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20th Century Vole Presents


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Betty_MacDonald_Kettles.jpg

Okay. Kids on the right, go to CVS, kids on

the left hit Walgreens. But first let's enjoy Ma's

possum surprise.

 

 

 

 

 

*Ma and Pa Kettle's Meth Lab*

 

 

Due to the Great Recession and the end of Pa's 30 years of

unemployment insurance, the Kettles have to find a new way

to bring in money. They decide to start a meth lab, having the

advantage of using 15 children to get pseudoephedrine at the

local drugstores. The rest is easy.

 

 

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*The Mankster*

 

Miss Wonderly encounters Ben Mankowicz, who touches her on the shoulder, transferring a strange virus. She develops a sore on that spot, that doesn't heal, but continues to grow. One day, she looks in the mirror, and is shocked to see an eye looking back at her, from her shoulder. It continues to grow, and develop, eventually forming an entire head of the Mank, living on her own shoulder. Now, if this were a horror film, she would be driven insane. But, it is a love story, and she is content to have Ben with her, where ever she goes... ;):D

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h4. Play Casablanca For Me

 

Set-up: Impossibly popular TV Host Mankman receives fawning attention from adoring fan casablancalover. While it charms him, it also unnerves him, not knowing her true motivation. She starts in secret a campaign to see Casablanca -every night. Mankman is hounded by like minded viewers wanting to see Casablanca -every night, not knowing it is all the trolls of casablancalover. His boss sees all the attention the movie is receiving, and orders Mankman to replay Casablanca -every night.

 

Act 2: The first two years are the toughest. But Mankman soldiers on, and he is intrigued by the one fan who started it all. He never meets casablancalover though she is still watching, hoping they will meet. She gets an opportunity when Mankman makes an appearance at the ROAD SHOW of CASABLANCA, but she turns into a quiet roosting pullet the moment the show starts and the bird is chased out of the theater by an usher with a broom. Sad magic.

 

Payoff: The movie ends with Mankman now famous and wealthy, but grizzled and moving with a walker, still doing intros of Casablanca, announcing "Tonight, we have a historic evening planned. I bring you -for the _ten thousandth time_, Casablanca. Which is available in Blu-Ray in our Movie shop.."

 

Edited by: casablancalover on Apr 8, 2012 8:20 PM

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Val, this is getting a little creepy. I was kind of glad when Ben told me he sometimes reads these boards, but I sure hope he isn't checking out this one these days.

 

The poor guy is going to think I'm obsessed with him, when it all started as a silly joke.

 

Ok, your latest contribution to 20th Vole is funny and clever...guess in a way I should be flattered that I'm a major character in it. And yeah, I know the smiley emoticons at the end are saying "no offence".

So, I'm not offended - just a little creeped out.

So, feeling a little like this :0 . I know your intention was for me to feel like this :^0 .

 

Ah well, I'll try and take it in the spirit in which it was intended. ;)

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Sorry, Miss W., I certainly didn't mean to creep you out. I meant it to be a silly take-off on the film *The Manster*, which I was reminded of in the other thread, when someone referred to Ben as "the Mankster."

 

Ben, if you are reading this, I'm sure Miss W. is not the least bit dangerous, an obsessed stalker, or any thing like that. She is indeed very amiable, and I'm sorry I've embarrassed her.

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Hey, VX, just another misadventure in the life of TCM MessageBoardLand.

 

Now I'll have to watch *The Manster*. Figures you'd be familiar with an "underground" flick like that.

It's coming up here on TCM, Thursday June 28, 9:30 a.m. ( Seems an odd time to show such a film- shirley 3 in the morning would be more its style.)

Here's a link to it:

http://www.tcm.com/tcmdb/title/82868/The-Manster/

 

I'll be looking over my shoulder now, for a while...

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*The Manster* isn't a great film, but it is an interesting film, if you like Japanese film. Although the director and cinematographer are from the US, many who worked on the film are Japanese, including the art director, and the second unit/assistant director. It is a moderately cheesy horror film of the era, with the look of a classic Japanese film of the era.

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Yep, just like many folks today, the Kettles had to find some way to

bring in the do re mi, even if it was on the shady side. A rustic stereo-

type's got to do what a rustic stereotype's got to do.

 

I haven't seen The Manster since I was a kid and it was on one of those

Saturday night Chiller Theater shows. I don't think there is any good time

to show a movie where someone has a second head growing out of him.

It's on YT too. Hey dude, you've got a freakin' eye in your shoulder !!!!

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  • 2 weeks later...

 

 

 

 

 

laura_PDVD_002a01.jpg

Excuse me for staring, but some of our tent flaps have holes in them

and I couldn't help noticing what wide lapels you have, Granny.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Scoutmaster Waldo*

 

 

After being arrested and convicted for Aggressive Waspishness,

Public Prissiness, and Backstabbing Without a License, famed columnist

Waldo Lydecker is sentenced to community service as a Scoutmaster

to a group of improvident boys from Troop 269 Fire Island, NY. He prepares

the lads for their Sexual Diversity merit badges and at night teaches them

how to rub two sticks together in order to start a camp fire.

 

 

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untitled.bmp

I'm having problems with my memory, now why do they call

you Dee Dee?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Beach Blanket Checkers*

 

 

 

 

 

The more things change...Forty-five years on Frankie is still

trying to get into Annette's bikini. Sadly, his arthritic fingers

prevent him from even attempting it. He and Annette still spend

their days at the beach, she trying to keep sand out of the

Jif PB&J sandwiches while Frankie washes down his little purple

pill with a prune smoothie just on the off chance...Now that

Frankie is reading at a 10th grade level, he has taken up the

intellectual challenge of playing checkers with Don Rickles.

 

 

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*Silent Blade Running*

 

Eco-droids Huey, Dewey, and Louie, learn that they are to be replaced by replicants. So, they hire Deckard to take them out, without telling Freeman Lowell (Bruce Dern.) After Deckard deals with the replicant replacements, he discovers that Freeman is a replicant. Huey, Dewey and Louie protect their main man, by bumping Deckard into a compost shredder.

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Femme_aux_chimeres_1950_Young_Man_with_a

Don't want it. I wouldn't trade 100 of those things for one homemade tenor corncob. Now leave me alone so I can work up to a good nervous breakdown or a small hissy fit, whichever comes first.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Young Man with a Corncob*

 

 

Young Dix Dexedrine grows up poor in Missouri. So poor that

he had to carve a corncob in order to make a musical instru-

ment. As the years passed, Dix grew more and more proficient

on his corncob. After playing small jazz clubs in Peoria, he was

given a contract with Quickbuck Records, which led to his re-

cording the groundbreaking album The Niblet Sessions. Sadly,

Dix had also picked up the habit of drinking corn likker. This led

to the early death of one of the pioneers of crib jazz.

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  • 2 weeks later...

 

 

 

 

 

6a00e5534a604288330112796f2d8a28a4-800wi

I wouldn't take a hundred of those for one homemade tenor corncob.

Now leave me alone. My chin feels a hissy fit coming on.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Young Man with a Corncob*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Young Dix Dexedrine grows up poor in Missouri. So poor that

he had to carve a corncob in order to make a musical instru-

ment. As the years passed, Dix grew more and more proficient

on his corncob. After playing small jazz clubs in Peoria, he was

given a contract with Quickbuck Records, which led to his re-

cording the groundbreaking album The Niblet Sessions. Sadly,

Dix had also picked up the habit of drinking corn liquor. This led

to the early death of one of the pioneers of crib jazz.

 

 

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9936023.jpg

To get to the other side of the road. Get it?...... Dummkopf.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Hess and Ganja*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A biopic presenting a new theory on why Rudolf Hess flew to

England. The night before his fateful trip, Hess went to a party

at the Jamaican Embassy where native drinks and other substances

were served. The next day Hess got in his plane and made a sudden

trip to England, flying high both literally and figuratively, to see if a

English dentist could fix his buck teeth. The mission was a dismal

failure.

 

 

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the-town-that-dreaded-sundown-7.jpg

I don't care if you're a nutty serial killer or not, when a man's got to go, a man's got to go.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*The Town That Dreaded Hurry Sundown*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The residents of a small Texas town live in fear because each year

a fiendish stranger breaks into one house, ties the occupants to chairs,

and forces them to watch the bonus features DVD of Hurry Sundown.

Extras include a short film of Otto Preminger having his head waxed,

Micheal Caine doing his Fred Astaire impression, and Faye Dunaway

reciting her own poetry. Oh, the horror.

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female-on-the-beach.jpg

OMG. Wire...wire everywhere...and not a

piece of wood in sight!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Female on the Bleach*

 

 

 

 

 

Newly widowed Joan Crawford can't help but fall in love with ****,

hunky lazyass beach bum and super snoop Jeff Chandler. One night

he invites Joan down to his boat, where he has been working on his

"fuel pump" for what seems like ages. Joan just happens to take a

peek in Jeff's closet and notices wire hangers. Crawford has a mega

hissy fit, and in revenge bleaches not just Jeff's tighty whities, but his

hair, making it even whiter than white.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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ThinkFastMrMoto.jpg

This is the new secret handshake, straight from Berlin. That old Sieg

Heil thingie was too conspicuous and besides it was getting kind of old.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Macht Schnell Mr. Moto*

 

 

After a certain date which will live in infamy, Mr. Moto decides to

update his identity. He now calls himself Herr von Mannheim, has

traded his eyeglasses for a monocle, and given up jujitsu for dueling.

But world events move too fast and Moto soon finds himself doing

origami in an American jail.

 

 

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*The Way We Whirr*

 

WayWeWhirr_v1-1.jpg

 

A four-hankie love story about two star-crossed cyborgs.

She's a computerized Communist programmed to take life

too seriously, he's an easy-going outer space assassin

whose piercing blue eyes will melt your heart, not to mention

anything metallic. But despite destroying most of the Earth

together, not even the birth of their daughter, Xbox, can

ultimately prevent their love from short-circuiting. (The door

is, however, left open for a sequel set in the Caribbean

when she delivers her parting line: "Klaatu Bermuda Nikto.")

 

 

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1949_king_vidor_la_fonte_meravigliosa.jp

Yep, they're laughing now, but one day they'll look back at the liver

phosphate with awe and the name Howard Roark will go down in history.

 

 

 

 

 

*The Soda Fountainhead*

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rebel soda jerk Howard Roark will not bow to the whims of the mass of

ignorant, knee-jerk, unthinking sheeple. He will make his own fountain treats,

no matter what others think. Thus the broccoli malted, the carrot split, and

the hot onion sundae are born. But when another employee puts two cherries

on the sundae instead of one, Roark goes berserk and dynamites the entire

drugstore.

 

 

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*Moldfinger, the Man with the Fungus Touch*

 

A creepy megalomaniac has the power to turn anything into the fungus of his choice with just a touch. He plans to finance his bid for world domination by manipulating the truffle market. He buys options to sell truffles at half their going price, for almost nothing. Then, he sneaks into the UN, turning the entire General Assembly, and their staff, into truffles. This makes truffles so common, that he cleans up with his sell options.

 

His next step is to turn the entire government of China into expensive matsutake mushrooms, acquire their nukes, and threaten the world!

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