20th Century Vole Presents

[scsu1975]

I Wake Up Posting

 

Classic film noir, with a little film blanc thrown in. Victor Mature plays a promoter with bigger breasts than the blonde he is trying to promote. When she is bumped off, Mature becomes the chief suspect because he can’t stop posting about her. Mature is hounded by Laird Cregar, who has bigger breasts than Mature (and hence, by the transitive property of breasts, bigger ones than the dead girl). The mystery is cracked when Betty Grable, who realizes she can’t out-breast Mature or Cregar, uses her legs to snare the real killer. Tor Johnson has a cameo as a nightclub. Viewers should take note of Mature’s apartment, in which several of Titian’s paintings are displayed.

[misswonderly3]

I Wake Up Posting

 

Classic film noir, with a little film blanc thrown in. Victor Mature plays a promoter with bigger breasts than the blonde he is trying to promote. When she is bumped off, Mature becomes the chief suspect because he can’t stop posting about her. Mature is hounded by Laird Cregar, who has bigger breasts than Mature (and hence, by the transitive property of breasts, bigger ones than the dead girl). The mystery is cracked when Betty Grable, who realizes she can’t out-breast Mature or Cregar, uses her legs to snare the real killer. Tor Johnson has a cameo as a nightclub. Viewers should take note of Mature’s apartment, in which several of Titian’s paintings are displayed.

 

And just how big are Tor's breasts? 

[scsu1975]

And just how big are Tor's breasts? 

The last guy who tried to measure them has mysteriously disappeared.

[Tikisoo]

ACE IS A HOLE

 

Rehab patient notices roommate friend is "missing" and locates him fallen down a sewer hole. With narcissistic journalistic ambitions, patient creates media furor over roommates rescue, milking it for all he can.

The guy down the hole is actually comfortable, originally just trying to find some peace away from all the intense group therapies.

 

But the delusional patient seizes the opportunity to appear as a media "authority" while thwarting all rescue attempts. He never leaves the sewer hole and consoles stuck friend. The stuck friend is so bored by this driveling, he blasts himself out of the hole on his own screaming, "For the love of God, make it STOP!" 

 

Both return to hospital and purge their frustrations on internet message board.

[JamesJazGuitar]

ACE IS A HOLE

 

Rehab patient notices roommate friend is "missing" and locates him fallen down a sewer hole. With narcissistic journalistic ambitions, patient creates media furor over roommates rescue, milking it for all he can.

The guy down the hole is actually comfortable, originally just trying to find some peace away from all the intense group therapies.

 

But the delusional patient seizes the opportunity to appear as a media "authority" while thwarting all rescue attempts. He never leaves the sewer hole and consoles stuck friend. The stuck friend is so bored by this driveling, he blasts himself out of the hole on his own screaming, "For the love of God, make it STOP!" 

 

Both return to hospital and purge their frustrations on internet message board.

 

Nice one!    Of course that revised title would have worked just fine with the actual story of the film since Douglas played an ace reporter.

[Arturo]

I Wake Up Posting

 

Classic film noir, with a little film blanc thrown in. Victor Mature plays a promoter with bigger breasts than the blonde he is trying to promote. When she is bumped off, Mature becomes the chief suspect because he can’t stop posting about her. Mature is hounded by Laird Cregar, who has bigger breasts than Mature (and hence, by the transitive property of breasts, bigger ones than the dead girl). The mystery is cracked when Betty Grable, who realizes she can’t out-breast Mature or Cregar, uses her legs to snare the real killer. Tor Johnson has a cameo as a nightclub. Viewers should take note of Mature’s apartment, in which several of Titian’s paintings are displayed.

You sure about Mature's and Cregar's breasts? Because although generally not promoted and thrust forward into the spotlight, Carole Landis had breasts of epic proportions. Too bad she didn't live into the 1950s, when large.breasts.guaranteed free publicity at least.

[Arturo]

RETURN OF THE BAREFOOT CONTESTANT

The sequel follows the exploits of the online celebutante, once she left her marriage to rack up more points on gameshows. Her internet visibilty resulted in her being offered a celebrity cooking show. Each episode had her making her patented entrance, come down a staircase.barefoot, then twirling around a-la Loretta Young. She would then present a recipe supposedly by another celebrity. The show did well until it was discovered the recipes were plagerized from someone else's online site; the resultant brouhaha led to the cancellation of the show.

[scsu1975]

; the resultant brouhaha led to the cancellation of the show.

But unfortunately, not the contestant

[LonesomePolecat]

THE LITTLE SHOP AROUND THE CORNER

 

James Stewart is in love with his pen pal who turns out to be his coworker Clara, but he loses his job just when he finds out about this. To regain his position, he tells store owner Mr Matuscek about his strange and unusual plant who he's named Clara II. He gets the job and the girl, but Clara II eats them all in the end. "Little shop, shop around the corner, bop shoo bop, shop around the corner..."

[scsu1975]

Not So Little Women

 

If you like your babes on the chubby side, this version of Alcott’s story is definitely for you.  June Allyson, who looks like she hasn’t missed too many meals, leads a cast of tubbies who sit around and eat all day. Tor Johnson stars as the Union Army.

[JamesJazGuitar]

Not So Little Women

 

If you like your babes on the chubby side, this version of Alcott’s story is definitely for you.  June Allyson, who looks like she hasn’t missed too many meals, leads a cast of tubbies who sit around and eat all day. Tor Johnson stars as the Union Army.

 

I was watching The Judy Garland Show on Get-TV and Allyson was on.    They talked about how Mayer would tell each of them that they were a threat to each other.   Judy said she was told to behave or Allyson would be cast in her place and Allyson was told she couldn't hold a candle to Judy so she should be happy with the roles she was given.   This caused the two to dislike each other even before they met.   It was great insight into the studio system.

 

Allyson was 46 when the show was filmed and I admit she looked about the same as she did in the 40s.   So the advantage of having an older looking face when one is in their mid-20s is that they look the same when they are in their 40s.

[scsu1975]

One Million Posts B.C.

 

A disgruntled (as opposed to gruntled) poster floods a message board with spam, hoping to reach his/her/its 1,000,000^th post, because all his/her/its other posts are bull crap (hence, the B.C.). Victor Mature stars as Tumak, which means “boring poster” in Rock People lingo. Carole Landis is out-breasted by Mature yet again, but she does sport one helluva coif and manages to convert most of the Rock People to heterosexuality. Tor Johnson has a cameo as a boulder.

[Casablanca100views]

One Million Posts B.C.

 

A disgruntled (as opposed to gruntled) poster floods a message board with spam, hoping to reach his/her/its 1,000,000^th post, because all his/her/its other posts are bull crap (hence, the B.C.). Victor Mature stars as Tumak, which means “boring poster” in Rock People lingo. Carole Landis is out-breasted by Mature yet again, but she does sport one helluva coif and manages to convert most of the Rock People to heterosexuality. Tor Johnson has a cameo as a boulder.

 

A very nice gruntled post.  

[Casablanca100views]

BEYOND THE MIDDLE CLASS

 

 

In a sleepy Wisconsin town (are there any other kind in Wisconsin?), lives a restless, boring housewife, Rosa Bettendorf-Davenport-Moline, who freely acknowledges she lives in a dump.  Apparently uninterested in the local lumbering industry, seeks the luxury of the high life she has only fantasized, while being trapped in a marriage to the town's anti-capitalist doctor. She treats everyone like garbage and stalks a wealthy dude from Chicago, a toddling town. Rosa comes up against a character who has no grounding in the story other than making cryptic statements and connecting disjointed scenes.  She then impulsively moves the plot along with one implausible misstep after another. 

 

It's Sirk, without the lush colors, satisfying story arc, and fine production values. It's a little Madame Bovary, a little Anna Karenina, a little noir, a little bit country and a whole lot of camp.

[scsu1975]

Village of the Damned Posters

 

George Sanders stars as a cad (what else?) who impregnates every woman in town, then tries to blame it on aliens. His weird offspring then band together and take over a message board with narcissistic posts, threatening to destroy anyone who disagrees with them. Tor Johnson guests stars as the children’s hair stylist.

[Arturo]

FOREVER UNDER

In which a young woman feels she should not be living in the boondocks of a Puritan hamlet in the midlands of England but feels she is cut out for greater things. She attends Oxford, where she majors in Film Studies. She sees herself as influential in all aspects of classic film, and after graduation, she attempts to do so with her selected writings. However, she soon finds her true calling, trolling message boards and becoming a first-class bean-counter. Her frustrations in her goals and personal life makes her feel like the Countess of this fiefdom, what with her ever-increasing post counts. King George Sanders, when she is presented in court, puts her in her place, with the classic line, "Madame, your threads are like your wardrobe, many changes but no surprises! And Please....put on some shoes when you come downstairs to be presented in court!".

 

The film had to have some scenes deleted after complaints were raised re. the content to the moderators and the Catholic Legion of Decency. It didn't live up to all the hype as to the supposed milestones in post counts.

[Arturo]

BEYOND THE FORKLIFT

Another story with a restless woman feeling trapped in a small town. She senses her loveless marriage to her husband is stifling her; despite his job as foreman at the local lumber outlet which allows him to provide well for her. She yearns to run off to the bright lights of Chicago, where the internet connections work a large part of the time. In an attempt to appease her cravings to post her selected writings online in messageboards and blogs (or messageboards she'd like to make into her blogs), her husband has her work at the plant, as forklift dispatcher. Here the wifi is available, if spotty. The poor internet reception is the last straw, as her post counts are sorely lacking the numbers she'd hope to rack up. So tablet in hand, she sets off to the Windy City, and, hopefully, internet immortality.

[Arturo]

However, she doesn't realize that only she is playing the game; there are no other contestants.

 

This line is particularly funny!

Unbelievable, but true!

[LonesomePolecat]

IT'S A WONDERFUL MISER

 

Ebenezer Scrooge goes home alone one Christmas Eve and wishes he'd never been born. Suddenly an angel named Clarence appears and shows him what his life would be like if he got his wish. They visit Bob Cratchit, whose family is way better off because Bob's boss pays better, Fred, who is super happy with no grumpy relatives, and all the people who owe Scrooge money, who have a happy debt-free existence. Scrooge realizes everyone WOULD be better off if he'd never been born and kills himself. Clarence checks his list again and realizes he visited the wrong guy. That's why he's an angel 2nd class.

 

 

[HelenBaby2]

IT'S A WONDERFUL MISER

 

Ebenezer Scrooge goes home alone one Christmas Eve and wishes he'd never been born. Suddenly an angel named Clarence appears and shows him what his life would be like if he got his wish. They visit Bob Cratchit, whose family is way better off because Bob's boss pays better, Fred, who is super happy with no grumpy relatives, and all the people who owe Scrooge money, who have a happy debt-free existence. Scrooge realizes everyone WOULD be better off if he'd never been born and kills himself. Clarence checks his list again and realizes he visited the wrong guy. That's why he's an angel 2nd class.

Ooh, dark!

[scsu1975]

The Amazing Colossal Poster

 

A self-proclaimed film critic is exposed to a radioactive message board, which results in his post counts growing exponentially.  Unable to stop himself from posting, he roams aimlessly around Las Vegas, barefoot and wearing nothing but an XXXXXXXXXXXL Depends©. In desperation, the message board shuts down, but not before 90% of the posters flee in terror. Trivia note: Tor Johnson was originally slated to be the star, but lost the job because he had trouble memorizing his one line – “Time for go to post.” To console him, the producer gave him a cameo as Hoover Dam.

Followed by a sequel:  War of the Colossal Poster

[scsu1975]

War of the Colossal Poster

 

In this sequel to The Amazing Colossal Poster, our Poster Boy is now living in Mexico, and has lost his mind (as evidenced by his switching from Depends© to Huggies©.) His post count has leveled off somewhat, but now he has followers who have taken up the slack and are moving northward. Alarmed, President Donald Trump orders a wall built along the border, stating “When Mexico sends its posters, they're not sending their best. They're sending posters that have lots of problems, and they're bringing those problems with us. They're bringing drugs. They're bringing crime. They're rapists. And some, I assume, are good posters.” But the wall fails to hold back the posters (remember, **** can really pile high). In a splendid example of bipartisanship, Colonel Sanders (Bernie, that is) leads a daring commando raid against the posters, takes down the Amazing Colossal Poster, and offers the other posters a free education. Tor Johnson guest stars as Vice President Chris Christie.

[Arturo]

THE DANISH BLOG GIRL

In this highly acclaimed year-end film, a self-styled film historian posts his selected writings on film-related.message boards, trying to make them over into his own blogs. He looks on enviously, and posts critically on the boards, as the winner of the Biggest Fan Ever takes over a monthly spotlight on a classic movie, knowing in his own mind that he was born to do that. He looks for a various ways to raise his profile with this online community, and raise his post counts, as he decides he is the most knowledgeable and influential poster, running the gamut from plagerizing movie star recipes, to videotaping every last utterance and sartorial faux pas for posterity. His selected writings online become ever more feverish, as he realizes what Trump has realized, that wild statements sell and increase views and post.counts. The reactions are fast and furious, and he soon has an epiphany as to his true calling. With the help and support of several other online trolls, who, bedazzled by his prolific postings, do his every bidding as they fawn over each successive outrageous thread title switch, they encourage and help him transition from estwhile serious film student and writer, to what he knows he really is, the Queen of Online Posts. He gives up all pretenses of being a man of serious film studies, and comes out of the cocoon fully-formed as a woman breathlessly viewing, compiling and celebrating her ever-increasing counts.

 

An immediate front runner in the Oscar race, as Academy members found resonance in the shameless self-promoting aspects of her compelling tale.

[Tikisoo]

THE SPAMMER GAMES

 

Contestants compete for survival on an internet message board- the lone winner receives a spotlight as "guest" host for the next round of games. Several intellectuals and hobbyists compete fairly gaining a huge positive following with the audience of viewers. The cast is full of the usual charactors among them; the narcissist vying for mass attention, the old codger who cannot accept change, the know-it-all who only knows opinions and the goofball who thinks he's "cute".

 

Plagerists quoting others' statistics & lists are the first called out as bores. Next, the contestants form groups - the "intellectuals" from the "emotionals" - thinking there may be strength in numbers. The intellectuals discuss rules, tools and what's proper behaviour while the emotionals employ pages of spam in an attempt to control the posts seen. 

 

There's lots of bombs dropped, machine gun fire, all to hard driving metal rock soundtrack, which will be criticize for weeks. As is most cases, the emotionals burn out- it takes too much effort to blanket boards with vanity posts that garner little, if any interest. The intellectuals continue along in their low key way, just happy to have survived.

 

A shy, low key but insightful poster ultimately wins a spot as guest host. He declines, stating the entire idea is silly-he prefers watching classic movies and enjoying them with friends. 

The winner is played by Tor Johnson.

[Arturo]

THE SPAMMER GAMES

 

Contestants compete for survival on an internet message board- the lone winner receives a spotlight as "guest" host for the next round of games. Several intellectuals and hobbyists compete fairly gaining a huge positive following with the audience of viewers. The cast is full of the usual charactors among them; the narcissist vying for mass attention, the old codger who cannot accept change, the know-it-all who only knows opinions and the goofball who thinks he's "cute".

 

Plagerists quoting others' statistics & lists are the first called out as bores. Next, the contestants form groups - the "intellectuals" from the "emotionals" - thinking there may be strength in numbers. The intellectuals discuss rules, tools and what's proper behaviour while the emotionals employ pages of spam in an attempt to control the posts seen. 

 

There's lots of bombs dropped, machine gun fire, all to hard driving metal rock soundtrack, which will be criticize for weeks. As is most cases, the emotionals burn out- it takes too much effort to blanket boards with vanity posts that garner little, if any interest. The intellectuals continue along in their low key way, just happy to have survived.

 

A shy, low key but insightful poster ultimately wins a spot as guest host. He declines, stating the entire idea is silly-he prefers watching classic movies and enjoying them with friends. 

The winner is played by Tor Johnson.

I believe this film.was the inspiration for the hit Broadway musical, SPAMALOT, which will hopefully be made shortly into a movie. And yes, Tor Johnson's soaring singing voice, and smooth dancing abilities had him doing his film role in the musical, and winning the Tony to boot.