Best of the Wisecrackers

[lydecker]

Any movie which has a few smart-a** wisecrackers in it gets major kudos in my book.  This brilliantly acerbic exchange between Ginger Rogers (Jean)  and Kate Hepburn (Terry) in "Stage Door" is one of my favorites:  

Jean: When does your baggage get here?
Terry: I'm expecting the bulk of it in the morning.
Jean: We could leave the trunks here and sleep in the hall. There's no use crowding the trunks.
Terry: I don't know what we're going to do when the wolfhounds arrive. I hope you don't mind animals.
Jean: Oh, not at all. I've roomed with a great many of them before.
Terry: Yes, I can see that.
Jean: (after smelling Terry's ermine wrap) Fresh kill?
Terry: Yes, I trapped them myself.
Jean: Do you mind if I ask a personal question?
Terry: Another one?
Jean: Are these trunks full of bodies?
Terry: (pointing to two of the trunks) Just those, but I don't intend to unpack them.
Jean: Well, I was just thinking if the room got too crowded, we could live in the trunks.
Terry: Yes, that's a good idea. You don't mind helping me unpack. Oh, I beg your pardon, you're not the maid, are you? 

 

What are some of your favorite wisecracks???

 

[Aritosthenes]

36 minutes ago, lydecker said:

Any movie which has a few smart-a** wisecrackers in it gets major kudos in my book.  This brilliantly acerbic exchange between Ginger Rogers (Jean)  and Kate Hepburn (Terry) in "Stage Door" is one of my favorites:  

Jean: When does your baggage get here?
Terry: I'm expecting the bulk of it in the morning.
Jean: We could leave the trunks here and sleep in the hall. There's no use crowding the trunks.
Terry: I don't know what we're going to do when the wolfhounds arrive. I hope you don't mind animals.
Jean: Oh, not at all. I've roomed with a great many of them before.
Terry: Yes, I can see that.
Jean: (after smelling Terry's ermine wrap) Fresh kill?
Terry: Yes, I trapped them myself.
Jean: Do you mind if I ask a personal question?
Terry: Another one?
Jean: Are these trunks full of bodies?
Terry: (pointing to two of the trunks) Just those, but I don't intend to unpack them.
Jean: Well, I was just thinking if the room got too crowded, we could live in the trunks.
Terry: Yes, that's a good idea. You don't mind helping me unpack. Oh, I beg your pardon, you're not the maid, are you? 

 

What are some of your favorite wisecracks???

 

Freaking +Awesome Thread Sir !,.

👏👍👍👏🍻🥂👏👏

-

I'll Start This Off ...

 

 

 

 

"You Know How to Whistle, - .. Dont You? .. ...You Put Your Lips Together and Blow ..."

- --

"Awww......  ...Outtahh, ..Bullets ...,! ...(?

*could never tell if this one was a question or (more of) a statement.. ..or both.

- --

"Think u used enough.. ..dynomite, there .. ,..Butch ,?" 

- --- --

(+Lots) More Later ..

[Herman Bricks]

They Drive by Night (1940)

Truckers Raft and Bogart enter the diner and sit at waitress Ann Sheridan's counter.

Raft: "Whaddaya got that ain't poisonous?"

Later, Sheridan expresses sympathy for how much Bogart misses his wife.

Raft: "I ain't got a wife."

Sheridan: "That's not hard to understand."

[hamradio]

Those Are My Principles, and If You Don’t Like Them…Well, I Have Others.

[SansFin]

George Carey: You be careful, madam, or you'll turn my pretty head with your flattery.

Kay Wilson: I often wished I could turn your head - on a spit, over a slow fire.

I Love You Again (1940)

[Aritosthenes]

10 hours ago, lydecker said:

Any movie which has a few smart-a** wisecrackers in it gets major kudos in my book.  This brilliantly acerbic exchange between Ginger Rogers (Jean)  and Kate Hepburn (Terry) in "Stage Door" is one of my favorites:  

Jean: When does your baggage get here?
Terry: I'm expecting the bulk of it in the morning.
Jean: We could leave the trunks here and sleep in the hall. There's no use crowding the trunks.
Terry: I don't know what we're going to do when the wolfhounds arrive. I hope you don't mind animals.
Jean: Oh, not at all. I've roomed with a great many of them before.
Terry: Yes, I can see that.
Jean: (after smelling Terry's ermine wrap) Fresh kill?
Terry: Yes, I trapped them myself.
Jean: Do you mind if I ask a personal question?
Terry: Another one?
Jean: Are these trunks full of bodies?
Terry: (pointing to two of the trunks) Just those, but I don't intend to unpack them.
Jean: Well, I was just thinking if the room got too crowded, we could live in the trunks.
Terry: Yes, that's a good idea. You don't mind helping me unpack. Oh, I beg your pardon, you're not the maid, are you? 

 

What are some of your favorite wisecracks???

 

"CanU DRIVE ..,? .."     - 

                                            "..Can YOU,, SHOOT?.,???.." ..

_

"THAT'SNOT a HEAT Lamp.. - ...That's ah BLINKER,.. ..'*!.. ...& to CLINTCH Matters..

 

...iRead, MorseCode,.,,'! " ..

(The Verbatim of this particular one .. ..might not be there..

 

..but the SENTIMENT IS ,.lol

[EricJ]

7 hours ago, hamradio said:

 

 (Horse-doctor Groucho gives horse-pill to Margaret Dumont)

Lawyer:  "Isn't that rather large for a pill?"
Groucho:  "Well, it was too small for a basketball, and we didn't know what to do with it...Say,  YOU'RE rather large for a pill yourself,  aren't you?"

- A Day at the Races

[lydecker]

From "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes:"

 

Lorelei Lee:  "Dorothy.  Mr. Esmond and I are getting married."

Dorothy Shaw:  "To each other?"

Gus Esmond:  "Of course to each other.  Who else to?"

Dorothy Shaw:  "Well, I don't know about you, Gus, but I always figured Lorelei would end up with the Secretary of the Treasury."

[Sepiatone]

Here's a good collection.   

 

And this quick one from the queen of wisecracks.   

Sepiatone

[Aritosthenes]

20 hours ago, lydecker said:

Any movie which has a few smart-a** wisecrackers in it gets major kudos in my book.  This brilliantly acerbic exchange between Ginger Rogers (Jean)  and Kate Hepburn (Terry) in "Stage Door" is one of my favorites:  

Jean: When does your baggage get here?
Terry: I'm expecting the bulk of it in the morning.
Jean: We could leave the trunks here and sleep in the hall. There's no use crowding the trunks.
Terry: I don't know what we're going to do when the wolfhounds arrive. I hope you don't mind animals.
Jean: Oh, not at all. I've roomed with a great many of them before.
Terry: Yes, I can see that.
Jean: (after smelling Terry's ermine wrap) Fresh kill?
Terry: Yes, I trapped them myself.
Jean: Do you mind if I ask a personal question?
Terry: Another one?
Jean: Are these trunks full of bodies?
Terry: (pointing to two of the trunks) Just those, but I don't intend to unpack them.
Jean: Well, I was just thinking if the room got too crowded, we could live in the trunks.
Terry: Yes, that's a good idea. You don't mind helping me unpack. Oh, I beg your pardon, you're not the maid, are you? 

 

What are some of your favorite wisecracks???

 

"Name,? 🤔"

 

  "BARF ,! .. 😀"

 

"FULL Name ,! ,?.. 😐😑🙄😬🤦‍♂️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️"

 

 

 

 

"Barfolomew ,!.!!! 😁😊😎🙂🙂🙂🤗"

[uncle charlie]

Lou: I’m not gonna marry a pretty girl, I’m gonna marry an ugly girl.

Bud: Why’s that Lou?

Lou: Well, a pretty girl’s liable to run away.

Bud: A homely girl is just as apt to run away.

Lou: Yeah but who cares?

[Tikisoo]

Thanks for this thread! Love love love Ginger, Blondell & Patsy Kelly wisecrackers! I have a terrible memory & have to write it down the moment it's said. Just watched STAGE DOOR....that exchange was gold.

I recall a double entendre in a Charlie Chan movie that had us rolling in the theater:

Gangster1: I'm not going to let some little Chinese d1ck ruin MY plans!

Gangster 2: Want me to rub him out?

(hope that's not too dirty for Otto)

[TomJH]

I recall going out to dinner with a woman in which I "borrowed" a lot of one liners from Rodney Dangerfield and Woody Allen which were sprinkled throughout the meal. She's lucky she didn't gag on her food with all the laughing she did. But one of the biggest laughs I got from her that evening was from a line I took from Groucho:

"When a woman has dinner with me I expect her to look me in the face. That's the price she has to pay."

[SansFin]

Libeled Lady (1936):

Bill Chandler: Afraid I wasn't concentrating. It was your eyes.
Connie Allenbury: Beautiful, aren't they?
Bill Chandler: They remind me...
Connie Allenbury: Yes. Yes, I know. Sparkling diamonds, deep sapphires.
Bill Chandler: No. No, they remind me of - angry marbles.

I Love You Again (1940):

Kay Wilson: I think we better have an understanding. I'm in this house simply because of our agreement - to convince the general public that I'm still your wife.
Larry Wilson aka George Carey: All right. Convince me - I'm one of the public.
Kay Wilson: Strikes me as a pretty foul thing to say about the public.

 

Paris When It Sizzles (1964):

Gabrielle: Mr. Benson?
Richard: You are, I assume, the young lady from the typing bureau?
Gabrielle: I am.
Richard: In that case, if we are to have a happy and harmonious relationship, I beg of you, never answer a question with a question. Is that clear?
Gabrielle: Did I?
Richard: There you go again, answering a question with a question. My original yes when you opened the door was a question, question mark implied of course. You do know the difference between implied and inferred?
Gabrielle: Isn't that a question?
Richard: [pauses] Yes.
Gabrielle: Well, you just answered my question with a question.

 

 

[Tikisoo]

Groucho is the king of snarky comments. One of the only good movie books to come out in the 70's was WHY A DUCK? edited by Richard Anobile because it's has the very best snippets of Marx Bros movie scripts.

I've used these:

Why not bore a hole in yourself & let the sap run out?

You haven't stopped talking since you got here. You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.

Coach: What are doing with that cigar in your mouth?

Groucho: What, you know another way to smoke it?

 

[midwestan]

From "The Thin Man"

Nora:  I didn't come all the way to New York so you could make me a widow.

Nick:  You wouldn't be a widow for long.

Nora:  You bet I wouldn't!

Nick:  Not with your money!

[EricJ]

5 hours ago, TikiSoo said:

Coach: What are doing with that cigar in your mouth?

Groucho: What, you know another way to smoke it?

Ambassador  (offended/insinuating):  Your Excellency, haven't we seen each other somewhere before?
Groucho: I don't think so--I'm not sure I'm seeing you now, it must have been something I ate.

- Duck Soup

[starliteyes]

Ziegfeld Girl (1941)

Jimmy Walters:  Soon as I saw you, I said to myself "that's a hot lookin' little number."

Sheila:  Don't let it throw you, champ.  I'm 20 degrees cooler than you think.

Jimmy Walters:  Ah, one of them refrigerator dames, huh?

Sheila:  That's right, and you're not the guy to defrost me either.

[BingFan]

This is one of the most entertaining threads I've run across in a long time (although there are many others).  I'm not surprised that Groucho has been mentioned prominently.   Here's a favorite of mine from A Night At The Opera:

Groucho and Margaret Dumont are having dinner together in a restaurant.

Waiter: Your check, sir.

Groucho: Nine dollars and forty cents?  This is an outrage.  [Throws the check across the table to Margaret.]  If I were you, I wouldn't pay it.

[lydecker]

Another one from "The Thin Man:"

Nick.  "I'm a hero.  I was shot twice in the Tribune."

Nora:  "I read where you were shot 5 times in the tabloids."

Nick.  It's not true.  He didn't come anywhere near my tabloids."

[starliteyes]

Torrid Zone (1940)

Lee Donley:  Mister, the stork that brought you must have been a vulture.

 

Footlight Parade (1933)

Vivian Rich :  It's three o'clock in the morning - where do you want me to go?  You cheap stenographer...

Nan Prescott:  Outside, countess.  As long as they've got sidewalks, you've got a job.

 

[EricJ]

46 minutes ago, starliteyes said:

Torrid Zone (1940)

Lee Donley:  Mister, the stork that brought you must have been a vulture.

 Curly:  "Oo, 'Special delivery', huh?"

- The Three Stooges,  Sock-a-Bye-Baby

Another one from "The Thin Man:"

Is it "After the Thin Man", where N&N go out to a New Year's Eve club, and Nick intrudes on a suspicious fight where one character is shoved into him?:

Nick:  "My, what BIG confetti they throw around here!"

[Janet0312]

No doubt. Groucho is the king.

[Leighcat]

 "You know, the first man that can think up a good explanation how he can be in love with his wife and another woman is gonna win that prize they're always giving out in Sweden.."

           Maggie, the cook, in " The Women"

[lydecker]

2 hours ago, starliteyes said:

Torrid Zone (1940)

Lee Donley:  Mister, the stork that brought you must have been a vulture.

 

Footlight Parade (1933)

Vivian Rich :  It's three o'clock in the morning - where do you want me to go?  You cheap stenographer...

Nan Prescott:  Outside, countess.  As long as they've got sidewalks, you've got a job.

 

2 of my favorite wisecracks ever!