Jump to content
 
Search In
  • More options...
Find results that contain...
Find results in...

Movies are the answer


Recommended Posts

MY LIFE

 

Yeah, I?ll write my autobiography. Surely, he thought, people would want to read about the life of an average psychotic. If the famous Thomas of the same name could become well known, then why not he, himself ... so thought Merton. Because he couldn't write himself out of a wet paper bag, he decided to enlist help by looking...

Link to post
Share on other sites

*IN A LONELY PLACE*

 

And there was Dix...a psychotic if ever there was one. Who better to put Merton's life into a script than he? Dix lived in a lovely Spanish style apartment in Hollywood....surrounded by lovely young women; some of them enjoying very short lives. As he approached the steps to Dix's place, Merton felt a strange pull at the back of his neck. He should have paid closer attention, for it was a warning of the strange web he was weaving, that would take him to places he never knew existed. Dix opened the door and Merton entered what would soon become the scene of the crime. As he walked in, he noticed...

Link to post
Share on other sites

A SHOT IN THE DARK

 

?although upon closer examination it was not a shot of booze at all but a horse?s neck which made him think again of that pull in his own and he heard Dix tell him that it was for Mildred, a hat check girl who was on her way over to hear Merton?s life story for his screenplay since he, Dix, was to be busy checking out the fox across the patio. ?And make it good,? said Dix with a splishy drawl, ?I don?t sell popcorn.? The doorbell rang, no doubt Mildred, but when Dix opened the door?

Link to post
Share on other sites

*THE SISTERS*

 

Came in to take Mildred's place...they read twice as fast. As they settled in for a night of objective scanning, their attention was nudged by the smell of Mimosa coming from that room at the end of the house...always cold, always damp...they asked about it,but Dix ignored them and began a long running dialog about how everyone's was out to get him, and how this tome would put him back on top. Merton wondered who they would choose to play him. Just then a girl named Stella glided by, arrousing no one's attention but Dix's. "What are you doing out of your room?" he demanded. Stella shot him a disgusted glance and continued on to the kitchen. "There's the dishes to wash and the floor is a mess" Stella shouted. Merton finally woke up to her presence and immediately fell in love. "Cool it, buddy boy...she's mine"..Dix warned him, and just then Dix's cell phone rang (a strange event considering it was 1950) he answered it anyway and told Merton it was for him. He answered and to his surprise, it was....

Link to post
Share on other sites

THE FOX

 

?across the patio complaining about the noise because Dix was strangling Stella for saying no to a proposal of marriage and her screams of terror made the sisters throw their hands up and flee the scene much to the consternation of Merton who was relating the best part of his life when he was being interviewed by Larry King and telling the world what if felt like to be an idiot and psychotic. The fox, whose name was Laural, rushed to help and upon fixing a gaze on Dix fell immediately In love him. Dix looked at her and was so equally smitten he dropped Stella who hit her head on the sideboard and died which made Stanley, who had been yelling "STELLAAAA!" looking for her and upon seeing same in a pool of blood, have a Polish hissy fit of monumental proportions after which he gazed upon Dix with a dreadful menace who returned the threatening glance with one of his own that made the house fairly tremble. Who would prevail between these two temper tantrum titans of tinsel town? But then...

 

Edited by: laffite on Jan 2, 2010 3:10 AM

Link to post
Share on other sites

*NOBODY LIVES FOREVER*

 

So they managed to do each other in. There was Merton, standing in a room with three corpses an no good explanation. Should he call the police, or should he run? He ran. Snug on a train bound for South Dakota, he curled into an upper berth and slept the sleep of angels. In the coffee shop of the train station, he was balancing his coffee and a cruller in one hand and his memoirs in the other, as he made his way to a table with a view. He just managed to avoid being shot by a lovely, but undoubtedly unbalanced blonde. What a charmed life I lead, he mused as the blonde came toward his table. Help me, she uttered, as she.....

Link to post
Share on other sites

CHAINED

 

?a litany of problems in vocal effusion that were besetting her including a certain imbroglio with some jerk named Alan but mainly being held hostage by a policeman who was transporting her to Reno where she was to testify against Don Michael Corleone for certain infractions that common decency dictate a prudent discretion be observed. They boarded the train and he took her to his compartment only to find the policeman waiting for them. The blonde panicked and shot him through the heart. The train police came and arrested the blonde for boarding without a pass and Merton for the murder of a police officer. What a charmed life I lead, he said, as they led him?

Link to post
Share on other sites

*DOWN THREE DARK STREETS*

 

Wandering along, they realized that they were hopelessly lost...afterall, it was Boston! Merton took advantage of the situation and mentioned he knew how to get there. They followed, like sheep to slaughter, and in no time they really were in a quandry. No one knew where he was. While the cops were musing, Merton slipped away, down yet another dark street. In short order, he came upon another blonde, who offered to clear him if he would show her the way to the police station. They truned a corner and there it was! They barged in and demanded to see the chief. Explaining that Merton was a victim of circumstances and the blonde was there to clear another guy wrongfully accused. The chief weighed all the evidence and let them both off. Out in the fog, Merton and the smokey blonde started off in opposite directions, sure in the thought that they would soon cross paths, again. Sure enough, around another corner was....

Link to post
Share on other sites

ANOTHER MAN?S POISON

 

?and in good numbers as he found himself in front of a School for Femme Fatales that provided advanced courses in the myriad ways that not only blonds but brunettes and those fiery redheads as well can make life miserable for hapless and unsuspecting men while employing the arts of subterfuge, perfidy, back-stabbing, double-crossing and of course the Great American Lie. Merton longed for the long-gone girl-next-door type and wondered if there were any left. Sure enough there she was again, the smokey blonde, entering the building for still another lesson in deceit. Where are the Snow Whites of yesteryear? ?Here I am,? said a sweet voice behind him. Merton turned and?

Link to post
Share on other sites

*RUBY GENTRY*

 

was standing there, rifle in hand and a wicked look in her eye. Get over here, punk she spat, spreading her feet to get a better balance. He assured her that she didn't need to shoot...he was her dupe. "We're gettin out of here" she barked..."You're gonna help me win back my ever-lovin man" What a nut, he thought...how would he be able to win her back her lost love? They sped along in her fishing boat, and soon they were at the dock in southern Lousianna. As they debarked, they were met by another woman...old, wrinkled and grey-haired. She began yelling orders, and Merton realized that Femme Fatales were not all young...not all of them died beautiful, on the grimy streets of a dark city. The debarked and just over the nearest hill came a strange sight...a large man and a dog, pushing a huge cannon. As they approached, the man called out....

Link to post
Share on other sites

TIME OUT

 

Apparently a war was going on and a cease fire was being called so they could feed the dog. Merton was at the end of his rope and perhaps losing his mind. Here he had thought to have found a girl next door but once again vaulted into adventures many and varied. He pinched himself to see if he was dreaming. To his utter amazement he actually woke up?to find himself being questioned?what do you want? I am looking for, he said, a Femme Fidele, a girl-next-door type who will remain faithful and true, that is if such a being exists in the world. The questioner regarded him with bemused contempt and then began to wonder aloud?

Link to post
Share on other sites

*MEN ARE SUCH FOOLS*

 

The interrogator, who happened to be a real babe, mused that all men are pushovers and here was yet another to add to her wall of conquests. She positioned herself across from him and unbuttoned the first six buttons of her shirt (such a subtle babe, was she) As he gazed at her, she suggested that he could get himself out of the current mess by simply helping her get some letters from a place called Rick's. He could go there, find the letters and then they could shag that town and go somewhere where the sun was shining for at lease a few hours a day. It sounded good, real good, so he agreed. As the cab pulled up in front of Rick's, the fog was rolling in right on cue. He entered and immediately saw the young barmaid named Ilsa. He was transfixed. Would he find the letters and return to the station or would he be seduced by Ilsa? Only time would tell....

 

Edited by: visualfeast on Jan 5, 2010 9:38 AM

Link to post
Share on other sites

THE STRAIGHT STORY

 

?which began to unfold immediately as Merton, forever the idealist, asked Llsa whether she might be a femme fidele whereupon she laughed in his face and told him she was not a bad girl though she advised against meeting her at train stations. He asked about the letters but she had gone to the piano bar with a request unknowingly leaving unattended a packet of letters that Merton grabbed at once but was detained by Captain Renault who confiscated same and Merton feared mightily the interrogator-babe but was told by Major Strasser not to worry as she had been suspended by the Production Code since their guidelines did not allow six unbuttonings (unless in the Producer?s office) which made Merton nearly cry out with joy. Sam began the song and Rick came barging out of his office and noticing Merton kissing Major Strasser's boot with gratitude, said, "...

Link to post
Share on other sites

*CRUISING*

 

isn't allowed in this bar, and you know it...If you want to play those games, go down the block to The Backroom. If you remain here, you may ask the major to dance, and that's all...and not cheek to cheek! Merton was furious that He was outed in such a public place, but soon realized that such a thing didn't matter a hill of beans in the world they inhabited. Rick took Merton aside and told him he had to do it. They visited the gambling casino and Rick gave the croupier the eye...Merton came away with big bucks. As Captain Reynaud closed the casino, yet again...he stuffed money in his pockets, as he closed the place...for an undisclosed amount of time. Rick took Merton by the arm and strode into the fog suggesting that they disappear for a while. Was this the beginning of a beautiful friendship? As they disolved into the fog.....

Link to post
Share on other sites

THE END OF THE AFFAIR

 

Merton whose adventures thereupon came to a close gave way to ?THE END? appearing on the screen and the exact nature of this friendship will be left to the viewer?s imagination, one?s pleasure to seek. The lights came on and the audience filed out of The Bijou to find the city dusking and the whores, pimps, night clubbers, night riders of various feathers as well other various nocturnal denizens coming out like worms (or fire flies) scuttling (or hovering) apace their business/pleasure to perform. A lame man, dragging a foot, armed and angry, was on a mission that most certainly boded ill for the doer of a dubious deed during an era of war time woe who was?

Link to post
Share on other sites

*THE LUCKY STIFF*

 

as the entire remainder of his regiment had perished in one mighty explosion. He was thrown clear, with one injury...his leg. He sufferfed the remorse of the survivor from that moment on, and each year drove him deeper and deeper into a profound drpression. He saw may shrinks,but they simply prescribed the latest pill and sent him on his way. The pills made matters worse; confusing and disorienting him. He became a denizen of the night so he could escape the pittying looks he elicited. In the night htere were shadows into which he could disolve. One cold night he was making his way to his crumby room, when a shaggy dog began following him. He shooed him away, but the more he shooes, the more attracted the dog became. As they began the treck up the stairs, the dog at his side, a strange thing happened....

Link to post
Share on other sites

THE CLOCK

 

?struck twelve and suddenly a wonderful genie appeared before the man and the dog with a single wish to grant. It was a no-brainer, make my leg heal so that I can walk tall like a real man again. The wish was to be granted but on one condition, to wit, upon the granted wish someone, not the man with the bad leg, but someone else, a perfectly innocent person to be arbitrarily chosen, would die and be damned in hell for all eternity. The man didn?t care, all he could think of was his leg being perfectly healthy, so he expressed his wish and waited expectantly. Just then the dog began to bark wildly because...

Link to post
Share on other sites

*THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN ARM*

 

was his payback. He'd forgotten there is no free lunch, but the wise old dog hadn't, and he was frantically trying to remind him. Not only would an innocent person die for him, but he would be stricken with yet another debilitator, worse than the original one. Barking wildly, the dog finally decided to go full throttle, and bit him savagely on his good leg. He came crashing to the floor, and suddenly the light broke through for him. He asked the bargaineer if he could change his mind, and just go back to the status quo of a few minutes ago, NO, was his answer. He was committed to his first request. Hat in hand, he began to think of a way out. The guilt was already building, as he...

Link to post
Share on other sites

CAPTURED

 

?suddenly the spirit of this new enlightenment within him and though contrary to the spirit he had no choice but to deflect the dog?s wildness onto the genie?but was it in time? The genie was gone but was it?s horrible legacy still intact? He contemplated the outrageous irony of now welcoming his disability in favor of the unendurable guilt he would no doubt be unable to purge. The dog looked at him but with no sign of reproach. No change in the leg?so far. He suddenly felt immense fatigue and turned to sleep for respite. What would the morning bring? Hours later he awoke to the dog, barking, barking, barking?he opened his eyes and ?

Link to post
Share on other sites

*STRANGER ON THE THIRD FLOOR*

 

was standing before him, causing the dog to bring forth his deepest urge to protect his master. The stranger told him that he had come to deliver a message from the genie. "Asa Nisi Masa" was the message. What nonsense was this? What could those words mean that would change anything?

He paused for a moment and realized that the pain and forshortening of his leg had disappeared. He stood ****, and without a bit of pain. His monentary joy flooded the room, which began the dog's barking, again...as if the warn him not to be too happy, and to remind his the awful curse hanging over him. Somewhere, someone was going to die because of his greedy wish. As he was coming down from his wish, the door opened and another stranger entered, this time smelling of gardenia cologne and holding a small hand-gun. Could it be....

 

Edited by: visualfeast on Jan 9, 2010 12:50 PM

Link to post
Share on other sites

THE OUTRAGE

 

?of the innocent, perhaps in the waning moments of the temporal, bent on an 11th hour revenge? It appeared to be the end and the man whose leg had been healed now accepted his fate, waiting to be killed. The dog did not attack the gunman?instead barked furiously at his master, as if to once again make an appeal. Suddenly the man intoned the mantra ?Asa Nisi Masa? and immediately felt a violent tug to mind and body. The man with the gun backed out of the room, the genie?s

messenger reappeared. Time seemed to be going backwards. Yes, his life was in rewind. Would he go far enough back to make a different wish? If this was the genie?s message he would welcome it, how rare to get a second chance. But when they got back to the time of the wish?

Link to post
Share on other sites

*HE LAUGHED LAST*

 

For he was indeed given a chance to undo his terrible mistake. The genie reappeared as if for the first time, made his offer, and again the man answered, but this time with a different wish. He wished for eternal peace for the entire world. At which, the genie contorted in uncontrollable laughter. "Peace for the entire world?" the genie asked. "Yes, why not?" he retorted. "It isn't possible in a world so full of petty self importance, lust for power and religious idiocy" "Oh" said the man. He just shrugged and contemplated his next reply..." I'll just go with answer number one, again...what the hell...what's the use?" The genie smiled and once again, granted the wish. The man walked off into the sunset, with renewed vigor and wellbeing. "Oh, well", he murmered, "tomorrow is another day..." Meanwhile the wiley genie....

Link to post
Share on other sites

CAST A DARK SHADOW

 

?as it withdrew from the scene, once again having accomplished it?s mission of maintaining the balance between the Good and the Bad. Granting eternal peace was certainly out of the question and the continuation of murder and guilt maintained the tenuous equilibrium that kept the world at perpetual odds with itself and once again the genie reflected on the tough business of granting wishes in a world with no God. What fools these mortal be, indeed, always praying to what does not exist instead of giving The Genie it?s full recognition as the dues ex machina that determines the plot of this stage upon which fools tread. These reflections were interrupted by that damnable internal alarm that genies find so irksome, another fool with another infernal wish, what fresh nonsense might this be? This time it was from a little boy on the Western prairie who kept yelling the name of his hero, that benevolent stranger who showed him how to use a gun but who was now riding away. The little boy wished?

Link to post
Share on other sites

*MILDRED PIERCE*

 

would return, but for all his calling, she just kept riding farther and ferther, until her image disappeared from view. The little boy wandered back into the shack his family called home and sank down on his grimey mattress. If I had a wish, I'd ask the Genie to bring her back and to give us a big dude ranch, and lots of money. That way Ma wouldn't have to keep wearing her wedding dress every day. The Genie heard him, and with a sigh he appeared to the boy. "so, you want a dude ranch, eh?" "Oh, yes he pleaded, that way we would all be happy and Mildred would return and stay forever"

"OK, little guy, I'll grant that wish, but don't expect it to be as good as you immagine." In an instant, they were all relaxing on the patio of a luxurious dude ranch, circa 1945. Ma had a beautiful new dress, Pa was riding a golden Palomino, Mildred was baking pies, Ida was adding up expenses and the little boy was in heaven. Just out of ear-shot the Genie let out a whoop..."what fools these mortals be...etc, etc." No one had a clue what was waiting just over the rim of the hill. The minor tremor wasn't even noticed, and then......

Link to post
Share on other sites

GIANT

 

?blasts came from the other side and it was realized with horror that the sound was from real giants (gasp!) who were traipsing in and around the dude ranch very nearly crunching the palimino into mush. The giants were used to this as the genie often granted wishes on their territory. They usually stepped on the interlopers out of wariness. But this time one of the giants smelled a delicious pie and stopped his foot coming down on the house just in time. They would spare Ma, Pa, Mildred, and Ida (and the palomino) if they could have Mildred?s boysenberry pie everyday for dessert. Mildred gasped and realized that it would take 159 pies every meal and where would all the boysenberries come from? Mildred said, ?This looks like a job for Superman,? and called the Daily Planet and asked for Clark Kent. Clark made himself small and climbed into his cell phone and changed into Superman and like a speeding bullet arrived on the scene just as a giant was causing seismic disturbances by jumping up and down for want of pie. Superman began to remedy this situation with a...

?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
© 2021 Turner Classic Movies Inc. A Time Warner Company. All Rights Reserved Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Settings
×
×
  • Create New...