C.Bogle Posted April 6, 2012 Share Posted April 6, 2012 Okay. Kids on the right, go to CVS, kids on the left hit Walgreens. But first let's enjoy Ma's possum surprise. *Ma and Pa Kettle's Meth Lab* Due to the Great Recession and the end of Pa's 30 years of unemployment insurance, the Kettles have to find a new way to bring in money. They decide to start a meth lab, having the advantage of using 15 children to get pseudoephedrine at the local drugstores. The rest is easy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
casablancalover Posted April 6, 2012 Share Posted April 6, 2012 No, I believe the title is: h4. Ma and Pa Kettle Breaking Bad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ValentineXavier Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 *The Mankster* Miss Wonderly encounters Ben Mankowicz, who touches her on the shoulder, transferring a strange virus. She develops a sore on that spot, that doesn't heal, but continues to grow. One day, she looks in the mirror, and is shocked to see an eye looking back at her, from her shoulder. It continues to grow, and develop, eventually forming an entire head of the Mank, living on her own shoulder. Now, if this were a horror film, she would be driven insane. But, it is a love story, and she is content to have Ben with her, where ever she goes... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
casablancalover Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 h4. Play Casablanca For Me Set-up: Impossibly popular TV Host Mankman receives fawning attention from adoring fan casablancalover. While it charms him, it also unnerves him, not knowing her true motivation. She starts in secret a campaign to see Casablanca -every night. Mankman is hounded by like minded viewers wanting to see Casablanca -every night, not knowing it is all the trolls of casablancalover. His boss sees all the attention the movie is receiving, and orders Mankman to replay Casablanca -every night. Act 2: The first two years are the toughest. But Mankman soldiers on, and he is intrigued by the one fan who started it all. He never meets casablancalover though she is still watching, hoping they will meet. She gets an opportunity when Mankman makes an appearance at the ROAD SHOW of CASABLANCA, but she turns into a quiet roosting pullet the moment the show starts and the bird is chased out of the theater by an usher with a broom. Sad magic. Payoff: The movie ends with Mankman now famous and wealthy, but grizzled and moving with a walker, still doing intros of Casablanca, announcing "Tonight, we have a historic evening planned. I bring you -for the _ten thousandth time_, Casablanca. Which is available in Blu-Ray in our Movie shop.." Edited by: casablancalover on Apr 8, 2012 8:20 PM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misswonderly3 Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 Val, this is getting a little creepy. I was kind of glad when Ben told me he sometimes reads these boards, but I sure hope he isn't checking out this one these days. The poor guy is going to think I'm obsessed with him, when it all started as a silly joke. Ok, your latest contribution to 20th Vole is funny and clever...guess in a way I should be flattered that I'm a major character in it. And yeah, I know the smiley emoticons at the end are saying "no offence". So, I'm not offended - just a little creeped out. So, feeling a little like this :0 . I know your intention was for me to feel like this :^0 . Ah well, I'll try and take it in the spirit in which it was intended. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
casablancalover Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 Don't worry misswonderly... I have another one too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ValentineXavier Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 Sorry, Miss W., I certainly didn't mean to creep you out. I meant it to be a silly take-off on the film *The Manster*, which I was reminded of in the other thread, when someone referred to Ben as "the Mankster." Ben, if you are reading this, I'm sure Miss W. is not the least bit dangerous, an obsessed stalker, or any thing like that. She is indeed very amiable, and I'm sorry I've embarrassed her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misswonderly3 Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 Hey, VX, just another misadventure in the life of TCM MessageBoardLand. Now I'll have to watch *The Manster*. Figures you'd be familiar with an "underground" flick like that. It's coming up here on TCM, Thursday June 28, 9:30 a.m. ( Seems an odd time to show such a film- shirley 3 in the morning would be more its style.) Here's a link to it: http://www.tcm.com/tcmdb/title/82868/The-Manster/ I'll be looking over my shoulder now, for a while... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ValentineXavier Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 *The Manster* isn't a great film, but it is an interesting film, if you like Japanese film. Although the director and cinematographer are from the US, many who worked on the film are Japanese, including the art director, and the second unit/assistant director. It is a moderately cheesy horror film of the era, with the look of a classic Japanese film of the era. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C.Bogle Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 Yep, just like many folks today, the Kettles had to find some way to bring in the do re mi, even if it was on the shady side. A rustic stereo- type's got to do what a rustic stereotype's got to do. I haven't seen The Manster since I was a kid and it was on one of those Saturday night Chiller Theater shows. I don't think there is any good time to show a movie where someone has a second head growing out of him. It's on YT too. Hey dude, you've got a freakin' eye in your shoulder !!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bilgewasser Posted April 20, 2012 Share Posted April 20, 2012 Excuse me for staring, but some of our tent flaps have holes in them and I couldn't help noticing what wide lapels you have, Granny. *Scoutmaster Waldo* After being arrested and convicted for Aggressive Waspishness, Public Prissiness, and Backstabbing Without a License, famed columnist Waldo Lydecker is sentenced to community service as a Scoutmaster to a group of improvident boys from Troop 269 Fire Island, NY. He prepares the lads for their Sexual Diversity merit badges and at night teaches them how to rub two sticks together in order to start a camp fire. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bilgewasser Posted May 4, 2012 Share Posted May 4, 2012 I'm having problems with my memory, now why do they call you Dee Dee? *Beach Blanket Checkers* The more things change...Forty-five years on Frankie is still trying to get into Annette's bikini. Sadly, his arthritic fingers prevent him from even attempting it. He and Annette still spend their days at the beach, she trying to keep sand out of the Jif PB&J sandwiches while Frankie washes down his little purple pill with a prune smoothie just on the off chance...Now that Frankie is reading at a 10th grade level, he has taken up the intellectual challenge of playing checkers with Don Rickles. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ValentineXavier Posted May 7, 2012 Share Posted May 7, 2012 *Silent Blade Running* Eco-droids Huey, Dewey, and Louie, learn that they are to be replaced by replicants. So, they hire Deckard to take them out, without telling Freeman Lowell (Bruce Dern.) After Deckard deals with the replicant replacements, he discovers that Freeman is a replicant. Huey, Dewey and Louie protect their main man, by bumping Deckard into a compost shredder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bilgewasser Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 Don't want it. I wouldn't trade 100 of those things for one homemade tenor corncob. Now leave me alone so I can work up to a good nervous breakdown or a small hissy fit, whichever comes first. *Young Man with a Corncob* Young Dix Dexedrine grows up poor in Missouri. So poor that he had to carve a corncob in order to make a musical instru- ment. As the years passed, Dix grew more and more proficient on his corncob. After playing small jazz clubs in Peoria, he was given a contract with Quickbuck Records, which led to his re- cording the groundbreaking album The Niblet Sessions. Sadly, Dix had also picked up the habit of drinking corn likker. This led to the early death of one of the pioneers of crib jazz. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bilgewasser Posted June 1, 2012 Share Posted June 1, 2012 I wouldn't take a hundred of those for one homemade tenor corncob. Now leave me alone. My chin feels a hissy fit coming on. *Young Man with a Corncob* Young Dix Dexedrine grows up poor in Missouri. So poor that he had to carve a corncob in order to make a musical instru- ment. As the years passed, Dix grew more and more proficient on his corncob. After playing small jazz clubs in Peoria, he was given a contract with Quickbuck Records, which led to his re- cording the groundbreaking album The Niblet Sessions. Sadly, Dix had also picked up the habit of drinking corn liquor. This led to the early death of one of the pioneers of crib jazz. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bilgewasser Posted June 1, 2012 Share Posted June 1, 2012 To get to the other side of the road. Get it?...... Dummkopf. *Hess and Ganja* A biopic presenting a new theory on why Rudolf Hess flew to England. The night before his fateful trip, Hess went to a party at the Jamaican Embassy where native drinks and other substances were served. The next day Hess got in his plane and made a sudden trip to England, flying high both literally and figuratively, to see if a English dentist could fix his buck teeth. The mission was a dismal failure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bilgewasser Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 I don't care if you're a nutty serial killer or not, when a man's got to go, a man's got to go. *The Town That Dreaded Hurry Sundown* The residents of a small Texas town live in fear because each year a fiendish stranger breaks into one house, ties the occupants to chairs, and forces them to watch the bonus features DVD of Hurry Sundown. Extras include a short film of Otto Preminger having his head waxed, Micheal Caine doing his Fred Astaire impression, and Faye Dunaway reciting her own poetry. Oh, the horror. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bilgewasser Posted June 29, 2012 Share Posted June 29, 2012 OMG. Wire...wire everywhere...and not a piece of wood in sight! *Female on the Bleach* Newly widowed Joan Crawford can't help but fall in love with ****, hunky lazyass beach bum and super snoop Jeff Chandler. One night he invites Joan down to his boat, where he has been working on his "fuel pump" for what seems like ages. Joan just happens to take a peek in Jeff's closet and notices wire hangers. Crawford has a mega hissy fit, and in revenge bleaches not just Jeff's tighty whities, but his hair, making it even whiter than white. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bilgewasser Posted July 20, 2012 Share Posted July 20, 2012 This is the new secret handshake, straight from Berlin. That old Sieg Heil thingie was too conspicuous and besides it was getting kind of old. *Macht Schnell Mr. Moto* After a certain date which will live in infamy, Mr. Moto decides to update his identity. He now calls himself Herr von Mannheim, has traded his eyeglasses for a monocle, and given up jujitsu for dueling. But world events move too fast and Moto soon finds himself doing origami in an American jail. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ValeskaSuratt Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 *The Way We Whirr* A four-hankie love story about two star-crossed cyborgs. She's a computerized Communist programmed to take life too seriously, he's an easy-going outer space assassin whose piercing blue eyes will melt your heart, not to mention anything metallic. But despite destroying most of the Earth together, not even the birth of their daughter, Xbox, can ultimately prevent their love from short-circuiting. (The door is, however, left open for a sequel set in the Caribbean when she delivers her parting line: "Klaatu Bermuda Nikto.") Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misswonderly3 Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 Valeska, baby, that is really clever and funny ! I truly am "Laughing Out Loud" ! ( I don't "do" LOL's.) Thanks for the hilarious Vole presentation ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dpompper Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 These are REALLY funny, Valeska . . . and a dangerous diversion from what I SHOULD BE doing. Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ValeskaSuratt Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 misswonderly and dpompper, Thank you ! It's high praise indeed coming from a couple of Vole virtuosi as yourselves ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bildwasser Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 Yep, they're laughing now, but one day they'll look back at the liver phosphate with awe and the name Howard Roark will go down in history. *The Soda Fountainhead* Rebel soda jerk Howard Roark will not bow to the whims of the mass of ignorant, knee-jerk, unthinking sheeple. He will make his own fountain treats, no matter what others think. Thus the broccoli malted, the carrot split, and the hot onion sundae are born. But when another employee puts two cherries on the sundae instead of one, Roark goes berserk and dynamites the entire drugstore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ValentineXavier Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 *Moldfinger, the Man with the Fungus Touch* A creepy megalomaniac has the power to turn anything into the fungus of his choice with just a touch. He plans to finance his bid for world domination by manipulating the truffle market. He buys options to sell truffles at half their going price, for almost nothing. Then, he sneaks into the UN, turning the entire General Assembly, and their staff, into truffles. This makes truffles so common, that he cleans up with his sell options. His next step is to turn the entire government of China into expensive matsutake mushrooms, acquire their nukes, and threaten the world! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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