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Movies are the answer


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MY BROTHER JONATHAN

 

Yes, he was the only one who knew about the family secret...Jonathan was hydrocephalic...we kept him in a room on the second floor where the neighbor kids would come and stare at him. He led a solitary life until that day when some of the kids brought Gelsomina to see him. From the start it was...

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ILLICIT

 

And everyone knew how Loreen loved anything illicit. From her early days in school, she was always trying to get someone to take off their clothes for a few onlooking kids. Then she graduated to full time burlesque, with a business that had then lining up to get in every night of the week. She moved to a better house and in no time she was known as...

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UNTAMED.

 

Her hair was red, but her heart was black. She had known 3 men in her life and all had done something to damage how she felt about herself. Now she carried a gun in her purse, along side a vial of poison. No man, ever was going to take advantage of her again. Than she met Kyle, blond hair and blue eyed, 6 ' tall and appeared to be honest. She wasn't going to be taken again, so asked him the question:

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WHERE WERE YOU WHEN THE LIGHTS WENT OUT?

 

She thought some small talk about the New York blackout a few years earlier would break the ice, and it did. Kyle regaled her with stories of the event, but he told her that he had to get back to his computer so he could upload some movie posters on a site called Posters I Have Known and Loved. She thought it was a ruse to get away from her...jumping to the wrong conclusion as was her wont, and in no time she was plotting to get even with him for...

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THE TANRNISHED ANGELS

 

Loreen had wasted no time getting to the Internet herself and had found out all about Kyle's history with that ill-fated air show and the string of broken hearts he had left behind. She didn't believe the movie poster excuse for one minute. After all, what sort of idiot would even care about old movies, much less collect all those posters? No, it was much more likely that Kyle was working some sort of angle, Loreen figured. Next he'll probably tell me that....

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I WALKED WITH A ZOMBIE

 

While Kyle was pale and etherial...he certainly wasn't a zombie...or was he? It would explain all the evasiveness and the stuff about movie posters. She decided to find out once and for all, and the route to this end woujld take her all the way to...

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THE ISLAND OF LOST SOULS

 

Unfortunatley, Dr. Moreau was so busy with his experiments, he had little time to answer Loreen's questions about the ethereal Kyle. Zombies were a little out of his line, he explained, and he had absolutely no patience with vampires, if that was going to be her next question. Loreen instantly regretted ever leaving the mainland and wished that Kathy were here to help her sort through this mystery. While her mind was on these matters, she failed to notice the half-man, half-beast directly in her path. She was terrified as it reared up and let out a cry like that of...

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THE MAN WHO HAUNTED HIMSELF

 

That had to be it...it was Kyle...she could still see traces of his blond boyishness behind the horrifying man-beast chasing her down to the water's edge. Well, I guess he got what was coming to him, she mused as she jumped into a rowboat and began distancing herself from that terrible island As she made it out to sea, she saw a burlap sack at the front of the boat. She nudged it with her foot, and it began to move. As the sack opened, she shreiked when she saw...

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MY FRIEND FLICKA

 

Who knew you could fit a horse into a rowboat, Loreen mused as she regained her composure and realized how lucky she was to have saved Flicka from the mad doctor's experiments. Now the problem became how to navigate in the dense fog which was quickly settling in around the flimsy craft. Flicka was becoming agitated, which wasn't helping. With a little luck, they would be well outside the main shipping lanes, but...too late..from out of the fog came the blast of a loud horn. Oh no, she thought, with my luck it'll be...

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OLD YELLER

 

Loreen hauled him into the boat. She was crying and saying "I thought you were dead". The dog replied, "I am not who you think I am, I am one of Dr. Moreau's experienments. "I was a blond, browned eyed young man, but he changed me into this, than threw me out into the sea, when I wasn't the results he wanted". He said "I know a way to get even with this monster". Loreen said "How"? He said "we:

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VOYAGE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA

 

Why would we do that, Loreen enquired? Old Yeller grabbed her hand and pulled her overboard, telling her that because of the mutations inflicted on him by the Doctor, he could breathe for the both of them. Out of the corner of her eye, Loreen saw a huge whale swallowing what seemed to be a wooden puppet on a raft, but Yeller was in no mood to linger. He telepathically signaled her that he was taking her to seek help in getting vengence against the mad doctor at the volcanic lair of.....

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*Dr. Dolittle*

 

A kindly, world-renowned veterinarian who spoke many animal languages and was particularly fluent in Dog. He was more than happy to help out Old Yeller but sent Lorene packing. When last seen by man or beast, she was riding a tortoise back into the sea. Yeller and the doctor, now fast friends, sat down together and discussed?

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WORDS AND MUSIC

 

It seemed like a safe topic to them, after a recent verbal assault. Dr. Doolittle was pleased to note that his new canine companion longed for a career as a composer and lyricist and was hard at work on BENJI: THE MUSICAL. When the subject of casting came up, the good doctor was quick to suggest one of his favored clients,....

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MAME

 

She was also one the good doc's experiments gone wrong...once a lovely canary, he turned her into a grotesque haridan with the voice that could etch glass. Together they could put together a hit movie...it was a hit movie once and even a bigger hit on stage. Now peopled with Dr. Moreau's failed experiments, it couldn't miss.The film came to fruition after many retakes, rewrites and substitute casting and at the premier, The few people who remained until the final shot all complained of nausea and dizziness. The public it seemed, wasn't ready for such a broad burlesque. The film was renamed MAIM and quickly forgotten. Another failed attempt at imortality on the part of Loreen. Would she never learn...

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*The Dead Don?t Dream*

 

Amazingly, she finally did learn it and off she went to the afterworld, once an for all.

 

All of this was of no concern to young Gidget who was down at the beach mooning over Moondoggie and waxing her board. It was a perfect day: the sun was shining, a breeze was blowing, the surf was up and?

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The Whales Of August

 

were due to appear at any moment. Gidget was wondering how to act and talk more adult and pondering how to do this, she thought. "What if I would take lessons from Ginger, she has always appeared more adult than her years". She approached Ginger on the beach, but she was rebuffed with the remark:

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YOU'LL NEVER GET RICH

 

Ginger knew what she wanted out of life...all she could get, and that meant money, and lots of it. She also knew that Gidget would never have more than a few bucks to spare at any given moment. Gidget saw, in a flash the rest of her life...like someone drowning...marrying Moondog, having a gaggle of kids and growing old in poverty. In her sadness, she approached Moondog and asked him it he would like to take the boat out for a ride. She was going to explain that their life together would be penniless, but happy. They took off and no one saw...

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*The Endless Summer*

 

except Gidget and the Moondoggie who decided against conformity and a large family in favor of following the sun and surf around the world. From California to Hawaii to Australia they roamed, ever in search of?

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Neptune's Daughter

 

They never did find her, but they did land on a remote Pacific island that had once been occupied by the U.S. Navy during World War II. The natives had learned about America only through some old movies that the Navy had left behind. They were particularly fond of musicals and westerns that featured singing cowboys. They greeted Gidget and Moondoggie with "Howdy Strangers", and they asked them the musical question "

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*Why Do Fools Fall in Love?*

 

Gidget and Moondoggie pretended to know the answer to that timeless question only so that the natives would answer theirs, ?Is there decent surf on this island?? When told the answer was ?no,? they quickly sailed on to their next destination, a magical place called?

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THE MOSQUITO COAST

 

This is worse that Skull Island, thought Moondoggie. There we had to deal with all those pterodactyls dive-bombing us while we surfed, but these mosquitos are ten times worse. Ever the optimist, Gidge has devised special mosquito netting wetsuits for them, but Moondoggie's enthusiasm for this spot was waning. He still dreamed of the perfect surfing spot where the waves come in like...

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WHEN LADIES MEET

 

That was it...he was growing tired of Gidget...the only lady on the island. It wasn't that there were no good waves, he was bored with the whole effort. He put into operation, a plan that would rid himself of Gidget for good, and get the hell away from that dreadful island. He would reinvent himself as a dandy, find a place where ladies met on a regular basis, and...

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LEAVE HER TO HEAVEN

 

Moondoggie felt like he was in his element out there in the middle of the lake, gazing up at the bewitching woman he had just met, staring back at him from the rowboat. All at once, he felt fatigue setting in, and then the cramps began. As he went under for the third time, he caught a quick glimpse of that other rowboat across the lake. George Eastman was rowing Alice out on the same lake, struggling to hide his true purpose. On the opposite shore, Norman Page and Allison McKenzie witnessed the twin tragedies as they took a swim to cool off in the summer heat. This will certainly give the town something new to talk about, thought Allison, instead of....

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