tension,  but I see this misguided statement is made: Basehart is married to Audrey Totter, whose bread and butter in those days was B-noir bad dames. 

A review of Totter's film legacy shows that she was cast more often as a good \ neutral gal, than a bad dame,  with her role in Tension being the nastiest character of her career.

Hi James;

I see Audrey's legacy as half and half.  She played both good and bad girls.  Give it to her for her versatility.  Audrey is Great.  MGM let her go due to her playing more edgy roles.  They wanted  the June Allyson type.

One more thing, both my sister and I love Noir so much that we named our little kitten Mrs. Clair Quimby.  She has Claire's personality to boot.

 

Jacuiline Lynch , the blogger is not an expert on Audrey's Career.

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Cave Girl

  1 hour ago, cigarjoe said:

If you think Eddie is funny on his own you should here the commentary track he did with author James Ellroy for Crime Wave, it's a hoot. He did another with Ellroy but I don't remember which title.

Actually I was being sarcastic, CigarJoe and I"m sorry to have misled you.

I find you and many here a lot more verbally entertaining in a comedic way than Muller, due to my personal standards of what constitutes wit in action. See to me,  Muller's bits are all prerehearsed and not spontaneous, as are the remarks of people on this site. A true wit can be clever in impromptu fashion, like David Niven during the streaker event at the Academy Awards. I'm afraid Muller will never make that cut for me.

As for not finding him that noirishly knowledgeable, I will also say that his seminars on film noirs are not very impressive either, since when he does not have the IMDB to look up things to discuss [as for his talking head film intros] he is quite lackluster.

Sorry to seem harsh but I don't compliment those who I don't think deserve acclaim, just to be part of the crowd.  

You go Girl.  I loved your accurate assessment of Eddie's wit and knowledge. I know of several posters would have a stroke when one does not compliment Mr. Eddie or that no talent , wooden Charles McGraw.
 

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8 minutes ago, Vautrin said:

Too bad that Borge is dead. He and Eddie could have starred in a

remake of The Patty Duke Show.

Good call, Vautrin. Only problem is, would Eddie be Cathy or Patty. I guess it depends on whether he's been more frequently to Berkeley Square or Brooklyn and if he'd prefer crepe suzettes to a hot dog?

Though he'd like to think he is partial to the French, being that is where Film Noir originated, I think he's more the hot dog type, so he must be Patty.

Ya know, if Muller had kept his real last name, and was billed as Eddie Vojkovich, he might just intrinsically be a lot funnier than he is as a Muller, but I'll have to mull over that a bit.

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Could go either way. While it's French in origin, the 40s and 50s Hollywood product

was all-American, just like Patty. Put an umlaut over Muller and you have a story

about a Nazi war criminal who looks just like William Schallert.  

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Lordie, be, Vautrin!

"Umlauts" are so very important and could add to the mystique of Muller's name. Look what umlauts did for the careers of Motley Crue and Spinal Tap.

I'm more attracted to Heinrich **** than William Schallert personally in a war criminal crush-sense, but Muller could try to replicate the look of Louis-Jean Heydt next time he attempts wearing a genuine, vintage fedora on his faux set.

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