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TO EACH HIS OWN

 

Making that decision meant the saving of the civilized world. For there was one among the many who knew what humans could eat that would work like wolfbane on the aliens...it was burdock. Suddenly huge manufactories went into full swing, producing everything from burdock cereal to furniture polish, Soon the aliens went hungry and slowly died away. The next problem was, what to do with all the corpses. The government ran a contest for the best idea, the winner being given the first dinner that didn't include burdock.With such incentive the suggestions flowed in like a waterfall. The winner was a young lad who used his common sense...they would...

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DIAL M FOR MURDER

 

After all, reasoned the young prize-winner, M is head of the largest spy network in the world, with a liscense to kill at that. He's obviously had his share of disposing of inconvenient corpses. Still feeling the after-effects of her recent sex change, M was reluctant to take on such a demanding task, but the smell of rotting aliens proved to be too much even for her. She grabbed that much-used secure phone and summoned the one agent she was sure could handle a task of such global proportions, the elusive operative known to her as.....

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DOCTOR'S WIVES

 

Doctpr's Wives was a sex change, too, but someone took too long in the rest room, and when she came to, she was Eve White, Eve Black and Eve Grey...no one knew which Eve they would get on the phone, so what they asked of her had to be very carefully presented, lest they offend, enrage or engratiate her. M took a chance and put through a call, hoping for the best. After three rings , Eve answered. Which one are you she wondered, and then without warning M knew...it was...

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THREE MEN IN WHITE

 

Oh no, thought M, the three Eves have reverted. Could it be all the burdock root that has caused this unforseen development? Did that put her own sex change at risk, she wondered frantically? These thoughts were suddenly put aside as a bulletin from the lower eschelons of her organization crossed her desk, informing her that the alien corpses were decomposing at an accelerated rate in the earth's atmosphere....Problem solved! M quickly gave the Men In White the contact information for the Men In Black, hoping they would start a support group for alien survivors, then turned her mind to a crash program of burdock detox at the remote clinic of the esteemed but quirky physician,.....

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THE NUDE BOMB

 

It was a strange quirk, but his results were amazing...almost a 100 percent recovery rate. If anyone would bring M back from the brink, it was he. Unfortunately, because of the remoteness of the clinic and amount of patients before her, her wait would be at least eleven weeks. What a terrible turn of events. M, being the existential soul that she was, decided to take a small but elegant room in a nearby motel, and wait it out.How could she have known what fate had in store for her? Almost immediately she began...

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Dances with Wolves

 

Tarzan was a feral child who wanted nothing more than to find others like him. He was wandering around the jungle one day when he was a young lady who looked like him. He swooped down, grabbed her, and swung away on his vine. But when he took her home to mother, his mother's reaction was.....

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COUNTERATTACK

 

She took one look at the skanky thing Tarzan had brought into her just cleaned hut and threw the both off the tree onto the ground. "Get going, you trashy thing, and don't return...Tarzan, you may return, but not before you...

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MAKE MINE MINK

 

Oh great, where am I going to get mink in the jungle, thought the young apeman? His mind immediately turned to that band of thieves at the river outpost, run by that odd-looking, gap-toothed Englishman. If anyone can come up with the necessary item to get him back in his mother's good graces, it would be them. His mother had been unforgiving about that story he had circulated in the press about not having any parents and having been raised by apes. What am I, chopped hippo? she had demanded of him. She didn't understand that a jungleman needs mystique, or all those movie and comic book deals would dry up. He grabbed the nearest vine and swung off in the general direction of.....

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GIRL ON A MOTORCYCLE

 

He figured, "if I can't find a mink, I might as well have a little fun". But luck was with him, for as soon as she came into his sight, he could see that she was wearing a mink biker's jacket. He swooped down off his vine and lit on the back of her bike. They rode for a long time before she shouted, "How about we get something to eat?" He was down with that, so they stopped at the only Wendy's in all of Africa. They strolled into the eatery and immediately realized...

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IT CAME FROM BENEATH THE SEA

 

From the look of what was on their plates, Wendy's Africa franchise wasn't playing by the rules. The girl dug into hers as if she hadn't eaten for days; life on the road is catch-as-catch-can. Tarzan managed to take a few bites of his octo-burger, but his attention had been diverted by the gang of bikers at a nearby table, apparently led by the one called Captain America, who was giving the Heimlich to the nerdy one in the football helmet as he choked on his squid burrito. What could be their purpose here in Africa, wondered Tarzan, if it's not to....?

 

Message was edited by: DougieB because it's hard putting sentences together, you know?

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KEEP SMILING

 

That sludge they were all eating, from far beneath the sea contained an enzyme that caused joy and happiness. And they were going to make a killing selling it to all the countries that were at each other's throats. Soon, there would be no warring nations, no drug cartels, no bitter divorces...it would change the World. But would it be for the better, he thought, as he eyed the biker's coat. How would the Country survive?...He mused for a while and then...

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WAR GODS OF THE DEEP

 

Of course, he thought, they're behind this, using a simple enzyme as their means of planetary control. The consumers can't see beyond the smiling, freckled, red-headed corporate logo to the menace lurking behind that pig-tailed image. Looking at the suddenly light-hearted bikers, he knew they were all being lulled into a stupor that would make them willing pawns. Suddenly thankful that he had only taken a few small bites, he knew that he was the only one clear-headed enough to...

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*Call Northside 777*

 

That was the phone number of the Legion Of Superheroes. He figured that they, especially Aquaman, could help solve the problem. What did he have to lose? Even if they couldn't help, he might get to meet Wonder Woman. He had a crush on her for a while when he was a kid. They agreed to meet with him, but while he was on his way to the meeting he met up with

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THE MAN WHO CAME TO DINNER

 

So they took a break, went to Chasin's and had some of Liz's favorite chili. The more they ate and drank the less urgent their plight seemed. Soon they were so far gone they had to be escorted out to a waiting taxi. Little did they know that while they wiled away precious time, the enemy was making headway. As the cab carreened around a corner, they came upon...

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THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON

 

That's what the marquee said it was anyway.From the window of the cab which was carrying threm to an uncertain fate, Tarzan and Aquaman could see a beautiful blonde woman and the rather ordinary man accompanying her as they strolled out of the theater and continued their conversation on the side walk. "He's nice", she thought, as her skirt blew up around her, and he's married, which I think is just elegant, but he's got that look that all men get, that look that says.....

 

Message was edited by: DougieB fo clean-up

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PLAY MISTY FOR ME

 

Every time she thought she found the right guy, it was always..."play Misty for me". How did they know she played the piano? Why was it always the same song?...She turned and immediately spotted the cab carrying the two heroes. They came to a halt and she got in, without explanation. As the took off they said in unison, "play misty for us". She looked at them for a long while and then, again without explanatiion, she began to...

 

Message was edited by: visualfeast

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*Cry for Happy*

 

Well, she was tipsy and bipolar, not a great combo. Fortunately, The Girl had the presence of mind to hop out of the cab the minute it slowed down. ?No more ?Play Misty?,? she muttered to herself. The superheroes were gone, but this girl was the type that attracted attention wherever she went. Not much time passed before she bumped (literally) into three executive types who insisted on treating her to another cocktail or two. The tall handsome one reminded her a little of JFK and she liked him instantly. The shorter, silver-haired fellow had an old-school sex appeal and was clearly on the make. The younger guy just seemed geeky and awkward and he quickly dropped off her radar. Batting her baby-blues at handsome, she said?

 

Message was edited by: theladyeve

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I WAS A COMMUNIST FOR THE FBI

 

But that was a long time ago, she said...let's talk about that later." Right now let's talk about you.

What do you think of me?" she asked, and then without pause "would you like to get to know me better?"...and "why don't we shag these two and head for your place?" Finally giving him time for a response, he asked, "are you crazy?" That was the wrong thing to ask, for she then blurted out her plan to be his wife. She said,"you and me,,,get it? settled down in a beautiful home ...you know, just you and me. but not your lame brother...if you invite him to our home, I'll take him swimming". The cab came to an abrupt stop in front Behind the Moon, his ancestral home. They jumped out, leaving her locked in the back seat. They told the driver, "take her to.....'

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*The Snake Pit*

 

After that bizarre and disappointing encounter, Don, Roger and Pete decided to call it a night. Don headed for the suburbs and Roger took a cab to his hotel. Pete couldn?t quite face going home to Trudy yet, so decided to?

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RETURN TO PEYTON PLACE

 

The place where it all began, That picture-postcard town that held some of the most disgraceful secrets he'd ever known. He got off the bus and immediately thought of Constance. "I've got to find her, and make ammends" he thought. Soon he was in front of her house and preparing to ring the bell, when suddenly.he saw...

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*The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit*

 

Constance MacKenzie was talking with Don Draper??Oh my God,? Pete thought, ?How did Don Draper get here? How could he have known about this? Did he hire a private eye?? Pete had long suspected Don would want revenge for the time he had foolishly insisted on telling Bertram Cooper that Don Draper was not who he said he was. Pete?s heart sunk as he imagined Don telling everyone at Sterling Cooper that Pete himself was really?

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*Harriet Craig*

 

Who had had a sex change operation because Harriet hated men and felt hey, if you can't beat 'em, join em. He was surprised and secretly thrilled when Peggy told him she had his baby!

So Pete hid behind Constance's bushes and listened as Dapper Don told Constance........

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THE GREAT LIE

 

Constance was convinced she couldn't believe a word Don Draper said to her. After all,she'd had that other go-round with a married man, so she knew what their word was worth. Plus, she had her own share of secrets, particularly those months spent in that desert hideaway having the baby which Peggy could present to Pete as her own. Pete, once Harriet Craig, didn't know to this day that Peggy had once been Phillip Marlowe, and therefore incapable of having children. Constance had certainly defied convention before and, looking into Don Draper's eyes, she knew that the time had come to....

 

Message was edited by: DougieB, because it gets complicated, doesn't it?

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*Cry Havoc*

 

and send Don and Pete on their way back to NY. Don wanted to rid himself of Pete so he told the driver to drop Pete off at 86th and Park and take him back to the office since he did not want to listen to Betty's whinning about the kids. When Don got back to Sterling Cooper he was surprised to find........

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