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RICH'S B (AND WORSE) JUVENILE DELINQUENT THREAD


scsu1975
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Porter is a dark beer, a lager, since it is aged, sometimes in barrels. It isn't as heavy as stout, but it is similar. It is mellower than stout, and not bitter. It is robust, so it is good with strongly flavored foods, like Barbeque, steaks, even burgers, or by itself. Note that I would never drink stout with food.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Beat Girl (1960) aka Wild for Kicks
Directed by Edmond T. Greville



With this film, the Brits succeed in making a teen film just as bad as anything in the States. Beat Girl features a non-horror performance by Christopher Lee, a non-sober performance by Oliver Reed, and
non-acting performances by the rest of the cast. However, if you listen closely, you will hear one character say b**** (for female) and b****** (for male), and that is the most interesting dialogue in this thing.

David Farrar has a teenage daughter, played by Gillian Hills. He brings home his new 24-year-old wife, played by Noelle Adam, so you know this can't end well. With her eyebrow makeup, Adam looks horribly like the Vulcan babe who was betrothed to Mr. Spock in a Star Trek episode. With her lack of acting talent, she may live long, but she won't prosper.

Hills immediately hates Adam, and becomes a rebellious kid. Gee, what an original idea for a movie. Hills heads for the hangout where she grooves on the dance floor; meanwhile, Oliver Reed appears to be having an epileptic seizure behind her. Most of the viewers are asleep by now, so I'll fill in the rest.

Adam meets up with Hills at some eatery. Hills' male friends ogle at Adam (they must be Vulcans). Another dame walks in and recognizes Adam. Unfortunately, this dame works at a strip club across the street, so Hills puts two and two together and comes up with three, just like my college students. Hills decides to check out the strip club, and we are treated to an exotic dance number performed by somebody named Pascaline, which, oddly, is the name of a calculating machine invented by Blaise Pascal in the seventeenth century. But I digress. Hills meets the owner, played by the fang-less Christopher Lee. Lee thinks he can make mountains out of Hills' moles, so the only suspense left in the movie is whether or not Hills will strip, and whether or not Lee will bite someone. There is also the required game of chicken; in this variation, most of the cast put their heads on a railroad track. Unknown to them, however, is that, as usual, all the trains are backed up at Penn Station.

I hadn't seen Hills before, and she is cute. She was actually a teenager when this was filmed, so that was a refreshing change. Hopefully, her acting got better after this. She did cut a few records.

Nigel Green has a bit as Lee's assistant.

John Barry wrote the score, which mainly consists of a few songs. Fortunately, this disaster didn't kill his chances of composing Goldfinger. But whoever wrote the lyrics should never be allowed near a writing instrument.

Shirley Anne Field warbles the memorable "It's Legal":

"I won't be wicked again,
I'll never be bad no more
To think of the things that we can do,
Without even breaking the law?"

Kill me, please.





Reed on weed.

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Cher practices for her upcoming gig on TCM.
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Gerry and the Defibrillators perform "Don't Let the Sun Catch You Drooling."
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Christopher Lee and Nigel Green compete for worst "widow's peak."
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Lee gets ready to put the bite on Angelina Jolie.
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  • 3 months later...

r.p.m. (1970)
Directed by Stanley Kramer

This is a ground-breaking film. It makes you want to
i) Break ground
ii) Crawl into hole
iii) Cover self up

Anthony Quinn is a liberal college professor (redundant) who is the student body's third choice to take over as College President. The first two choices were Che Guevara (unavailable due to being dead) and Eldridge Cleaver (unavailable for comment). Quinn sports a bad rug and a Rocky Balboa hat. He drives to work on a motorcycle. And he is shagging grad student Ann-Margret, even though her cooking would make anyone hurl. What a cool dude.

The campus radicals, led by 33-year-old long-haired undergraduate Gary Lockwood, have occupied one of the buildings on campus, and have a list of demands. One of them is that the students should hire the faculty. (After being in academia for 35 years, I will admit they may be on to something.) Token black radical Paul Winfield also wants a black man on the Board of Trustees. When Quinn suggests a candidate, Winfield wants to know how black he is. Quinn asks if he wants a skin sample. One of the trustees points out that there are no engineering students taking part in the rebellion; just English and psychology majors. That's the extent of the hilarity in this film.

Now settle in for lots of blather and inaction, as the students accuse Quinn of being part of the "establishment." There are a couple of "right-ons" and other dialogue I could not understand. Lockwood et al finally threaten to destroy the campus computer (Lockwood is apparently still ticked off at HAL). Enter the club-wielding campus police, who, oddly, are not referred to as the "fuzz" or even "pigs." What kind of campus is this? A few skulls get cracked, butts get kicked, all this while director Stanley Kramer shoots the scenes through a blurred lens. Great. The one time we finally get some action, and we might as well be underwater. There was probably more violence taking place in theaters, as audiences rushed to the exits.

In the final scene, Quinn tells Lockwood to "stay loose, man." Then Melanie sings a song.



How Apple Computer was invented.
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"Gonna fly now ... flying high now ..."
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This is a fairly realistic depiction of a college Board of Trustees.
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"Once Apollo Creed gets a whiff of those armpits, it's all over."
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I can't believe this either.
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"It says Kitten With a Whip. Ever hear of it?"
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"Tony, they want you to star in The Guns of Navarone, not The Buns of Navarone."
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A short-lived 70s fad called "Kick the cop in the cup."
Try saying that ten times fast.
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I think it was the San Francisco Chronicle movie review that said R.P.M. stood for "Revolutions Per Minute" (revolutions of the leftist kind). I didn't bother going to see the movie, because I saw the real thing in Berkeley back in those days.

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> {quote:title=FredCDobbs wrote:}{quote}

> I think it was the San Francisco Chronicle movie review that said R.P.M. stood for "Revolutions Per Minute" (revolutions of the leftist kind). I didn't bother going to see the movie, because I saw the real thing in Berkeley back in those days.

 

The film's opening credits say "revolutions per minute" under the r.p.m.

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This thread is great. I've already let Rich put me in stitches with his Si-Fi movie breakdowns and now there's one for jds as well. When I need a good laugh I know where to go.

 

Did anybody really know teen-agers like the ones in these films? I keep wondering if the world would be more mucked up or less if there were. They couldn't have done much worse than the "straight arrows" in charge today. At least they gave us a fun way to spend a few hours.

 

From the writing on the blackboard scene in The Violent Years at least those kids learned good penmanship. Of course we all will soon be only texting or typing info so that particular skill might not be necessary. It figures.

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> {quote:title=scsu1975 wrote:}{quote}

> BY POPULAR DEMAND!

>

> Coming soon: Wild in the Streets

>

>

>

> Wild.jpg

 

 

THE OLD TIGERS ARE SCARED, BABY! That is one of the funniest taglines, Ive ever read! Can't wait for the review...

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Rich,

 

I "heart" you! I had a friend in junior high who thought this movie was the best film she had ever seen. I've lost count on how many times she saw it. I went once and she was offended that I laughed through-out the film because she took it so seriously.

 

Our friendship didn't survive.

 

Can't wait to read your recap!

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> {quote:title=lzcutter wrote:}{quote}

> Rich,

>

> I "heart" you! I had a friend in junior high who thought this movie was the best film she had ever seen. I've lost count on how many times she saw it. I went once and she was offended that I laughed through-out the film because she took it so seriously.

>

> Our friendship didn't survive.

>

> Can't wait to read your recap!

 

 

Lynn--You mean to tell me that Christopher Jones, who is totally hot in that movie, didn't crank your tractor just a smidge? I think that's why I saw it more than once--raging hormones & all. I've since seen it and it is ridiculous, but Jones? Still hot.

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Wild in the Streets (1968)
Directed by Barry Shear

I'm not sure which is scarier: Christopher Jones becoming President of the United States, Hal Halbrook on acid, or Shelley Winters with a bong.

I have to say, there is some entertainment value here. Being old enough to remember this being advertised when it was first released, I was expecting some kind of futuristic, nightmarish scenario; instead, I got satire, often hilarious. The bizarre casting helps.

Jones plays Max Jacobs, Jr.; his younger self is played briefly by former Brady Buncher Barry Williams. Jones is a dead-on long-haired version of James Dean, in looks, voice, and mannerisms. Seems Max has an overprotective mother (Shelley at her annoying best) and a semi-useless father (Bert Freed, in an unusual role for him). Max does your typical teenage stuff, like blowing up a car and manufacturing LSD in the cellar. He changes his name to Max Frost and forms a rock band, with Richard Pryor as his drummer. Diane Varsi hangs around the band in an undetermined role; she spends most of the film nude, with camera angles and her long blonde hair obscuring the crucial parts.

Slick Hal Halbrook, running for Senator from California, enlists Max in his campaign to capture the youth vote. Unfortunately, Max's idea of the youth vote is to make 14-year-olds eligible to vote. So he sings a song called "Fourteen or Fight." This is a common theme of the film; every so often, Jones lip-syncs some song, usually accompanied with a cool rock score. Most of the songs stink:

"We're 52 percent, they write the tv shows for us,
We're 52 percent they design the clothes for us,
We're 52 percent they play the songs we dig,
We're 52 percent and we make big business big"

However, "The Shape of Things to Come" does have a pretty good beat and you can dance to it. I give it an 85, Dick.

Max compromises with Holbrook to get the voting age lowered to 15. The result is that Diane Varsi gets elected Senator to fill a vacant seat. She takes her tambourine with her. Her opening speech: "America's greatest contribution has been to teach the world that getting old is such a drag." Max and his friends then contaminate the water in D.C. with LSD, which results in a mind-bending congressional experience.

Finally, Max gets elected President, running on the Republican ticket (ok, maybe he would have been better than Nixon, and probably better than most other current candidates from either party). He carries every state except Hawaii (apparently there was some problem with his birth certificate). His first speech: "We're gonna make thirty a mandatory retirement age, and we're gonna set up rehabilitation camps ... and there, in groovy surroundings, we're gonna psych 'em all out on LSD, babies." Like wow, man, I can dig it.

There is a veritable cornucopia of cameos featuring 60's pop icons (Peter Tork, Bobby Sherman, e.g.), columnists (Army Archerd, Walter Winchell) and future headcases (Gary Busey). The narration by Paul Frees is superb: "Red China has denounced rock music; however, from all reports, the rallying song of the vast teenage underground movement in the far east is the song, 'Don't wanna be no yellow peril'."

Probably the best scene comes when Halbrook has a complete meltdown. He goes Charlie Sheen on his house, grabbing his wife (Millie Perkins) and screaming at his kid, "From now on, you read Winnie the Pooh, and Little Women ... LITTLE WOMEN!!" My second best scene is "guest star" Ed Begley in a blue robe, wandering around the rehabilitation camp in a state of bliss. I'm glad to see he worked out all that aggression he exhibited while serving on that jury.





This is either a psychedelic scene or a typical Comcast cable signal.
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Shelley goes "one toke over the line."
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A sitz bath for someone with really large hemorrhoids.
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How bad is your career going when you take a part that was
turned down by Casey Kasem?
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Jones and Pryor hold the first joint session of Congress.
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Tune in, turn out, drop out. And call your agent.
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This is the point in the film where I turned to drugs.
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Ed Begley wanders around the desert for 40 years.
Fortunately, he is wearing Depends.
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Rich,

 

I dig you big time, baby!!!!

 

I wisely kept my diet coke away from my keyboard and my hands while reading your post which is a good thing because otherwise you would owe me yet another keyboard.

 

As I suspected, your recap was better than I remember the film being but, with your recaps, that is usually the case.

 

I would love to see this one on *Underground* sometime.

 

Poor Bert Freed, maybe he took the role of the controlling, corrupt dad in *Billy Jack* (another *Underground* contender), because of his role in this film. Just a theory.

 

And Chris Jones was very dreamy.

 

But, I still don't know how my friend could take this film so seriously back in 1968 and not see the laughter in it.

 

I'd say more about Max Frost as president in 1968 but I don't want this thread hijacked!

 

A thousand thanks!

 

I have to go drink some diet coke now!

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  • 2 weeks later...

I stayed up to watch David Janssen in *Ring of Fire*, which makes Wild in the Streets look like a masterpiece. Don't ask me why I watched this movie - I guess it's because I had insomnia, and I have a strange, unrelenting passion for David Janssen and his wince.

 

It all took place in a mountain town in Oregon, where Janssen was the sheriff. Lots of dry trees and shrubbery for the cast to crawl through (more cost effective to film in the woods than in the town with 10 dollar a day extras). Kidnapped by teenage hoodlums in the diner, who looked like they were all over 30, Janssen uses his wits to take control of the situation. Frank Gorshin, leading the gang, took our sheriff up into the mountainous forest so they could have fun taunting Janssen, cliffside. Reliably, there was a third member of the gang, a loose cannon, who went over the edge. Gorshin actually underplayed his role as lead teen, but terrorized Janssen with a gun that changed hands more times than the lead girl, played by Joyce Taylor. She got to say lines like "You're the most, Fuzz Man" and Real cool, Daddy-o" .

 

I realized somewhere along the way that this movie could have been made in 1912 with very little change to the plot and better dialogue (like ..none).

 

The last half was especially old fashioned, with a fire, of course started by Gorshin smoking....then throwing the lit ciggie butt into the forest on purpose!!!! tsk tsk...those baaad kids! Janssen ended up not only saving his police officer buddy, he saved another officer phoning for help from being shot in a tricky manouever involving a phone booth. After spending the night fighting off the advances of young, confused, sex-driven Joyce Taylor, he also rescued all the elderly townspeople from the fire. Many of these extras I got to know almost personally as they ran in front of the camera over and over again, screaming. Red and Blue Dress Ladies were my favorites, they got a lot of screen time and had to run back and forth in those 1960's high heels and pearl-buttoned sweaters.

 

To top it all off, Janssen stole a train to get the townspeople out of harm's way. Didn't D. W. Griffith do this plot already? Gorshin accused him of hanky panky in the forest with underage Taylor, but Janssen's boss shrugged off these accusations, knowing only Janssen could save the entire town from imminent destruction. The climax took place on a giant trestle bridge, ablaze with flames, as the train tried to make it across. Gorshin, like all good villains, went to his death down the ravine ignobly, smushed by the wreckage as it fell from the tracks.

 

Taylor admitted her mistakes, turning good when Janssen stoically winced at her. She stood by her man during the "harrowing" (boring) train ride through the "Ring of Fire". Footage was probably culled from a Smoky the Bear short subject, and unfortunately, Johnny Cash had not recorded the song yet for the opening titles. The last shot was Janssen kissing the alluring, still underage Taylor (Ewwwww!). They lived happily ever after?

 

I came away from this movie actually appreciating David Janssen, because he gave this movie his all even though he must have known it was really, really stupid.

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