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Movies are the answer


Kid Dabb
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*THE KEYHOLE*

 

dripped blood. In fact the whold scene seemed to suddenly be covered with blood. Mr. Kirby explained that it was fake blood, for use in the theater and that when he opened the container all would be explained. "So, open it up" they chanted...and so he did. It seemed hours before a small sound was heard coming from the back of the space. Everyone craned their necks to get a first glimpse. "Here, let me shine a light in there for you" said the accommodating Mr. Kirby. They still had a hard time seeing much...just a small lump at the back. Finally the lump made itw way toward the front. It turned out to be a gunny sack, and when it opened, out came...

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LES CINQ GENTLEMEN MAUDITS

 

?all with blood on their hands---for whomever they curse ends up dead. Relieved to find all this blood nothing but a metaphor, attention was turned to Marion who vehemently denied any association with these fellows and insisted that the gloves were not really his but stolen from some ragpicker on Bleeker street. ?Cuff?em,? said the Police Chief, his last words for he was killed instantly by a bullet from no other than Kirby himself. Shrieks everywhere, people trampled over including the five gentilehommes who would from this moment on curse no more. Kirby issued a devilish cry and stealthily withdrew. Was he the killer of the girl too, then? But wait, a new wrinkle...a stentorian voice was heard emanating from high, the voice of...

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*THE GREAT ZIEGFELD*

 

He announced that the scene was over and that they should all prepare for the next. It would be a Caribbean musical number with the high point coming from Josephine Baker singing

*Laffite too big for de bed.* Looking forward to a change in mood, they all disappeared into their little trailers for a makeup change. Meanwhile, Marion Kirby, too, changed his makeup...in an instant, he became Marian Kirby. What devious plan did he have next?....

 

Edited by: visualfeast on Oct 29, 2009 4:53 PM

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WHAT?S NEW PUSSYCAT

 

?indeed is what was on everyone?s mind although all agreed that going from Marion to Marian in a modest makeup change would be hard to beat. Also hard to beat would be Josephine Baker?s number that brought the house down, oh that Josie, can she sing a song, or what? And a song about a pirate, no less, so they thought. The Music Hall Impresario called for order and announced a new act was in the offing. A bustle of enthusiasm and then a hushed silence as the curtain rose and revealed?

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*SWEET ROSIE O'GRADY*

 

There she was...Marian playing Betty Grable playing Sweet Rosie. And she carried it off quite well until someone in the orchestra blew a flat note and sent her into one of her tantrums. Right there on the stage in front of everyone, she shreiked and tore her clothes, revealing that what she didn't want to reveal. The audience was dumbfounded, as was the rest of the cast. Would they never be rid of this tantrum on wheels? The answer came from the wings, when a stout man dressed in hospital whites came toward Marian/Marion with a net. When He-she saw what was happening, she...

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BORN TO BE BAD

 

And ready to give herself/himself up, watched in amazement as the men in white grabbed the musician who played the wrong note and carried him off. Once again she dodged the proverbial bullet and her reputation as the slippery one became to assume the status of legend. Soon there was a clamor for a movie of her life, a project that was enthusiastically received by all. A contest was held for a title and heads came together to choose one. Meanwhile Marion's life took another breathtaking turn when...

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*THE DEATH OF A SALESMAN*

 

Her father, the seller of gadgets on the streets of New York, had died unexpectedly while crossing Broadway against the light. Guiding his cart, he forged ahead in front of a truck. "life is over" she cried..."I can't go on"...but soon she realized going on was her only option. So she regained her composure, put on a black dress and began the search for someone who would play the lead. Quentin Crisp was one name that came up, but was quickly forgotten. A secretary came up with a winner, naming....

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A LIFE OF HER OWN

 

?meaning the life of Marian herself. Why not, she thought, I will play myself. Who better to play the legend than the legend. Furthermore she would not have just one leading man she would have several. An adventuress must have many men to love and then to contemptuously and summarily dismiss as if throwing out the garbage. Who would be the first of these eminently disposable leading men. The secretary, who was excellent at naming things, put her forefinger on her pursed lips, rolled her eyes upward as if deep in thought and then proceeded to come up with another winner, naming...

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THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GREY

 

she had seen just the other day...he looked right for the part. So they proceeded to attempt to find said person. They combed every employment agency that handled actors, and came up with nothing. After exhausting every possibility, they had one chance left...the bowery bars. They roamed up and down every rum soaked street until they went into the grimiest bar of them all. It was called....

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ROGUE?S GALLERY

 

?because the grime in this Bowery bar was moral grime and the low-life patrons in this Bowery bar were reflected not by physical dissipation---they were young and hot---but by their portraits that hung in the Rogues? Gallery in the back room, portraits that revealed their moral turpitude. Marian never went in for pictures and instead was agog at the sight of these Adonis-like hunks as leading men. They were already rolling the film as Marian danced a wild bacchanal with several of them in one magnificent frenzied number. Just before the end, however, the director yelled, "?

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*I REMEMBER MAMA*

 

For an instant, the director had a flash of his mother dancing wildly during one of her many parties. He never thought much about the fact that all the guests were young men, but just then, it all came clear to him. She was a wanton woman. He was filming his mother's life...how could he approach the project with proper distance, now? He mulled it over for a while and decided to replace Marian with Marion and call it remake of BOYS IN THE BAND. All was going well when suddenly...

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A MAN AND A WOMAN

 

?made an unexpected appearance on the set. To everyone?s amazement they saw Marian?and Marion?together. The were arguing vehemently. Marian complained that with the new plan she wouldn?t have anything to do. Her orientation would be of no use in the film. The director declared he would create a small role for her but she was adamant. She was holding out for full equality. The two warring genders brought the whole project to a stalemate and the director, beside himself, decided to?

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A MAN AND A WOMAN

 

?made an unexpected appearance on the set. To everyone?s amazement they saw Marian?and Marion?together. The were arguing vehemently. Marian complained that with the new plan she wouldn?t have anything to do. Her orientation would be of no use in the film. The director declared he would create a small role for her but she was adamant. She was holding out for full equality. The two warring genders brought the whole project to a stalemate and the director, beside himself, decided to?

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A MAN AND A WOMAN

 

?made an unexpected appearance on the set. To everyone?s amazement they saw Marian?and Marion?together. The were arguing vehemently. Marian complained that with the new plan she wouldn?t have anything to do. Her orientation would be of no use in the film. The director declared he would create a small role for her but she was adamant. She was holding out for full equality. The two warring genders brought the whole project to a stalemate and the director, beside himself, decided to?

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A MAN AND A WOMAN

 

?made an unexpected appearance on the set. To everyone?s amazement they saw Marian?and Marion?together. The were arguing vehemently. Marian complained that with the new plan she wouldn?t have anything to do. Her orientation would be of no use in the film. The director declared he would create a small role for her but she was adamant. She was holding out for full equality. The two warring genders brought the whole project to a stalemate and the director, beside himself, decided to?

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A MAN AND A WOMAN

 

?made an unexpected appearance on the set. To everyone?s amazement they saw Marian?and Marion?together. The were arguing vehemently. Marian complained that with the new plan she wouldn?t have anything to do. Her orientation would be of no use in the film. The director declared he would create a small role for her but she was adamant. She was holding out for full equality. The two warring genders brought the whole project to a stalemate and the director, beside himself, decided to?

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A MAN AND A WOMAN

 

?made an unexpected appearance on the set. To everyone?s amazement they saw Marian?and Marion?together. The were arguing vehemently. Marian complained that with the new plan she wouldn?t have anything to do. Her orientation would be of no use in the film. The director declared he would create a small role for her but she was adamant. She was holding out for full equality. The two warring genders brought the whole project to a stalemate and the director, beside himself, decided to?

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A MAN AND A WOMAN

 

?made an unexpected appearance on the set. To everyone?s amazement they saw Marian?and Marion?together. The were arguing vehemently. Marian complained that with the new plan she wouldn?t have anything to do. Her orientation would be of no use in the film. The director declared he would create a small role for her but she was adamant. She was holding out for full equality. The two warring genders brought the whole project to a stalemate and the director, beside himself, decided to?

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So sorry for the repeat posts. I received server messages telling me that my posts were not being completed. I had no idea that they were actually being posted because I couldn't see them. Then when the problem resolved, they all appeared at once. Yike! Apologies. Laffite

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*TAXI*

 

To the nearest bar. All the feuding and re-posting was making him dizzy. So off he went to Toots Shore's for a double of anything closest to the bartender's hand. While sipping his Gin Sling, he was approached by a wannabe. He had heard of his dilemma and had the answwer to his problem. All you have to do is....

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SPEAK EASILY

 

?and clearly and make sure you appear to know what your talking about, especially when you don't, and always have sea sickness pills handy because you never know when your going to encounter dizzy spells from feuds, recalcitrant actors, intransigent producers, bonehead writers, re-postings, scissor-happy editors, and other horrors of the business. The rest is sheer luck. For instance, when I?

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*SULLIVAN'S TRAVELS*

 

began, he had no inkling that his search for the pulse of the common man would take him back to comedy. "Laugh...that's the suggestion I would make to you" said the wannabe. "Say that sounds like a good plan, sonny" he responded, and in no time thay were deep in conversation about changing the murder mystery that became the musical that became transgender epic that disolved into mayhem...It would now be a comdeic version of *MURDER BY DEATH* which was intended to be funny, but turned out to be an unpleasantly scented bomb. Together they headed to the theater in time to find....

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TOPPER

 

?who asked them both if they had seen anyone named Marian Kirby. The director and the wannabe just glared at him after which the director quite calmly had this Topper gentleman thrown out. Some questions just shouldn?t be asked. They tried to resume their conversation but noticed a movie playing in the theater. They stopped and watched. It was not about murder, nor mayhem, nor anything unpleasant (including scent), It was fantasy, a wondrous story of knaves and old ships and heroic events under yellowy skies and pale, rosy-orange clouds, where...

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*HISTORY IS MADE AT NIGHT*

 

And where can you find bright yellowy skys at night? The North Pole, of course. And who lives at the North Pole?...Why The Mad Hatter, of course (he's also called Santa Claus, but who but a madman would think of delivering things all over the world in one night?) The film goes into detail regarding his mental breakldown from the isolation of his chosen home, and how he runs amok among the elves of the region. The story might have been easier to take had it not been made by Passollini. The audience sat in stunned silence as....

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