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Funny stories


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Because of a glitch in my washing machine, I have to "babysit" it when doing a load or the tub won't spin during the rinse cycle. Unless I lift the lid, then close it again, THEN the mechanism will catch.

But that's not the funny story I'm talking about.


While I'm waiting for the cycles to change, I kill time by reading a book titled "100 YEARS, 100 STORIES" by George Burns. I only bring these up because we mentioned these two people recently in other threads.


One was about Groucho Marx. Burns belonged to what was known as the "Hillcrest Round Table", a group of well known comedians who would sit at the same table at the Hillcrest Country Club for lunch every day. At the time this story begins, Sophie Tucker had a popular song out called "If You Can't See Mama All Night, You Can't See Mama At All". One day Burns ordered the sea bass for lunch. Groucho popped up and said, "If you can't sea bass all night, you can't sea bass at all!"

Well, Burns thought at first the pun was funny, but after 40 years it kind of got stale. But every time Burns ordered the sea bass, Groucho would utter the gag.


One day Burns went into the Hillcrest and pulled the waiter aside and said, "Listen, I want to order the sea bass, but I don't want Groucho to hear me." The waiter said, "Mr. Burns, Mr. Marx says if you can't sea bass all night, you can't sea bass at all!"


The second story involves Katherine Hepburn. *Morning Glory* was one of Hepburn's earlier movies. And in spite of years of fame on the stage, it also was one of John Barrymore's earlier film works. Barrymore and Hepburn did not get along and often argued on AND off the set. When the movie wrapped, Hepburn marched into Barrymore's dressing room and exclaimed, "Mr. Barrymore, I will NEVER act with you in a movie again!" Barrymore smiled sweetly at Kate and said, "Miss Hepburn, you never HAVE!"






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