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Well, I went and did it.


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On 4/9/2020 at 10:00 PM, sewhite2000 said:

I want to make some kind of joke about hoping the screenplay doesn't use as many capital letters, but I've been trying to tone down on the sarcasm a bit ...

Seriously, congratulations  and best of luck with it moving forward!

ACTUALLY, lots of times to SHOW A MOMENT OF HIGH ACTION or when something like AN EXPLOSION or a SUDDEN OUTBURST happens in a screenplay- YOU REALLY DO USE ALL CAPS TO SHOW IT'S A BIG THING TAKING PLACE, which is probably why for the last year I HAVE BEEN ESPECIALLY BAD ABOUT CAPITALIZING SENTENCES OR THOUGHTS. in my posts.

SORRY.

(not really)

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4 hours ago, LornaHansonForbes said:

an irony of this is that my screenplay is- I **** you not- set in CZECHOSLOVAKIA and- while the script is in English- IN THE "STAGE DIRECTIONS" I OFTEN SPECIFY THAT certain characters at times are speaking  GERMAN, RUSSIAN, HUNGARIAN and ROMANI.

I even googled popular ROMANI phrases.

Interesting. So I assume it takes place before Czechoslovakia split into two countries. Despite my light-hearted

tone, anyone who completes a play, novel, or other work of literature to their own satisfaction is to be congratulated. 

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15 hours ago, Vautrin said:

Interesting. So I assume it takes place before Czechoslovakia split into two countries.

Yes it does. It is set in 1935/36, and I make a few jokes about what a strange, pressed-together mishmash of people the country is and how the trains never run on time and there is no sense of national identity. Honestly, it's more of a statement on AMERICA TODAY than CZECHOSLOVAKIA, 1936- but I'LL LET YOU IN ON A SECRET: I HAVE NEVER BEEN TO EASTERN EUROPE OR RUSSIA!

Totally pulled a lot of this out of my butt.

HITLER'S MADMAN (1943)- which I saw in DECEMBER 2016- was, in many ways, THE SPARK THAT LIT THE FIRE when it came to my idea; in fact, the fictitious village in my story is mentioned as being "40 miles from Lidice."

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16 hours ago, LornaHansonForbes said:

Yes it does. It is set in 1935/36, and I make a few jokes about what a strange, pressed-together mishmash of people the country is and how the trains never run on time and there is no sense of national identity. Honestly, it's more of a statement on AMERICA TODAY than CZECHOSLOVAKIA, 1936- but I'LL LET YOU IN ON A SECRET: I HAVE NEVER BEEN TO EASTERN EUROPE OR RUSSIA!

Totally pulled a lot of this out of my butt.

HITLER'S MADMAN (1943)- which I saw in DECEMBER 2016- was, in many ways, THE SPARK THAT LIT THE FIRE when it came to my idea; in fact, the fictitious village in my story is mentioned as being "40 miles from Lidice."

That time and place certainly makes for a lot of dramatic possibilities.

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8 hours ago, Vautrin said:

That time and place [CZECHOSLOVAKIA, 1936]  certainly makes for a lot of dramatic possibilities.

and- HEAR ME OUT on this- comedic ones as well.

There is a sort of sense of ISHERWOOD'S BERLIN STORIES/CABARET, ie the calm before the storm, aka The United States between November 8 and January 20 of 2016-17- IN THAT THERE WAS A SENSE OF IMPENDING DOOM AMID THE LAST BREATH OF DECADENCE AND FREEDOM.

I have a minor bit in it about various characters learning how to speak German in anticipation of what their future holds.

I'd like to think my story is like a  LUBITSCH movie with Nazis and vampires.

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21 hours ago, LornaHansonForbes said:

I hate Pinterest so much 

to expand on this-

one of the ODD THINGS that helped me VERY VERY MUCH in writing this was SKETCHING OUT SCENES FROM THE SCREENPLAY. I have B minus skills as an illustrator and, in drawing out some of the more ludicrous and improbable scenes- I would get ideas about dialogue or details I could add to make the scenario work.

I have made about 30 sketches or so, and I would actually very much like to share some here, BUT IT IS IMPOSSIBLE as this website says the pics on my phone are too big to post no matter how often i crop and compress them.

and then i tried uploading them to PINTEREST- which is ostensibly an IMAGE SHARING WEBSITE- so I could copy the image link for them and post them THAT way...AND HOLY **** ON A WHOLE WHEAT CRACKER IS THAT WEBSITE A COMPLETE AND UTTER PAIN IN THE *** WHEN IT COMES TO UPLOADING YOUR OWN PHOTOS. I HAVE NEVER HAD SUCH A TRIGGERING, MADDENING EXPERIENCE MADE ALL THE WORSE BY WATCHING SOME USELESS TUTORIALS ON HOW TO SIMPLY UPLOAD A GD PIC.

LITERALLY, THE BELOW IS A 100% ACCURATE PORTRAYAL OF ME TRYING FOR TWO HOURS TO FIND SOME WAY TO POST ONE SINGLE IMAGE IN THIS FORUM TO SHARE WITH YOU PEOPLE [and I don't even KNOW GERMAN!]

 

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1 hour ago, LornaHansonForbes said:

to expand on this-

one of the ODD THINGS that helped me VERY VERY MUCH in writing this was SKETCHING OUT SCENES FROM THE SCREENPLAY. I have B minus skills as an illustrator and, in drawing out some of the more ludicrous and improbable scenes- I would get ideas about dialogue or details I could add to make the scenario work.

I have made about 30 sketches or so, and I would actually very much like to share some here, BUT IT IS IMPOSSIBLE as this website says the pics on my phone are too big to post no matter how often i crop and compress them.

and then i tried uploading them to PINTEREST- which is ostensibly an IMAGE SHARING WEBSITE- so I could copy the image link for them and post them THAT way...AND HOLY **** ON A WHOLE WHEAT CRACKER IS THAT WEBSITE A COMPLETE AND UTTER PAIN IN THE *** WHEN IT COMES TO UPLOADING YOUR OWN PHOTOS. I HAVE NEVER HAD SUCH A TRIGGERING, MADDENING EXPERIENCE MADE ALL THE WORSE BY WATCHING SOME USELESS TUTORIALS ON HOW TO SIMPLY UPLOAD A GD PIC.

LITERALLY, THE BELOW IS A 100% ACCURATE PORTRAYAL OF ME TRYING FOR TWO HOURS TO FIND SOME WAY TO POST ONE SINGLE IMAGE IN THIS FORUM TO SHARE WITH YOU PEOPLE [and I don't even KNOW GERMAN!]

 

These boards also library every image you have EVER uploaded so you have to go back and delete them once you have used up whatever storage space the TCM MB Gods have deemed you are allowed to have.  It's often not the size of the image you are trying to upload (as I have found out the hard way) it's the cumulative amount of storage space you have used since you started posting images on the boards.

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1 hour ago, Joe Gillis said:

These boards also library every image you have EVER uploaded so you have to go back and delete them once you have used up whatever storage space the TCM MB Gods have deemed you are allowed to have.  It's often not the size of the image you are trying to upload (as I have found out the hard way) it's the cumulative amount of storage space you have used since you started posting images on the boards.

THANKS JOE.

BTW- My script is good, but it's no "BASES LOADED."

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9 hours ago, LornaHansonForbes said:

and- HEAR ME OUT on this- comedic ones as well.

There is a sort of sense of ISHERWOOD'S BERLIN STORIES/CABARET, ie the calm before the storm, aka The United States between November 8 and January 20 of 2016-17- IN THAT THERE WAS A SENSE OF IMPENDING DOOM AMID THE LAST BREATH OF DECADENCE AND FREEDOM.

I have a minor bit in it about various characters learning how to speak German in anticipation of what their future holds.

I'd like to think my story is like a  LUBITSCH movie with Nazis and vampires.

Just about anything can be funny, though not everybody will be along for the ride. I truly think the country will be

back to normal fairly quickly once Trumpy  Bear is gone. Of course it will take longer if the sentence is eight years

instead of four. I remember as a kid our teacher assigned the class to write their own play/puppet show, breaking

up the class into four or five groups. Our group came up with Dracula vs. The Beverly Hillbillies. The older I get,

the better it sounds.

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Around the early 2000’s I banged out my “masterpiece” screenplay and was on cloud nine. I entered every screenplay contest that was available, including Coppola’s Zoetrope and registered my screenplay with the Writers Guild of America. I was going to conquer the world but I soon found out it wasn’t very easy.

I spent probably a thousand dollars on stamps to mail an introductory letter about myself and my screenplay to every agency in Hollywood. I received back roughly a thousand dollars in stamped rejection notices.  My hopes were dashed and as with everything in life I moved onto something else and had a family and never went back to pursuing my achievement.

I admire anybody who creates something from nothing and for me just knowing that I created a 120 page screenplay is achievement enough. Good luck to all fellow creators out there.

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92586c543ea01f4decade89a34a272b4.jpg

THE SOLDIER AND THE VAMPIRE

(DELETED SCENE)

BASED ON A RUSSIAN FOLKTALE

INT- CATACOMBS BENEATH BALFOUR HOUSE
The MANY, MANY CHILDREN of BUNICA’S SONS are gathered in a circle facing A FABRIC SCREEN OF TAUTLY-PULLED GAUZE stretched BETWEEN TWO COLUMNS IN FRONT OF THE LIT FURNACE.  


A SHADOW PUPPET SHOW is about to begin.  


INT- GROUND BEHIND THE SCREEN
JAN AND PETR (the playmakers) crouch and fuss over their paper cut-out cast of characters; MADAME (a member of the troupe) stands ready to play THE NARRATOR of THE PIECE.  


VOLKA (a musician)  starts on VIOLIN and THE SHOW BEGINS.


MADAME
Many, many years ago in a brief respite between the wars, A SOLDIER was given a furlough to return home to visit his people who lived in the mountains of the East.


A SHADOW PUPPET of THE SOLDIER comes upon a SHADOW PUPPET of AN OLD WOMAN, who is sweeping ashes into the FIRE.  


THE SOLDIER
(voiced by Madame)
What ho, Grandmother, how much further have I to go before I reach the village of STAROSTA?


THE OLD WOMAN
(voiced by Jan)
It is not terribly far, just beyond the hills to the West, but it is late and you will not reach it before night falls, my son! Please, I BEG YOU, stay in my barn for the night- continue your journey home under the light of the sun and not the darkness of the night!


THE SOLDIER
Alas, Grandmother, I cannot! It has been MANY A MOON since I have seen my people and I can wait no longer.


THE OLD WOMAN
But, there are wolves in the mountains!


THE SOLDIER
I fear them not.


THE OLD WOMAN
There are Devils in the forest!


THE SOLDIER
Then I had best be on my way so as to make it to Starosta as soon as I can.


THE OLD WOMAN
My son, listen to me- God has chosen to punish US, the people of this VALLEY! A TERRIBLE WARLOCK who lived among us WAS KILLED by the village men. While in HELL, he outwitted SATAN, learned his tricks and RETURNED FROM THE GRAVE to TERRORIZE US. BY NIGHT, he DOES THINGS which make the very BAILIFFS WRETCH WITH FEAR! BY NIGHT, HE FEEDS ON THE BLOOD ON THE LIVING!


At that moment, THE SHADOW PUPPET of THE OLD WOMAN gets too close to the ACTUAL FIRE and goes up in a FOOSH! of flame. JAN screams in MOCK AGONY. (THE KIDS IN THE AUDIENCE LOVE IT!)


THE SOLDIER
A SOLDIER is A MAN of the CZAR, AND PROPERTY OF THE CZAR cannot be drowned in water, nor burned in fire! Now I will be off, GRANDMOTHER! I am anxious to see my people!


NARRATOR
And so the soldier wandered on; and as he reached the top of the hill- he came upon the VILLAGE GRAVEYARD overlooking the valley below. SUDDENLY, the sun WENT below the mountains, and THE SHADOWS OF THE NIGHT FELL FAST ACROSS THE LAND!
The sun sets and A FULL MOON RISES in SILHOUETTE OVER THE SHADOWS OF THE MANY GRAVESTONES.   
The violin becomes OMINOUS.
A SHADOWY FIGURE sits atop a gravestone by the fire.


THE SOLDIER
HAIL BROTHER!


THE VAMPIRE
(voiced by PETR)
What have you come here for?


THE SOLDIER
Why, I wished to see what you were doing, Brother.


THE VAMPIRE
Well, Brother, there is a wedding in the village in the valley below and I was readying myself to be on my way. Come, along brother, let us enjoy ourselves!
The SHADOW PUPPETS DEPART and arrive at a STATELY HOUSE in the center of a VILLAGE.


NARRATOR
And so they arrived at the wedding...


VOLKA’S violin makes merry music. Rows of CUT-OUT REVELERS and PARTY GUESTS waver back and forth to mimic the dancing. The BRIDE AND GROOM stand in the center of the scene by a fountain.


NARRATOR (CONT’D)
...where they were given drink and shown the upmost hospitality. And the Warlock drank and drank...


The VIOLIN becomes frenetic.


NARRATOR (CONT’D)
...AND drank and drank until he became POSSESSED by a FURY. He threw all the guests out of the house...


The kids in the audience are loving it. A clock begins to chime a LATE HOUR.  


NARRATOR (CONT’D)
And soon he put the BRIDE and GROOM into a DEEP, DEEP SLEEP- A SPELL which HE ALONE could break.
THE VAMPIRE stoops at the feet of the BRIDE AND GROOM, THE SOLDIER looks on.


NARRATOR (CONT’D)
He removed the couple’s shoes and from the heel of each of their feet, he drew a small amount of BLOOD, which he placed in separate glass phials and put into his coat pocket.
The BRIDE AND GROOM figures fall. The water in the fountain stops.


NARRATOR (CONT’D)
Having done this, he turned to the Soldier and said:


THE VAMPIRE
Now, brother, let us be off!


NARRATOR
And so they returned to the graveyard at the top of the hill...


The gravestones rise again.


SOLDIER
Tell me, Brother, how was it that you managed to enchant the bride and groom?


THE VAMPIRE
Through the dark powers which I have been granted by THE DEVIL, many secrets are known to me.


SOLDIER
Will they awaken?


THE VAMPIRE
Never. Unless someone should manage to take the phial of the Bride’s blood that is in my right-hand pocket and the phial of the Groom’s blood that I have in my left-hand pocket and pour it back into the wound from whence I bled it, then they will awaken. Unless that is done, the  couple will sleep forever.
(This actually sounds nice to one of the kids watching in the audience.)


THE VAMPIRE (CONT’D)
Whatever I wish, that I can do.


THE SOLDIER
I suppose then it must be quite impossible to get the better of you.


THE VAMPIRE
Not impossible. Were someone to locate my resting place during the daylight hours, then drag forth my body and place it on a pyre of hundreds of loads of Aspen boughs, and were to burn me on that pyre, then he would be able to get the better of me.


THE SOLDIER
That sounds simple enough.


THE VAMPIRE
Ah, but he would have to watch out, for at the heart of the fire, my body would BURST OPEN and SNAKES AND WORMS and ALL MANNER OF REPTILES would EMERGE. CROWS and MAGPIES and JACKDAWS would soar from the flames. RATS AND VERMIN and WINGED CREATURES OF THE NIGHT, SCALE AND TOOTH- WINGS AND CLAW would spill forth from the smoke. And were so much as A SINGLE MAGGOT not be crushed and tossed back into the fire, then my soul would escape with it, and I should return once more with even GREATER powers.  


THE SOLDIER
It sounds as though it is not a one-man job, Brother.


THE VAMPIRE
Indeed it is not, Brother.
(nonchalantly)
Nonetheless, I must now tear you to pieces. Otherwise you will be telling all of this, I’m sure.


THE SOLDIER
Do not deceive yourself, Brother. I serve none but THE CZAR and GOD!


NARRATOR
The Warlock GNASHED his teeth, HOWLED like a WOLF, and leapt for the THROAT OF THE SOLDIER, who drew his sword and stood READY!


The SHADOW PUPPETS FIGHT. The music picks up, the kids are going nuts.


NARRATOR (CONT’D)
The Warlock soon realized that he had underestimated this adversary, who managed to stave off his attacks until...


A ROOSTER CROWS.
GIVEN NO RECOURSE, THE VAMPIRE creeps back into one of the Graves, in full view of THE SOLDIER.


NARRATOR (CONT’D)
With the rising of the sun, the soldier managed to remove the phials from the coat pockets of the Warlock, and soon he was off to the village...
VOLKA plays a funeral dirge as the GRAVESTONES are replaced with the ROOFTOPS of the VILLAGE in the VALLEY BELOW.


NARRATOR (CONT’D)
There, he found that the festivities of the WEDDING had been replaced with the sad business of mourning for the enchanted couple, who could not be stirred from the SPELL OF THE VAMPIRE...


SOLDIER
If I can awaken the sleeping couple, what will you give me?


FATHER OF THE BRIDE
Half of everything that I own.


SOLDIER
Very well. Bring me to them.


Watching from the shadows and smoking a stogie, BUNICA (**the MARIA OUSPENSKAYA role of my work- LHF) nods with approval at this part of the story.  


NARRATOR
Upon his delivery to the sleeping pair, The Soldier brought forth the two phials of blood he had taken from the pockets of the Warlock’s body. He did as he was instructed, and the BRIDE and GROOM revived.
THE VIOLIN SINGS WITH JOY; the figures stand up, the fountain starts again.


NARRATOR (CONT’D)
The Soldier then enlisted the help of the grateful village, and the rest of the day was spent falling Aspen trees in the local forest.


EXT- HILLSIDE
A cut-out mob of villagers with logs and torches and rakes, hoes, axes and shovels proceeds up the hill.
The gravestones rise.
The fire in the furnace grows brighter and more intense.


NARRATOR (CONT’D)
And so, the body of the Warlock was dragged from his grave and placed on the pyre, with little daylight to spare...


The sun sinks low.


NARRATOR (CONT’D)
The fire was lit and the vampire was placed on it.


THE VIOLIN EMITS A DRAWN OUT, EeeeeeeeeeeeERIE NOTE.


NARRATOR (CONT’D)
And just as the Warlock promised, within a minute, his body burst open and worms and snakes and all manner of reptiles spilled out. Crows and magpies and jackdaws took flight. Moths and rats and creatures of the night poured forth from the blaze, but the villages stood ready. With their hoes and their shovels, they beat the birds down and flung them into the fire- letting not a single maggot get away bearing the soul of the VAMPIRE within it.


PAPER BIRDS are thrown into the audience of children, who LOVE IT and stomp them, tossing them into the fire.
It is QUITE a show, enjoyed by ALL
.


NARRATOR (CONT’D)
By nightfall, nothing was left but ash, and so The Warlock had been thoroughly consumed. And from that day forth, there was peace in the village.

 

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surprised no one has made any sex change jokes.

so, when i made my first post, i had ended my story and had it printed and bound- but in perusing all 204 pages (with illustrations and character guide), I came across about 30 errors (to be fair, this was down from 567 in the  first printed version.

Why is it that a typo can be STARING YOU RIGHT IN THE FACE FROM YOUR COMPUTER SCREEN and you do not see it until it shows up on PAPER YOU WENT AND PAID FOR???!!!

So, I took it and corrected the errors and crossed the i's and dotted the t's and then had that printed and bound, and in re-reading it, found only 5 or so minor mistakes.

which led me to realize HOW INCREDIBLY TYPO-RIDDEN SOME OF OUR FAVORITE MOVIES SHOOTING SCRIPTS MUST BE!! Especially since, if movies are to be believed, all scripts are written in the bathtub or on amphetimines or both and filled with last minute revisions.

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9 hours ago, LornaHansonForbes said:

Why is it that a typo can be STARING YOU RIGHT IN THE FACE FROM YOUR COMPUTER SCREEN and you do not see it until it shows up on PAPER YOU WENT AND PAID FOR???!!!

 

Poofreading is an inexact science. ;)

A semi-ancient proverb: "Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors on the way to the printer."

 

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10 hours ago, LornaHansonForbes said:

Why is it that a typo can be STARING YOU RIGHT IN THE FACE FROM YOUR COMPUTER SCREEN and you do not see it until it shows up on PAPER YOU WENT AND PAID FOR???!!!

I can't ever see errors in my posts here until I've submitted them. Then they jump out at me. Luckily, on here I can edit them.

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On 4/9/2020 at 8:18 AM, LornaHansonForbes said:

 Everything else I have written before was VERY MUCH GROUNDED IN THE REAL WORLD and i had to worry about making it believable, this has elements of fantasy and theater to it, and it also was a way for me to incorporate a life of being drawn to science fiction and classic horror movies.

and then, LO AND BEHOLD I WENT AND FINISHED THE GD THING.

Congratulations!

I love movies  set in the "real world" that incorporate elements of fantasy. 

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18 hours ago, HoldenIsHere said:

Congratulations!

I love movies  set in the "real world" that incorporate elements of fantasy. 

AND IT'S FUNNY, I have 238 pages of mess of the previous script I was working on (another reimagining of a classic film) to help me land easily after finishing this, but i am finding myself a little bummed by the "real world" (North Carolina, 1961) setting of it and not having such FANTASTICAL elements and characters to play with.

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On 4/19/2020 at 3:37 PM, HoldenIsHere said:

Congratulations!

I love movies  set in the "real world" that incorporate elements of fantasy. 

Let me guess. You REALLY LOVE Magic Realism.

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