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The amount of money someone would have to pay me to get me to sit through HALLOWEEN KILLS (2021)


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disclaimer: this is an opinion piece, and while it is a critical opinion piece, it is not malicious...although it's about a highly malicious (ALTHOUGH admittedly beloved) film series, so remember that before any of you get all puckered up or indignant about anything you read here.

also in re: THE THREAD TITLE: Yes, thank you, I am aware NO ONE is paying me to do ANYTHING, this is a pure hypothetical, with an honest answer on my part, and I use it to voice my personal view on what the HALLOWEEN SERIES has become.

$300.00**

**(Tax free. American, CASH. And you get me high beforehand.)

Seriously, I wouldn't see it for a ****ing dime less than that, and I am by no means a wealthy PERSON.

I gave it some thought, and $200 is not enough,

I thought about accepting $200.00, but I then I remember the line "I have peanut butter on my P. Nis" from 2018's HALLOWEEN, and I want to jack the price up to $350.00 or ask for a nice deli spread to snack on while I watch,

(takes a deep breath here)

by the way

 I have a hard time tempering my anger when discussing it, but...

the 2018 re-re-re-boot of HALLOWEEN  is ONE OF THE WORST G**D*MNED MOVIES I HAVE EVER EVER EVER EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE, and the genuine NADIR of the series, (and this comes from someone who has developed quite a deep and abiding affection for HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH over time!!!!!)

in fact, i would go so far as to say that 2018 ROTTED PUMPKIN HALLOWEEN WITH BENJAMIN FRANKLIN JAMIE LEE CURTIS is one of my least favorite films EVER.

IT IS ONE OF THOSE FILMS THAT REMINDS ME WHY I DON'T DO MOVIES MADE IN THE 21ST CENTURY.

 

 

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I have no plans to watch HALLOWEEN KILLS.  Period. 

Here's the deal:  I will only watch the original HALLOWEEN (1978) on my MEDIA Home Entertainment VHS tape.  It is simply a transfer of a theatrical film print with the 'Compass International' logo at the start.  There are some hisses, pops and scratches -- which gives off an eerier vibe since it's not cleaned up in any way.  The movie was only a couple of years old when the MEDIA VHS was released in 1980 so there was no need for re-mastering.

As far as HALLOWEEN III:  SEASON OF THE WITCH . . . I'd like to like it more, but there's at least 1 plot •hole• you can drive a truck thru and there's really no way for me to suspend my disbelief due to the time zone differences across America when the sinister commercial comes on.  'nuff said. 

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I saw HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH once, and that was enough for me.

The scene of that poor kid wearing that mask when all hell breaks loose once he watches the commercial is too disturbing for me. I can't bring myself to watch it again.

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8 minutes ago, Mr. Gorman said:

HALLOWEEN III is all about THE BUGS! 

Little filthy urchins getting killed by mean ol' bugsters! 

Um, THE SNAKES might like a word with you...

(I’m on my phone so I can’t post any pics, But don’t sell the snakes short, The bugs may out number them, but the snakes do their fair share)

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21 minutes ago, Bethluvsfilms said:

I saw HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH once, and that was enough for me.

The scene of that poor kid wearing that mask when all hell breaks loose once he watches the commercial is too disturbing for me. I can't bring myself to watch it again.

Even today, HALLOWEEN III is one of the sickest, most twisted studio films ever released. There are two reactions among viewers- yours (Which is the healthy reaction, i.e. I never want to see this piece of trash again) and THE STOCKHOLM SYNDROME Which envelops the rest of us...

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1 minute ago, Mr. Gorman said:

BOO!  HISSSSSSSSS!  🐍🐍🐍

For the record it’s not just the bugs and snakes that make Halloween III so disturbing: the music is absolutely unsettling, as is the cinematography and the locations.

It is a depraved film.

I keep meaning to buy it on DVD...

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3 hours ago, LornaHansonForbes said:

**also, if any of you fellow devotees of HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH know of a good, cheap therapist who takes BRONZE LEVEL OBAMACARE, send me a PM.

the female tech who got drilled by the cochran robot had nice hair and was very hot...much more than stacey nelkin.

somewhere connal cochran's spirit is being tortured daily by little buddy!

:D

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@LORNA:  It *is* a depraved film, to be sure.  The plot hole involving the Time Zones, however, takes away some of its enjoyment to me.  Except there's no way around it. 

I do have a spare MCA VHS of "Halloween III".  It'll only cost you $666.66.  Devil Numbers!  😈💰   I take checks or Devil Orders.  'nuff said.  🤪 

 

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1 hour ago, Bethluvsfilms said:

I saw HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH once, and that was enough for me

Well it's been nearly 40 years and I felt that way then and still do...  but, I'm not saying I wouldn't look at it again.  I'm just not inclined to. 

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I actually watched Halloween III on HBO when I was in middle school, and I didn't mind it. I was surprised it had nothing o do with Michael Myers. I actually haven't seen most of the "canonical" films, including the original. I think I also saw the one with Paul Rudd on HBO. That was Halloween 6 maybe.

I did watch Halloween 20 or whatever it was called, the first to bring Jamie Lee Curtis back and one that also had her mother Janet Leigh in a small role. I kind of liked the acting in that one, until Michael started killing everybody. And then somehow I saw the sequel to that one, the one where Jamie Lee gets killed in the first 10 minutes, and then the rest of the movie, as I vaguely recall, was rapper Busta Rhymes vs. Michael Myers. That was the impetus for an entry I was contemplating making in the "Talking Back to the Screen Thread", because everybody in the theater was doing it except for me.

THEN I saw that Rob Zombie reimagining of the original movie, which was interesting for a while but couldn't sustain its momentum.

And yes, most recently I saw the 2018 reboot. I was intrigued only by the ideas that 1) It was tossing out of continuity every other movie except the original, which meant they could bring Jamie Lee back, and they could say she and Michael weren't siblings, an idea that wasn't introduced until Halloween II, apparently (although the Rob Zombie remake supposedly of the original movie said they were brother and sister); and 2) I was intrigued by the use of director David Gordon Green, who'd helmed some interesting indie films in the early aughts and who gave us the stoner classic Pineapple Express, and his co-writer Danny McBride. Needless to say, they didn't exactly revolutionize the genre. I was still your standard slasher film.

This little trip down memory lane reminds me I've seen more Halloween films than I realized. Will I go see the new one? I don't know. I've seen the trailer and the TV commercials and am not thrilled by the idea that the action picks up immediately after the end of the last one. I'm usually not crazy about those kinds of sequels.

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3 hours ago, LornaHansonForbes said:

It is a depraved film.

I keep meaning to buy it on DVD...

Why?  It's on Blu-ray and 4K:  https://www.amazon.com/Halloween-III-Season-Collectors-Blu-ray/dp/B0089N4G50/   🎃💀

 And yes, John Carpenter pioneered the use of creepy synth in 80's horror, and is arguably one of the great minimalist film composers, director or not--Even if just for the opening chase, aka "Chariots of Pumpkins":

 

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13 hours ago, sewhite2000 said:

 

I did watch Halloween 20 or whatever it was called, the first to bring Jamie Lee Curtis back and one that also had her mother Janet Leigh in a small role. I kind of liked the acting in that one, until Michael started killing everybody. And then somehow I saw the sequel to that one, the one where Jamie Lee gets killed in the first 10 minutes, and then the rest of the movie, as I vaguely recall, was rapper Busta Rhymes vs. Michael Myers. That was the impetus for an entry I was contemplating making in the "Talking Back to the Screen Thread", because everybody in the theater was doing it except for me.

THEN I saw that Rob Zombie reimagining of the original movie, which was interesting for a while but couldn't sustain its momentum.

And yes, most recently I saw the 2018 reboot. I was intrigued only by the ideas that 1) It was tossing out of continuity every other movie except the original, which meant they could bring Jamie Lee back, and they could say she and Michael weren't siblings, an idea that wasn't introduced until Halloween II, apparently (although the Rob Zombie remake supposedly of the original movie said they were brother and sister); and 2) I was intrigued by the use of director David Gordon Green, who'd helmed some interesting indie films in the early aughts and who gave us the stoner classic Pineapple Express, and his co-writer Danny McBride. Needless to say, they didn't exactly revolutionize the genre. I was still your standard slasher film.

This little trip down memory lane reminds me I've seen more Halloween films than I realized. Will I go see the new one? I don't know. I've seen the trailer and the TV commercials and am not thrilled by the idea that the action picks up immediately after the end of the last one. I'm usually not crazy about those kinds of sequels.

THANK YOU! What a great post!

HALLOWEEN WATER aka HALLOWEEN H20 is the 20 years later sequel done in 1998. I was very very very disappointed then, and am even moreso now that it has been "retconned" out of existence by MULTIPLE SUBSEQUENT FILMS (it's a little insulting), making it even more of a baldfaced cashgrab than it already was...it is a stunningly short film- it is about an hour and twenty minutes long, and it has a lengthy prologue (a la SCREAM), so it passes by like nothing...it's also worth noting that it was a MIRAMAX FILM and I am sure HARVEY WEINSTEIN got his mitts all over it...but even without his interference, it's just not good, and not helped by the casting or the story, which lazily relocates the action to CALIFORNIA so that they could film in THE HOLLYWOOD HILLS.

 

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13 hours ago, sewhite2000 said:

 I was intrigued by the use of director David Gordon Green, who'd helmed some interesting indie films in the early aughts and who gave us the stoner classic Pineapple Express, and his co-writer Danny McBride. Needless to say, they didn't exactly revolutionize the genre. I was still your standard slasher film.

This little trip down memory lane reminds me I've seen more Halloween films than I realized. Will I go see the new one? I don't know. I've seen the trailer and the TV commercials and am not thrilled by the idea that the action picks up immediately after the end of the last one. I'm usually not crazy about those kinds of sequels.

I ruined my morning. I was going to be sporting and post the trailer for HALLOWEEN KILLS (2021) in this thread, and I went to youtube to watch it before I did so, and I have an announcement to make:

THE CASH MONEY VALUE IT WOULD TAKE ME TO SIT THROUGH THIS THING, NOW THAT I HAVE SEEN THE TRAILER, IS $1000 (US). DEADA$$. And I say this as someone who owes A LOT on credit cards and also really needs some new shoes.

I can't in good conscience post it here, it has graphic scenes of a woman being stabbed in the throat with a broken flourescent bulb, murdered children on a playground wearing SILVER SHAMROCK masks in a ham-fisted homage to HALLOWEEN III (one thing that ESPECIALLY IRKS me about these modern remakes and reboots is how hard they work at really insulting and sullying the source material, and in this case, the source material was sullied enough.) It also has the line "EVIL DIES TONIGHT" which makes me queasier in retrospect than everything else I saw.

LITERALLY, MY BLOOD PRESSURE IS UP FROM IT.

IT WAS UTTER DRECK.

re: DANNY MCBRIDE I live in WILMINGTON NORTH CAROLINA where they filmed this piece of trash and a few other things he has done. I keep wondering if maybe I'll run into him somewhere and at least get the chance to flip him off for getting paid to write things like this and get them made while I am sure I will die at 52, alone and unloved, a stack of unpublished scripts gathering dander beside my air mattress on the floor of my room in the "U-Store It." with numerous feral cats nipping at my feet .

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I haven't watched any of the Halloween movies in years, and then I've only seen Halloween I and II. Being too lazy to research this myself, my question is - The first Halloween was made in 1978. I believe at the time Myers was 30 and had been in a mental hospital since 1963?  So wouldn't that make him 73 now? Unless he is chasing people on a scooter, I don't see how he could be a threat to anybody. So the question is - Is him being an ambulatory violent criminal at an advanced age ever addressed? Thanks for tolerating and maybe answering my ignorant question.

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3 minutes ago, LsDoorMat said:

I haven't watched any of the Halloween movies in years, and then I've only seen Halloween I and II. Being too lazy to research this myself, my question is - The first Halloween was made in 1978. I believe at the time Myers was 30 and had been in a mental hospital since 1963?  So wouldn't that make him 73 now? Unless he is chasing people on a scooter, I don't see how he could be a threat to anybody. So the question is - Is him being an ambulatory violent criminal at an advanced age ever addressed? Thanks for tolerating and maybe answering my ignorant question.

not a problem at all, in fact, it's a great question. MICHAEL MYERS in the 2018 HALLOWEEN is in HIS SIXTIES, there is a line about it in the script. And I am pretty sure they hired the original actor who played the part in 1978.

 

edit:

How Old Michael Myers Is In Halloween 2018 | Screen Rant

  • Estimated Reading Time: 4 mins
Since Halloween (2018) ignores all the films after Halloween (1978), and is said to take place 40 years after Michael escaped from Smith's Grove, this confirms that director David Gordon Green's semi-reboot is set in its year of release, 2018. This means that Michael Myers is 61-years-old in Halloween (2018).
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**I note that in the 2018 film and this 2021 film, they have MICHAEL MYERS doing things (lifting people up, running, jumping, surviving all sorts of trauma) that a 61 year old man who has done nothing but sit or stand IMMOBILE in a mental hospital for 40 years quite simply cannot do, and that's not ageism- it's just straight up BIOLOGY.

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its worth noting that, while it made $160 million the US alone and got 80% audience approval (whatever that is worth), 2018 HALLOWEEN  has a decidedly middling  imdb rating- it only got 6.5 (out of 10) (and imdb is kinda infamous for questionably high ratings for films)

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1502407/?ref_=fn_al_tt_2

edit: and here is the page with the one star reviews (which i heartily agree with)

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1502407/reviews?sort=userRating&dir=desc&ratingFilter=1

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I really went down the rabbit hole reading the bad reviews for HALLOWEEN 2018, which I think I have done before.

The 1-4 ratings (out of 10) seem so much more effusive and passionate than the high ratings. there were some accusations that some of the high ratings were fakes, and I hasve to say- from reading some of them, it does kind of seem this way.

Also, HALLOWEEN KILLS has been sitting "on the shelf" for a looooooong time, since at least October 2020, which is a sign (Pandemic aside) that it might be even more of a mess than its predecessor)

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Back from another rabbit hole, this time reading the 1-4 star reviews of HALLOWEEN KILLS, of which there are many and most are rather effusive (they also hit upon a lot of the same criticisms: the terrible script, a terrible ending, lack of logic, convoluted visuals and direction, unnecessary comedy, an offensive subplot about a gay couple who buy the Myers house, an exceptionally poor performance from ANTHONY MICHAEL HALL as a grown TOMMY DOYLE, the repeated chorus of the stupid line "EVIL DIES TONIGHT" and a singularly unpleasant performance from JAMIE LEE CURTIS, who actually took a brunt of criticism for both making her character so unpleasant and having a minimal presence in the film (a a RESURRECTION.) And it's worth noting of many of the 5, 6 and 7 star reviews were not exactly kind.**

so, it'll probably make $50 million this weekend and who knows how much on STREAMING (sounds like a lot of people got a trial of PREMIUM PEACOCK in order to view this turkey at home.)

and I'm sure DAVID GORDON GREEN and the EASTBOUND AND DOWN guy are hard at work as we speak ****ing up a HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH REBOOT THAT NO ONE ASKED FOR for a 2024 release.

**and it also bears mentioning that quite a few of the 9-10 star reviews are from first time users and they are all the same length and they also say a lot of the same things, ie "this is the film HALLOWEEN FANS have been waiting for!!!!" without telling us exactly why this is so....so forgive me if I am dubious as to their authenticity....nonetheless, I reiterate my claim this'll make at least $50 million this weekend.

 

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