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20th Century Vole Presents


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*Pandora and the Flying Buttress*

 

Pandora is getting bored with seducing all the eligible men around her, and demanding sacrifices from them, to receive her charms. One day, walking by an old church, she decides upon a truly great test of her charms. She will try to seduce a flying buttress, hoping to melt its heart of stone!

 

Every day, for weeks, she visits the buttress, lavishing her attentions on it. Finally, the buttress succumbs to her allure. She demands that it cease supporting the wall of the church, to show that it cares only for her. Smitten, the buttress cannot resist. It releases the wall. The wall falls, crushing them both.

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Just give him one more chance. Wait until you hear the riff he does on Cherry.

You'll laugh your a s s off.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Redd River*

 

 

After a hard day on the trail, the cowhands like a little

entertainment, but they're tired of some gap-toothed

old timer playing the harmonica. So Monty decides to hire

Redd Foxx, making him the first African-American comic to

play the Chisholm Trail. When Redd does some of his raunchier

material it upsets the Duke, and after a tangle with Monty,

John is sent packing.

 

 

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C'mon Pete baby, you'll dig this tune.

 

 

Who can take some grass,

Sprinkle it with dust,

Sort out all the seeds and stuff,

The Reefer Man,

The Reefer Man can,

The Reefer Man can,

Cause he mixes it with love,

And makes the world feel good.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Pepper and Salt of the Earth*

 

 

Rat Packers Sammy and Peter head down to New Mexico where

they hear they can score some primo weed just across the border

in Mexico. They use a miner's strike to cover their real activities,

and get their smoke in time. Peter is happy, Sammy too, "Yeah man,

solidarity forever until we get our stuff." Soundtrack album includes

Sammy's hit song The Reefer Man.

 

 

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Hey, mind your own damn business. My daughter will listen to whoever she pleases. And by the way, my other daughter's skirt length is age and height appropriate. Busybody.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*The Effects of Martha Raye on Men Who Moon Marigolds*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A lonely child with an embarrassingly eccentric mother tries to

find solace in her school science project. She observes that when

Martha Raye's voice is heard men who moon marigolds increase

their mooning activities. The voices of Kate Smith and Carol

Channing have so such effect. Though she hoped to win a prize,

instead she is given a three day suspension. Sometimes the world

is just not ready for a breakthrough scientific theory.

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*OF MICE AND MENSCH*

 

Itinerant farm hands George and Lennie are on a quest to become the best they can be, whether a mouse or a mensch they have yet to find out. George, ever the cynic and philosopher, feels that by helping and supporting his slower-witted buddy Lennie, he is on his way to becoming a true mensch.

Lennie is more concerned with settling down on a farm of their own, as long as it is filled with soft and fluffly creatures.

They find work at a rabbit ranch, but their happiness is short-lived.

 

Disaster strikes when Lennie, in a misguided attempt to befriend the harsh and arrogant ranch owner's son, asks him if he thinks of himself as a mouse, a mensch, or a rabbit. Poor Lennie is somewhat confused, but the ranch owner, having never heard the term "mensch" before, takes offence and threatens to drive Lennie and George off the ranch.

The two flee the rabbit ranch to escape the owner's rage, and Lennie is heard to plea to George as they scramble to hide in the bushes,

"But George, I mensch well..."

 

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"We'll never become true mensches in this

rabbit hole, Lennie. And by the way, stop asking

everyone if they understand Yiddish."

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photo-Attaque-au-Cheyenne-Club-The-Cheye

 

 

 

-Okay, er, let's see now...Doc Hollister's Ramrod and Prune Juice Bowel Relief Elixir. Hmmm...so, umm, this stuff is sort of...well ya know...give me some relief. Now is that so?

-Sure will. Clean ya out like a stick of dynamite.

-Like a what? Gee...um..well...I don't know about that.

-What ya think I'm doing right now.

-You mean...er...you're...Now wait just one minute here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*The Cheyenne Social Disease Club*

 

 

 

 

 

Two old semi-grizzled cowpokes believe they have inherited a

top flight bordello with a bevy of voluptuous "employees." But

when they finally get to Wyoming, they find instead a run down

syphilis hospital full of male pensioners who have the clap. Oh,

the humanity.

 

 

 

 

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> {quote:title=OtisCriblecoblis wrote:}{quote}...

>

> It's too hard being a mensch. I'm just a Mensch.

Is "m e n s c h " supposed to be capitalized? Sorry, I didn't know. Otis, you're such a Mensch.

 

(ps- You don't have to read Steinbeck's novel. They've made at least two movie renditions of Mice and Men. Being the film connaisseur you are, I'm surprised you haven't seen at least one version.)

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A lot of Yiddish words come from German, and in German Mensch

simply means man, without the added meaning that mensch entails.

 

I might have seen the original movie a long time ago, I'm not sure. I like to

read the book first, because the movie will always leave things out and

fall short of the book.

 

 

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*North by North Wurst*

 

Businessman is mistaken for a spy carrying a radioactive sausage. While trying to catch up to the real spy, to get the bad guys off his back, he meets a beautiful blonde on a train. Just so happens she is working with the bad guys, and would like to know where he would hide his radioactive sausage. Their adventures lead them to Mt. Rushmore, believing that the radioactive sausage is stuffed up the nose of a President. But, which one?

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Hmmmm...ya know VX, I'm sorry(and maybe a little embarrassed) to admit that THAT wasn't exactly where I thought that storyline was headed at the end there!!! ;)

 

(...but seein' as how this IS a family-oriented website, I supposed I can understand it!) :D

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Yeah sweetie you're right, the red neckerchief means I'm not interested in

girls, and that really is a rifle in my pocket, though how it got in my pocket

I'll never know. Hon, why don't you go back to that guy with the big camera

in San Francisco. Maybe one of these days we'll run into each other on Castro.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Mogumby*

 

 

The Great Green Hunter is tracking the little seen Gumby of Africa.

During his trek he runs across Ava Gardner and Grace Kelly, who are

retiring from the picture business to become missionaries. Clark can't

decide which one he wants to romance, and while he is dithering,

Gumby and Pokey steal them both away, leaving Clark alone with

his mustache and a fetching native guide.

 

 

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Listen, do you want to know a secret? I mean a really big

one, way bigger than your eyebrows? I'm really....Ants!!!!!

Giant Ants headed this wa............................................

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Gi-Ant*

 

When James Dean drills deep into the hill country soil he upsets

a colony of huge Texas-size ants. It doesn't faze him, but it

p.o. s Rock since the humungous ants start to feed on his cattle.

Both Rock and Liz realize there is little they can do at the present

time to stop the ants, but they hope that a future Benedict, maybe

Luz IV, will find a way to get rid of them.

 

 

 

 

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Babe, you'd be surprised how good that damn ant looks in a tux.

And I've got just about everything we need for the reception. Just

have to order a thousand pounds of sugar and 50 jars of honey.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Gi-Ant II: The Final Picnic*

 

 

Fifty years after the invasion of the giant ants, things have calmed

down a bit, and the Benedicts have learned to live with the ants.

They have even gone a step further. Luz VII is engaged to one and

hopes to produce the first ant-human offspring. But some people are

still antists and Bink V gets into a fight with one of them at the local

Big Boy. He gets pounded, but he is proud to have stood up for his

formic friends.

 

 

 

 

 

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Who's the black private dick,

That's an espresso machine to all the chicks. (Shaft!)

 

Who's the 150th Street dude,

Scarfing down all the fancy food. (Shaft!)

 

Who's the brother with the gun in his pocket,

Givin' all the ladies a ride on his rocket. (Shaft!)

 

Yeah Shaft, he's one bad mother...(Shut yer piehole)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Schrafft*

 

 

Black private dick John Shaft is hired by Harlem kingpin Albert

"Collard" Greene to make sure that Mafia boss Anthony "Tony

Pro Am" Prosciutto doesn't rip off Greene's lucrative drug

trade, which is centered in the back kitchens of Schraffts'

restaurants. Shaft muscles out the mob and is rewarded with

a box of Schrafft's English Toffee, which is where Albert keeps

his heroin. Street value, $50,000. Shaft is one happy dude.

 

 

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Don't worry, old chap. To me, Watson, you'll always be the woman.

Now think Watson, how are we going to get those poppers to the other side of London?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Sherlock Holmes and the Closet of Fear*

 

 

Criminal genius Prof. Moriarity has discovered, by bribing one of the

Baker Street Irregulars, that Holmes and Watson share a much more

intimate relationship than thought. He then intercepts a letter from

Holmes to Oscar Wilde proposing a foursome with Watson and Bosie.

Now Moriarity can conduct his criminal enterprises free of interference

from Sherlock Holmes, knowing that the real dope on Holmes would

be far from amusing, either to the Queen or to Victorian society.

 

 

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