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I'm going to answer Dougie...CK can pick up when he returns...

 

CRIMES AND MISDEMEANORS

 

The small New England town was known for its crimes and misdemeanors. And Allison was getting tired of it. She was tired of hiding Rodney"s secret, tired of covering up for her mother's tawdry past. As she noticed Moondoggie noticing her and Rodney, she decided she would save him from drowning, and talk him into leaving with her for a better place. Rodney would have to remain and face the music alone. She and Moondoggie would shag that town in favor of...

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*Paris When it Sizzles*

 

Unfortunately for Gidget, they encountered a very fetching young lady by the name of Christina James not long after they arrived. Moondoggie was smitten with Christina and soon forgot all about surfing and any promises he?d made to Gidget about eternal love. Gidget was left to stare into the Seine and contemplate?

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MURDER ON THE ORIENT EXPRESS

 

Moon and Christina were planning a trip to Istambul to begin a new life in the glorious Middle East. With the crowds of travellers on the Express, Gidget could move freely without being noticed by the besotted couple. She had enough time to put her plan into motion without...

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STOPOVER TOKYO

 

Gidget raced directly to Istanbul. She knew her best chance for revenge would be a quick action in a crowded place. When Moon and Christina arrived in Istanbul, Gidge had her plan in place. As the happy couple explored the bazaar like other carefree tourists, she slipped on a very becoming burnoose and followed them at close range. As she was about to make her move, she felt a sharp pain in her back and began stumbling toward her former love and her rival for his affections. She fell to the ground in front of them, barely managing to whisper....

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DERSU UZALA

 

Wouldn't you know...her last words were so garbled they couldn't understand what she was saying. They gave her a proper Christian burial, though it was like pulling teeth to get the proper documentation. By the time the ordeal was over, it was clear to them that their obsession was on the wane, too. They met over drinks at a swank palm-treed hotel lounge, and decided to make like atoms and split. He said he's never forget her, as he followed a lovely draped figure to the elevator. In the elevator he was surprised to see...

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THE LADY FROM SHANGHAI

 

All the mirrored panels in the elevator were confusing Moondoggie. Was he looking at a real person, or just one of the myriad reflections? Suddenly, there was the sound of a gunshot, and shards of glass were everywhere. Before he knew it, he and the mysterious woman were on the ground, trying to crawl to safety. She was yelling at the gunman: "You made me cut my hair for THIS?", but Moondoggie could only think of saving himself. He crawled to the control panel, pushed the first button he could reach, and the elevator door opened onto....

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THE NAKED RUNNER

 

They were both embarassed to see him, so they diverted their attention back into the blood splattered elevator. The Lady was on her last leg as she made Moon promise to bury her with a long wig. He did and shot a glance out of the elvator...the runner had run, so he took advantage of the moment of calm and ran for the far garage door. As he ran he bagan to hear the sound a car's engine starting and the shreek of it coming at him full force. What could he do but...

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KIDNAPPED

 

Yes, he had kidnapped the kid a few days ago, but when they went to the place where he was deposited, they found him gone. They paniced, figuring the kid would be found and spill the beans...and their number would be up. But after a while, they began to think, maybe they got away with it...no word about the kid atall. They began to feel a bit comforted when all of a sudden...

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*Along Came a Spider*

 

?which was possibly better than a fleet of squad cars, but it was a large spider, it looked menacing and it began to weave its web around the two of them. The situation looked grim until **** remembered?

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THE SIGN OF THE CROSS

 

**** prayed and prayed, but the spider wasn't deterred. When they were completely engulfed by the web, the spider began his attack. Just then Mrs. Smith reached for her scissors and broke the web away, freeing the two prisoners. They jumped into the knitting basket just avoiding the spider's second attempt. They thought they were safe, when all of a sudden...

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THE BRIDE CAME C.O.D.

 

It was all **** could do to sign the invoice with the giant pen, but at least the giant spider had taken off in pursuit of the delivery person. Let's see Brown get out of this one, thought ****. He then turned his attention to the newly-arrived bride, standing there with bugged-out eyes and a barely concealed fury, muttering about Jack Warner and all the crap he's been making her do. Obviously, he was going to have his hands full with this one, so he decided to....

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HUSH, HUSH SWEET CHARLOTTE

 

Before she could spill the beans on him, he would shut her up for good. No one ever needed to know about that June bride or what really happened to Jane Hudson. That was all over and done with. He'd shut her up by releasing information about her dealings with Mr. Wyler while they worked on Gone With Jezebel, all about her bodybuilder hubby down in Laguna Beach. Of course, they were at an impasse...each one possessing the same amount of info., so in true Hollywood fashion , the called Luella and went to lunch at Romanoff's. They drank lunch and left in a high state of inibreation. They hailed a cab and...

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THEY ALL KISSED THE BRIDE

 

"She's up to her old tricks", thought ****, as his bride planted one on the cab driver. Those rumors about her affairs on the set of Gone With Jezebel must all be true. Louella had warned him, he'd give her that. Still feeling the effects of their liquid lunch, he turned to her and began shouting all sorts of accusations about her and the esteemed director. "Wyler! Wyler! Wyler! What are you two...Lovers?", she shouted back. Her famous fury began to show itself, as she told the driver to pull over, opened the cab door, and told **** to...

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WALK LIKE A DRAGON

 

And so he did, not wanting to be left in the middle of South Central LA (the cabbie was a gypsy and took advantage of their drunkenness by driving them all 'round LA)...Walking like a dragon may sound easy, but after a few minutes, he was exhausted and his lower back was beginning to warn him of extreme coming events. He ceased his gyrating just as...

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THE RAINS CAME

 

Never had Los Angeles seen such flooding. Rivers of water ran through the streets, right up to Louella's very door. Her house guests were beginning to grow alarmed, particularly Lord and Lady Esketh. They had seen this sort of thing in India and knew that famine and plague would inevitably follow. Louella kept a cool head, however, knowing that she could count on ****'s services, after all her favors to him in the past. True to form, **** arrived at Louella's door, ready to...

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SUNDOWN

 

Nobody knew that **** was suffering from Alzheimer's, and that after four in the afternoon, he regressed until the morning. Luella was angered at this turn of events, as she had always had her way ever since she witnessed you know what on Hearst's yacht and he gave her the house on Franklin and a life-time job, even though she was a well known illiterate. What to do??? She bit the bullet and asked someone to call Hearst. Patty answered, but couldn't talk just then, she was off on a junket with someone named Cinque. With no one left she could depend on, she quickly removed herself to the second floor, and...

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SHE DONE HIM WRONG

 

Louella's own yachting days were well behind her (and still causing her many sleepless nights), but she launched the troublesome **** out into the current and barely watched as he was swept out of sight. Now entirely intent on self-preservation, she grabbed the telephone directory next to her typewriter and squinted at the tiny text, trying to make sense of it. She was never entirely sure of what she was reading, much less writing (The typewriter had cobwebs. That's what underlings were for.), but among the listings she noticed that of something called the Symbionese Liberation Army. Wasn't that the social club Patty had spoken about? No matter; there was no time for idle conjecture. Louella searched her memory for the number of the person she now realized was the only one who could help her,....

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THE FUZZY PINK NIGHTGOWN

 

Those Mafiosi gave each other the strangest nicknames...Fuzzy was a sure bet to save Luella from total destruction...she had enough on him to send him up for the rest of his life. Wasn't she also a guest at the party where Bette's sister was last seen? And didn't she see Fuz push her off the balcony, onto a passing train? He had to come to her rescue. She rang him up and when he answered, she demanded...

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Where Were You When The Lights Went Out.

 

Fuz replied "Why, Darling Luella, I was with you". I found you in the Lone Horse Bar and you were drunk and hysterical, so took you back to your apartment. There you were cursing and threatening Craig, who had dumped you about 6 months ago. I asked what if I could help you and you said you can:

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GO INTO YOUR DANCE

 

It's true, Fuz was a taxi-dancer in his early days, but he hadn't danced in years...just another of Luella's drunken ravings, he thought, as he dropped her at her place. The water had subsided by then and she could once again use the first floor...damp though it was. She collapsed from exhaustion onto her water logged satin chaise and in no time was deep in sleep. Little did she know that water was slowly gathering around her, submerging her head...drowning her. Soon Luella was dead, and all her dirt went with her. Fuz dropped by to see how she was doing and found the dead Luella, her eyes fixed in an acusatory gaze. He got out of the water logged apartment and jumped into...

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THE YELLOW ROLLS-ROYCE

 

There seemed to be a camera crew in the car, intent on documenting the various successive owners, but Fuz had no patience with such nonsense, and no desire for any more publicity. He dispatched the camera crew to record the arrival of the police detail at Louella's house, and headed the magnificent automobile in the general direction of...

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