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What romances do you just hate?


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What romances do you just hate, because the couple just doesn't work?  Since this is a movie forum, you can start with movies, but if you want to talk about television, theatres, radio programming, even video games, you can go on about it here. And also, presumably prose and poetry as well.  But the key thing is that the couple is just wrong, not that they're stuck in Cheesy science fiction parodied by Mystery Science Theater 3000.

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I can't say I 'hate' this alleged movie romance . . . but it just doesn't work on-screen.  In fact,  I'd be amazed if the filmmakers -- after looking at the dailies during filming -- weren't thinking "Oh, Lord, this really is NOT working . . . but what can we do?!?!"   APRIL IN PARIS (1952).   Doris Day and Ray Bolger are a monumentally unconvincing romantic couple.  Even Fuzzy Matt and J.Lo were (slightly) more convincing as a romantic couple in THE WEDDING PLANNER, which was also hampered by a serious lack of chemistry between the stars.   → Hell, even Bob Cummings and Ronald Reagan would've been a more convincing couple in KINGS ROW than are Ray and Doris in "April In Paris".   I recall the scene where Bob is looking at Ron like he's some kind of pastry while he's lying in the bad legless . . .  🤪

And so it goes.

 

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Whenever Audrey Hepburn is paired with a guy old enough to be her father.

With Bogart in SABRINA (she has more chemistry with William Holden).

With Gary Cooper in LOVE IN THE AFTERNOON (a major mismatch).

With Rex Harrison in MY FAIR LADY (another unconvincing pairing).

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Whenever John Wayne is teamed with almost any other actress than Maureen O'Hara.

(...the chemistry just isn't nearly up to the same degree)

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I didn't mind Audrey with those individuals.

I didn't care for Sally Field and Paul Newman (and I don't think they got along very well) in Absence of Malice.

Indiana Jones and Kate Capshaw in the 2nd film (the worst of the first three)

If we include TV Shows, Sam Malone was happy to have escaped from Diane Chambers (I think the cast was happy when she left)

There was a mystery with Jean Arthur and William Powell - didn't make a great duo

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1 hour ago, Dargo said:

Whenever John Wayne is teamed with almost any other actress than Maureen O'Hara.

(...the chemistry just isn't nearly up to the same degree)

I get that.  Like Wayne and  Elizabeth Allen in DONOVAN'S REEF.  Talk about May and December?   Seemed more JANUARY-DECEMBER to me!

Sepiatone

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3 hours ago, TopBilled said:

Whenever Audrey Hepburn is paired with a guy old enough to be her father.

With Bogart in SABRINA (she has more chemistry with William Holden).

With Gary Cooper in LOVE IN THE AFTERNOON (a major mismatch).

With Rex Harrison in MY FAIR LADY (another unconvincing pairing).

What about Charade?  Even Cary Grant was hesitant about that one.  I think it works, primarily because she's chasing after him (per Grant's suggestion/requirement for taking the role).  But he's definitely old enough to be her father.

I was never convinced these two had an affair:

A Perfect Murder, Hitchcock's Dial M For Murder, and the Rise of Feminism

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5 hours ago, chaya bat woof woof said:

Indiana Jones and Kate Capshaw in the 2nd film (the worst of the first three)

Every time core video-raised fans say "What was wrong with Temple of Doom?", I tell them about the days of sitting in a theater, and having to sit through Primitive Mating Rituals.  (In which the Howard the Duck writers fancy themselves as Grant & Hepburn screwball-romantic-comedists...  😣)  It is very EASY to believe that George Lucas and Steven Spielberg were both going through bad divorces while this movie was made.

I was recently watching Bus Stop (1956) on YouTube reaction, and while I can appreciate Marilyn trying to take a stab at real acting during her Strasberg days, turning the entire movie over to her being pursued by cowboy hick Don Murray didn't feel like a wistful "This's the best I'm going to get" relationship, so much as a very LONG episode of Beverly Hillbillies:  "Heheh, bad news, Miss Hathaway, Jethro wants to marry Marilyn Monroe!"

Don_Murray_and_Marilyn_Monroe_in_Bus_Sto

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Silver Linings Playbook was billed as a romantic comedy, but I was rooting for Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence to end up with each other only so that they wouldn't ruin the lives of any people I might actually like. I just wanted that pair of messed-up creeps to be far, far away from me.

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The romance which really makes me grimace is between Lana Turner and Ezio Pinza in Mr. Imperium (1951). Ouch. She played a popular American music star along the lines of Peggy Lee or Rosemary Clooney. Right. Who knows; Ezio Pinza may have been romantic as hell onstage in South Pacific, but in front of a movie camera he was a block of wood. I'm a Lana fan who will forgive her practically anything as long as I get to watch, but this one put even me over the edge. 

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35 minutes ago, DougieB said:

The romance which really makes me grimace is between Lana Turner and Ezio Pinza in Mr. Imperium (1951). Ouch. She played a popular American music star along the lines of Peggy Lee or Rosemary Clooney. Right. Who knows; Ezio Pinza may have been romantic as hell onstage in South Pacific, but in front of a movie camera he was a block of wood. I'm a Lana fan who will forgive her practically anything as long as I get to watch, but this one put even me over the edge. 

This film fell into the public domain. I don't think even MGM was happy with the results.

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Bogey & Lizbeth (sp?) Scott - she isn't Lauren B.

William Hurt and Holly Hunter in Broadcast News

In the prequels to the original Star Wars, I can't see Haydn C. and Natalie Portman (and Ewan M. is not Alec Guiness)

People mentioned the age difference in Sabrina, but how do people feel about Holden and Hepburn

As far as age goes, in Funny Face, she dances with an aging Fred Astaire, but I really don't care

 

 

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If we move beyond films, Brad and Jen.  Prefer Brad & Angie (though she had no chemistry with Matt Damon).  Speaking of which, I found zero chemistry between George Clooney and Julia Roberts in the Ocean Remake

Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling in La La Land.

Sidney Potier and Katherine Houghton (Hepburn's niece?) in Guess Who's Coming to Dinner.

 

 

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most disgusting romance for me is Humphrey Bogart and Mary Astor in The Maltese Falcon. How can you admire a gumshoe who falls in love with a cold-blooded murderess?...

and I'm sorry astor is not that pretty.

:)

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30 minutes ago, NipkowDisc said:

most disgusting romance for me is Humphrey Bogart and Mary Astor in The Maltese Falcon. How can you admire a gumshoe who falls in love with a cold-blooded murderess?...

and I'm sorry astor is not that pretty.

:)

I do agree and have long had the same opinion.  Maybe Astor was cute when younger, but in MALTESE FALCON appeared to be more suited in a role as Andy Hardy's high school  principal. Or Myrna Loy's older sister in some other flick.  Even Miles Archer's wife(Gladys George) was way better looking, even at two years older than Astor.

Sepiatone

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I don't feel the chemistry between James Garner and Sally Field in Murphy's Romance (1985).  I also don't feel the appropriate "unchemistry" between Brian Kerwin (who plays the ex-husband who is something of a rounder) and Sally Field.  I like Garner, and he has the right amount of sex appeal in the movie as a mature man who still has interest in romance, but for me, the other two fall flat in their respective roles.

I also never felt any heat between Alan Alda's Hawkeye Pierce in M*A*S*H (1972-1983) and any of the nurses he kissed. Maybe because it was television in the 70s, maybe because (in my view) Alda has the sex appeal of a codfish. No disrespect to Alda. No disrespect to codfish.

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8 hours ago, chaya bat woof woof said:

People mentioned the age difference in Sabrina, but how do people feel about Holden and Hepburn

As far as age goes, in Funny Face, she dances with an aging Fred Astaire, but I really don't care

I don't find her believable with Astaire in that movie. 

But she's very good with Holden in SABRINA and in PARIS WHEN IT SIZZLES.

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I stated in another thread quite some time ago that I never found Wendell Corey to be a convincing romantic partner in any film where he's supposed to be one.

As far as real life goes, I've never gotten why Bogart and Bacall are supposed to be the great Hollywood love story.  For tragic you've got Gable and Lombard, and there are any number of very long-term romances out there.

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17 minutes ago, TopBilled said:

But she's very good with Holden in SABRINA and in PARIS WHEN IT SIZZLES.

Of course, she had an affair with Holden in real life, I think, which may account for that. He was 11  years older than her, which may not quite cross over the "ewww, gross" threshhold.

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3 minutes ago, sewhite2000 said:

Of course, she had an affair with Holden in real life, I think, which may account for that. He was 11  years older than her, which may not quite cross over the "ewww, gross" threshhold.

I don't consider Audrey Hepburn a very good actress. So maybe she works with Holden in those two movies because she was basically emoting how she felt about him in real life, at the time.

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Spade is on the sleazy side himself, so I can see him having an interest in Bridget O'Wonderly,

at least for a while, even despite her (very transparent) blushing school girl routine. 

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I enjoyed the implied romance in The Maltese Falcon between Elisha Cook Jr. and Peter Lorre.  No one has mentioned gay couples.

Also, Woody Allen sees himself as some sort of sexual magician.  While I think he has good chemistry with Diane Keaton, the romance with Mariel Hemingway was cringeworthy (parallels his real life).

Paris When it Sizzles was terrible.

Speaking of Sabrina, Harrison Ford and Julia Ormand in the remake had no chemistry.  Plus, Julia is now some dippy photographer instead of a chef.  I empathized with Audrey's character when she was at the cooking school.  Wanted to learn how to crack an egg with one hand, make a souffle (sp?), etc.  The winner of Top Chef won $250,000 bucks - that isn't chump change.  And female chefs are still being discriminated against.

FYI - Interesting tidbit.  When a book came out a few years ago about Mary Astor, the NY Times Book Review got in trouble for letting Woody Allen review it.

I agree about Gable & Lombard but these are two different cases.

In real life, Mickey Rooney and Ava Gardner?  Of course, they both weren't the nicest people in real life.

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1 hour ago, chaya bat woof woof said:

I enjoyed the implied romance in The Maltese Falcon between Elisha Cook Jr. and Peter Lorre.  No one has mentioned gay couples.

Also, Woody Allen sees himself as some sort of sexual magician.  While I think he has good chemistry with Diane Keaton, the romance with Mariel Hemingway was cringeworthy (parallels his real life).

Paris When it Sizzles was terrible.

Speaking of Sabrina, Harrison Ford and Julia Ormand in the remake had no chemistry.  Plus, Julia is now some dippy photographer instead of a chef.  I empathized with Audrey's character when she was at the cooking school.  Wanted to learn how to crack an egg with one hand, make a souffle (sp?), etc.  The winner of Top Chef won $250,000 bucks - that isn't chump change.  And female chefs are still being discriminated against.

FYI - Interesting tidbit.  When a book came out a few years ago about Mary Astor, the NY Times Book Review got in trouble for letting Woody Allen review it.

I agree about Gable & Lombard but these are two different cases.

In real life, Mickey Rooney and Ava Gardner?  Of course, they both weren't the nicest people in real life.

1.  I think the implication was more Elisha Cook and Greenstreet.

2.  Several of Woody Allen's on screen romances seemed odd and misfitted, but that was the point.  You know....  relationships based on commonalities and not physical attraction.  Or based on the maxim; "The heart wants what the heart wants."

3.  This thread isn't about movie critiques.  But that Holden/Hepburn connection was more odd than in Sabrina IMHO.

4.  I think Gable and Lombard made a wonderful couple.  And they did really love one another deeply.  And let's just keep this about movie romances.  Which brings up....

5.  I don't really know(because I've never met him) how nice or not Mickey Rooney was in real life.  But nice enough to catch EIGHT wives, but maybe not nice enough to keep 'em.  ;) 

Sepiatone

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