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*They All Laughed*

 

?when they heard the story of Harriet Craig/Pete Campbell, yet Pete was to be welcomed back with open arms! When the news broke, Joanie had whispered to Peggy, ?Pete was the only one I stayed away from?I figured he was a weirdo with those tight little suits of his.? Peggy hadn't said a word but quietly returned to her office and called Father John Gill. She felt she had to tell him that?

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*I Can Get It For You Wholesale*

 

She would tell him that she couldn't go on helping him write his sermons and wirting copy for publicity flyers for dances without getting paid. After all, there was car fare, the breakfast and lunch cart and all those button down sweaters to pay for. She would tell him she had to be paid or she would ......

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*Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye*

 

?and while the priest might think she was contemplating suicide, Peggy was actually revealing her plan to leave Brooklyn, the Catholic Church and her ponytail behind. The entire Harriet Craig/Pete Campbell scandal had thrown her off kilter. Talk about always picking the wrong guy! She took another look at Joanie with her zaftig figure, form-hugging dresses and her devastating impact on men. She thought about Jane, the conniving little college tramp who so handily snared Roger Sterling. What did they have that she didn?t have? She decided she needed to be?

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*Dressed To Kill*

 

So Peggy decided to call Rachel Meneken, Don's former lover and owner of Meneken's Deartment Store. She and Rachel had plans to meet at the store but when she looked in the desk drawer to find a pen, instead she found something strange. This had been Freddy Munsen's office before and she couldn't believe what was written in Freddy's journal. As she read on, Roger walked in and asked Peggy to.....

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*Take a Letter, Darling*

 

Now she?d heard everything! Peggy stood up, Freddie?s diary firmly clutched in the hand behind her back, walked over to Roger and barked out, ?Mr. Sterling, I have not been a secretary for more than two years, and I was never your darling!? Roger rocked back unsteadily and Peggy realized he was half in the bag. She slipped around him and out of the office, mumbling, ?Excuse me, Mr. Sterling,? as she left. She was going to find Don and share Freddie?s diary with him. If she wasn?t mistaken, Freddie had been working on the perfect campaign for?

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DUEL IN THE JUNGLE

 

It was a new cologne developed for both men and women, the idea behind it being, no matter what sex change you have, your scent will never change. Such a practical businessman...but a total dud when it came to social coexistence. Finding him was going to be a cinch, she thought, as she quickly thumbed through the phonebook and stopped at...

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*Alice?s Restaurant*

 

?but she moved on. She realized Don wouldn?t be caught dead in a luncheonette. She didn?t think he was still seeing Midge or Bobbie, but he?d been awfully attentive to his wife Betty lately, maybe he?d taken her lunch. She called around and found he had a reservation at Lutece. Tossing the diary into her purse she decided to wait for Don in his office. When he finally returned, Peggy asked if he?d enjoyed?

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*The Four Seasons*

 

Since Peggy realized Don might be angry if he thought she had been frantically calling all over town looking for him.She also decided to hold off on telling him about Freddy's journal. As they passed Duck's office, they heard him talking to himself. It seems that he had been having nightmares about wild dogs attacking him and started to mutter to himself......

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*A Boy and His Dog*

 

over and over and over. Ever since he?d put Chauncey, his loyal Irish Setter and his children?s beloved pet, out into the street when he started hitting the bottle again, he?d not only been haunted by dreams of being devoured by dogs but was terrified Chauncey would find his way home and that his kids would figure out their dad was?

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BELLE OF THE YUKON

 

Long before the operation, heshe was champion Ididerod racer. How happy they were then, she and her pack of devoted Huskies. The problems came when they got wind of her contemplating the "operation". They reacted badly, ceasing to obey her commands and then actually trying to bite her when she wasn't looking. One night, in the small hours, they attacked her, almost ending her life. What the poor beasts didn't realize is that their rending made the "operation" all the easier to complete. That explained his dreams and his aversion of dogs, in general, but how could he explain this to his children? He thought long and hard and came up with an answer that seemed to be...

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*No Way Out*

 

And so Duck was left to wrestle with his myriad demons, bottle at the ready. Meanwhile back at Sterling Cooper, Peggy and Don sat down to discuss Freddie?s diary. Don thought the ideas Freddie had sketched out were good ones and that he might now be able to talk Roger into bringing Freddie back on board. Roger, however, was nowhere to be found and Don suspected he was on his way to?

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THE LIVING DESERT

 

That little cabin where so long ago Sondra and Maggie escaped to while preparing for the new baby to come. It was the only reasonable answer. He called the now-coffee-shop gas station and waited for someone to answer...but no one did. In a moment he realized that very spot was where the government was going to test an A-Bomb that afternoon. All the life left his body as he realized his friend was doomed. If only cell phones had been invented, he thought he could have warned him in time, but as things were, all he could do was...

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*Brainstorm*

 

with Peggy on where else Roger might be. On a hunch, she called La Cote Basque immediately and was shocked to hear that Roger was in the dining room at this moment giving Truman Capote and his ?swans? a?

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CRUISING

 

They all favored him back and asked him to join them. They were deep in conversation about Lee and Kitty and Betsy and Jackie, and asked him to join in with any new dirt he might know that they didn't. He said no, that he didn't, and asked them if they know where Don might be...or was it Ralph...or Ducky or...Gad, he'd forgotten what he was doin there in the first place. He staggered out of the restaurant into the cold foggy night and immediately ....

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*His Kind of Woman*

 

came walking up the street in his direction. This, of course, meant she was young, pretty, shapely and available-looking. Roger forgot about alimony, Capote, the "swans," Sterling Cooper, Jane-his-fiancee and everything else that had been crowding his beleaguered brain just moments before. In what he considered a smooth approach, Roger ambled up to the young woman and said?

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MARY QUEEN OF SCOTTS

 

He thought a broad flattery would endear him from the getgo. Her response was less than what he's hoped. "Naw, shorty, I'm Dolores, dutchess of Red Hook...wanna buy me a drink?" He figured his opener didn't work, but she was still game for a drink, so he took her arm and they went into the closest bar. Once there, they got down to business..."I love you, Dolores" he blurted, not quite concious of his declaration. She'd been around the block , so she responded, to his surprise...

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I WAKE UP SCREAMING

 

"Oh oh", thought Roger, "Dolores is high-maintenance." Just what he didn't want, another needy type, but he felt compelled to profess his love for her nonetheless. Why was that? As he mentally reviewed the long list of his conquests, he had to admit he was beginning to see a pattern emerge. Roger realized he was drawn to the type of women who liked to...

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*Swing High, Swing Low*

In other words, he had a taste for manic depressives. One more disturbing thing to have to think about. He quickly realized his mistake with Dolores, grabbed the nearest cab and took off. It might be wise to pay a visit to Dr. Max Jacobson, Dr. Feel Good, he thought, Roger was desperately in need of?

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*Tea and Sympathy*

 

If only he could find Deborah Kerr right about now, she'd have same sage advice for the ole boy. Oh well, that was at least seven years earlier. He thought to himself what a mess he'd made. Two coronaries, a rotten marriage, a spoiled brat for a daughter and every other woman in NY. He really loved his red headed Joanie but even she deserted him. Maybe it was time to settle down and go back to Mona and try to.....

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*Live for Life*

 

?on second thought, living for life would pretty much automatically eliminate any relationship with his estranged wife. Actually, Dr. Jacobson would probably be able to help him enjoy life more than just about anyone or anything he could think of in his present disoriented state. He continued on his way to the doctor?s office with the hope that he would soon feel?

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LUST FOR LIFE

 

Dr. Jacobson's office was mobbed as usual, particularly by the many celebrity clients. The poised young woman in the pillbox hat was just leaving the inner office, as the good doctor confirmed a home visit for her husband, whose back was apparently giving him problems. Roger began to feel insignificant next to such illustrious clientele, but his desire for the doctor's unique form of treatment overpowered his reservations. He walked into the waiting room and chose a seat next to....

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*The Talented Mr. Ripley*

 

though Roger had no idea who he was, he just picked the chair because the man looked like the least significant person in the waiting room. Ripley tried to engage Roger in conversation, but Roger wasn?t one to talk with strange men - strange women were another matter. Once in the doctor?s inner sanctum, Roger had just one request, ?Give me a?

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PEKING EXPRESS

 

That was what they were calling his magic elixer last time he visited, but he was way out of touch. The new stuff was called One Night In Istanbul, and packed a bigger punch that the other.

He relaxed on the table , ready for the deep puncture of the needle, when who barged in but...

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*The Woman in the Window*

 

?Tiffany?s window, that is. Roger had seen her reflection in that window many mornings as he straggled past Tiffany?s on his way home after a long night out. The elegant waif always stood quietly, sipping her coffee and nibbling at her cruller as she gazed longingly into Tiffany?s window. And now here she was in Jacobson?s office, wide-eyed and winsome. Roger took one look at her and said, ?Nevermind, Max, this young lady is all I need to??

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RETURN TO YESTERDAY

 

He was speaking metaphorically, of course; he wanted to return to the yesterday of his youth, before all the money, women, penthouses, executive suites, divorces, assignations and his complete disintegration. This was the woman that could do this, he hoped. But sadly it was not to be. The waif had come into the wrong door...she was looking for the maternity suite, and when she realized her miss step, she graciously excused herself and proceeded to the offices of Dr Joshua. Once again, her was disconsolate. There were no words that would calm him, so the good doctor, thinking of his crowded office of paying patients, asked him to...

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