Quotes and Exchanges from Television Programs

[SansFin]

Doctor Who:

 

Rose: If you're an alien, how come you sound like you're from the north?

The Doctor: Lots of planets have a north!

 

Amy Pond: I thought ... well, I started to think you were just a madman with a box.

The Doctor: Amy Pond, there's something you better understand about me, 'cause it's important, and one day your life may depend on it: I am definitely a madman with a box.

 

Rory Williams: He'll be fine. He's a Time Lord!

Amy Pond: It's just what they're called. It doesn't mean he actually knows what he's doing.

 

Melody Malone: I sat with my feet up on my desk and started to make a mental list of the people who'd want me dead. Once I got to fifty, I decided this wasn't helping.

 

The Doctor: You need to start trusting me. It's never been more important.

Amy Pond: But you don't always tell me the truth.

The Doctor: If I always told you the truth, I wouldn't need you to trust me.

 

 

Firefly:

 

Zoë: Captain will come up with a plan.

Kaylee: That's good. Right?

Zoë: Possibly you're not recalling some of his previous plans.

 

Simon: I'm trying to put this as delicately as I can: how do I know you won't kill me in my sleep?

Mal: Listen, you don't know me, son, so I'm gonna say this once: if I ever kill you, you'll be awake, you'll be facing me, and you'll be armed.

Simon: Are you always this sentimental?

Mal: I had a good day.

 

 

Gunslinger Girl:

 

Dr. Bianchi: Be clever like a snake but simple like a pigeon. There's nothing wrong with thinking things over delicately. There's no need to feel shame in acting shrewdly.

[Sepiatone]

From  The Middle: 

 

Axel(the older brother) to younger brother Brick:  "Learn from my mistakes."

 

Brick:  "That's too much to learn!"

 

Both this show and the show "Modern Family" have a lot of snappy patter.  I should jot some of it down for this thread 

 

 

Sepiatone

[SansFin]

May To December:

 

Hilary: My uncle went out with a girl half his age.

Vera Flood: Oh, did it work out?

Hilary: No. My auntie found him and brought him home.

 

 

Sherlock:

 

Watson: You don't trust your own Secret Service?

Mycroft: Naturally not. They all spy on people for money.

 

 

Firefly:

 

Kaylee: Wash, tell me I'm pretty...

Wash: Were I unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion.

Kaylee: 'Cause I'm pretty?

Wash: 'Cause you're pretty.

 

 

[Sepiatone]

From an episode of '70's sitcom MAUDE: 

 

Maude to her elderly, wealthy uncle who married a woman in her '30's, much to Maude's disgust:  "You KNOW that woman only married you for everthing she can get her HANDS on, don't you?"

 

Maude's Uncle:  So what?  That's the SAME REASON why I married HER!"

 

 

Sepiatone

[SansFin]

Gunslinger Girl:

 

Gioseffo: To do a job, any job, you have to learn many different things. Every successful task is merely the completion of many smaller, simpler tasks.

[Sepiatone]

From a mid '70's sitcom called The Dumplings after the comic strip the premise and characters came from and starred JAMES COCO and GERALDINE BROOKS.

 

The title couple ran a diner.  One of the patrons was discussing how she tried Mrs. dumpling's recipe for meatloaf and it didn't turn out as good.  Mrs. Dumpling questioned the woman's method;;;;;

 

Mrs. D:  "Did you put in enough salt?"

 

Patron: "Yes, I put in the amount your recipe called for."

 

Mrs. D:  "Did you use enough onions?"

 

Patron:  "Hey!  I followed YOUR RECIPE to a "T"  !"

 

Mrs. D:  "Did you put in enough LOVE?"

 

Patron(while laughing a bit):  "How do you put LOVE into a MEATLOAF?"

 

Mrs. D:  " The same way you put it into sex! "

 

 

Sepiatone

[EugeniaH]

My favorite quote from The Honeymooners: 

 

Ralph hires a maid for Alice.  Norton, hearing this news, is excited.  "Is she anything like that maid we saw in that burlesque show? You remember, the one that helped Lily St. Cyr into the bathtub full of wine?"

 

Ralph: "Oh no, she's not like that maid. She looks more like the one that installed the bathtub!"

[Sepiatone]

Euginia, my favorite HONEYMOONERS line is when Ralph tells Alice that some thing he's up to will make him a HERO.  He then says to Alice, "You KNOW what a HERO is, don't you?"

 

And SHE retorts, "Yeah.  It's a FAT SANDWICH that's FULL OF BALONEY!" 

 

 

Sepiatone

[SansFin]

Doctor Who:

 

During her first trip:

Amy Pond: I'm in the future. Like, hundreds of years in the future. [pause] I've been dead for centuries.

The Doctor: Oh, lovely. You're a cheery one.

[Dargo]

A scene from the hit '60's TV series THE FUGITIVE.

 

A woman who's about to double-cross the title character because she's eager to claim the reward for the capture of Dr. Richard Kimble:

"After all, he IS a killer, isn't he?!"

 

Police Lieutenant Phillip Gerard:

"Well, he was convicted of killing his wife anyway."

 

(...the first signs in the series that the police Lieutenant might have doubts about his quarry's guilt)

[EugeniaH]

Euginia, my favorite HONEYMOONERS line is when Ralph tells Alice that some thing he's up to will make him a HERO.  He then says to Alice, "You KNOW what a HERO is, don't you?"

 

And SHE retorts, "Yeah.  It's a FAT SANDWICH that's FULL OF BALONEY!" 

 

 

Sepiatone

 

There are so many memorable moments in that series you could quote it 'til the cows come home!! 

[SansFin]

Doctor Who episode: The Impossible Astronaut

 

Amy Pond, Rory Williams, and Dr. River Song are having a private conference. The Doctor intrudes:

The Doctor: I'm being extremely clever up here and there's no one to stand around looking impressed! What's the point in having you all?

 

 

Dr. River Song: He's interacted with his own past. It could rip a hole in the universe.

Amy Pond: Except he's done it before.

Rory Williams: And, in fairness, the universe did blow up.

 

 

When Rory Williams and Dr. River Song find a locked door:

Rory Williams: What's through there?

Dr. River Song: No idea.

Rory Williams: Something bad?

Dr. River Song: Almost definitely.

Rory Williams: You're going to open it, aren't you?

Dr. River Song: Well, it's locked. How's a girl supposed to resist?

Rory Williams: Is this sensible?

Dr. River Song: God, I hope not.

 

 

Dr. River Song stated during their private conference:

Dr. River Song: The Doctor's death doesn't frighten me. Nor does my own. There's a far worse day coming for me.

 

Rory Williams and Dr. River Song are later alone:

Rory Williams: What did you mean? What you said to Amy, there's a worse day coming for you.

Dr. River Song: When I first met The Doctor, a long, long time ago, he knew all about me. Think about that. An impressionable young girl and, suddenly, this man just drops out of the sky and he's clever and mad and wonderful and knows every last thing about her. Imagine what that does to a girl. The trouble is, it's all back-to-front. My past is his future. We're traveling in opposite directions. Every time we meet, I know him more, he knows me less. I live for the days when I see him, but I know that every time I do, he'll be one step further away. And the day is coming when I'll look into that man's eyes - my Doctor - and he won't have the faintest idea who I am. And I think it's going to kill me.

 

This passage is in particular poignant because the first appearance of Dr. River Song was two seasons prior in an episode wherein it was the first time he met her and she did pass out of the world.

[SansFin]

Doctor Who:

 

The Doctor and Dr. River Song find Amy Pond tied to a table and surrounded by aliens. Dr. River Song is heavily armed:

The Doctor [to the aliens]: I know you're team players and everything, but she'll definitely kill the first three of you.

Dr. River Song: Oh the first seven, easily.

The Doctor: Seven. Really?

Dr. River Song: Oh, eight for you, honey.

The Doctor: Stop it.

Dr. River Song: Make me.

The Doctor: Yeah well, maybe I will.

Amy Pond: Is this really important, flirting? Because I feel like I should be higher on the list right now.

[NipkowDisc]

M*A*S*H:

 

dr. borelli: "won't I just be boring you."

 

frank burns: "anything but."

 

hot lips:  oh anything but!"

 

hawkeye: well, there's two butts that say you're wrong."

 

[SansFin]

Doctor Who:

 

Dorium Maldovar is quite similar in temperament, business, and morals as Sydney Greenstreet's character in: Casablanca (1942).

 

 

Dorium Maldovar: I admire your courage. I should like to admire it from afar.

 

 

Dorium Maldovar: Word on the belt is you're looking for time travel.

Dr. River Song: Are you selling?

Dorium Maldovar: [He snaps his fingers. A box is brought to him] A vortex manipulator. Fresh off the wrist of a handsome time agent. [He opens the box and looks inside. He is obviously disappointed.] I said off the wrist.

 

 

In speaking of The Silence:

The Doctor: And they want me dead?

Dorium Maldovar: No, not really. They just don't want you to remain alive.

 

 

[SansFin]

I feel that this is perhaps the most meaningful exchange in any movie or television program:

 

The Doctor: I'm angry, that's new. I'm really not sure what's going to happen now.

Madame Kovarian: The anger of a good man is not a problem. Good men have too many rules.

The Doctor: Good men don't need rules. Today is not the day to find out why I have so many.

 

 

I love the deeply twisted personality revealed in this:

 

Commander Strax: Colonel Manton, you will give the order for your men to withdraw.

The Doctor: No. Colonel Manton, I want you to tell your men to run away.

Colonel Manton: What?

The Doctor: Those words. "Run away." I want you to be famous for those exact words. I want people to call you Colonel Runaway. I want children laughing outside your door 'cause they've found the house of Colonel Runaway. And when people come to you and ask if trying to get to me through the people I love is in any way a good idea, I want you to tell them your name. 

[SansFin]

Phineas and Ferb 

 

Phineas: Nothing's impossible if you believe you can do it.

Buford: Well, I don't believe and therefore it's impossible.

[SansFin]

Firefly:

 

 

Mal is showing Zoe the ship for the first time:

Mal: She won’t be winning any beauty contests anytime soon, but she is solid. Ship like this, be with you ’til the day you die.

Zoe: ‘Cause it’s a death trap.

 

 

Zoe: I know something ain’t right.

Wash: Sweetie, we’re crooks. If everything were right we’d be in jail.

 

 

Zoe: Sir, we don’t want to deal with Patience again.

Mal: Why not?

Zoe: She shot you.

Mal: Well yeah, she did a bit. 

 

 

Zoe: Preacher, don’t the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killin’?

Shepherd Book: Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps.

 

 

Mal: I know you all took up arms in that piece of action back there. How you faring with that, Doctor?

Simon: I don’t know. I never shot anyone before.

Shepherd Book: I was there, son. I’m fair sure you haven’t shot anyone yet.

 

 

[SansFin]

Sherlock:

 

Mycroft: May I just apologize for the state of my little brother.

Harry: Full time occupation I imagine.

 

Harry: You look taller in your photographs.

Sherlock: Take the precaution of a good coat and a short friend.

[SansFin]

The Doctor: Tell me you’re not archaeologists.

River: Got a problem with archaeologists?

The Doctor: I’m a time traveler. I point and laugh at archaeologists.

 

 

The Doctor: Almost every species in the Universe has an irrational fear of the dark. But they’re wrong. ‘Cause it’s not irrational. It’s Vashta Nerada.

Donna: What’s Vashta Nerada?

The Doctor: It’s what’s in the dark. It’s what’s always in the dark.

 

 

The Doctor: Where there’s meat there’s Vashta Nerada. You can see them sometimes. The dust in sunbeams.

Donna: If they were on Earth we’d know.

The Doctor: Nah! Normally they live on road kill. Sometimes people go missing. Not everyone comes back out of the dark.

River: Every shadow?

The Doctor: No. But any shadow.

River: So what do we do?

The Doctor: Daleks: aim for the eyestalk. Sontarans: back of the neck. Vashta Nerada: run. Just run.

 

 

Miss Evangelista: I’m a moron, me. My dad said I have the IQ of plankton, and I was pleased.

Donna: See that’s funny!

Miss Evangelista: No, I really was pleased. Is that funny?

Donna: No… No.

 

 

[Sepiatone]

Both the TV shows THE MIDDLE and MODERN FAMILY are rife with very funny stuff like this.  For example

 

In THE MIDDLE, there was a period when mom (Patricia Heaton) studies to be a dental assistant after losing her job as a car saleslady.

 

One night while she and husband Mike were out, the kids broke the front room window due to their horseplay, and concoct far-fetched excuses as to what "really" happened, and Mom is suspicious, but can't get confessions out of them.

 

She tries then to do a "Marathon Man" type of approach and "practice" some dental assistant methods on the older son.  When the other two kids return from somewhere, the older one blurts out, "Mom found worse things to do to your mouth than MAKE FOOD for it!"

 

On last night's MODERN FAMILY, Ed O'Neil's character, Jay, who owns a company that makes closets, and is retired, had started a podcast of him just spouting off his opinions on modern culture.  There's a respondent in particular that posts very mean and insulting comments about each podcast.  Jay, with the help of his nerdy grand daughter, hunts down the address of the person to confront them and discovers it's the man who was his most feirce competitor in the closet business and a years long hated rival.  In the argument they then have, Jay comments, "I should have KNOW it was you, with all the dumb typos...probably due to those tiny, chubby little fingers."

 

The rival replies, "I've got my MOTHER'S fingers!" to which Jay retorts, "You also got her MOUSTACHE!"  

 

Sepiatone

[NipkowDisc]

from mash...

 

dr. borelli: "I'll just be boring you."

 

frank: "anything but."

 

hot lips: "oh anything but."

 

hawkeye: well, there's two butts that say you're wrong."

 

[GregoryPeckfan]

Mr. Phelps and Barney in Mission: Impossible episode The Seal when the cat "Rusty" is on the beam coming back with the seal in a room with an alarm if anything touches the floor:

 

 

Barney: Come on Rusty. Come on Rusty.

 

 

Rusty meows.

 

Barney: Come on Rusty.

 

Rusty drops the seal on the beam on its side.

 

Jim Phelps: Don't Drop it!

 

 Rusty blinks his eyes and rubs the seal with his chin.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[SansFin]

The Doctor: Can I borrow your horse please? It’s official marshal business.

The Preacher: He’s called Joshua. It’s from the Bible. It means “the Deliverer.”

The Doctor: No he isn’t.

The Preacher: What?

The Doctor: I speak horse. He’s called Susan. And he wants you to respect his life choices.

[SansFin]

Sherlock - Season Two - Episode One:

 

Watson: You want to remember, Sherlock, I was a soldier. I killed people.

Sherlock: You were a doctor!

Watson: I had bad days!

 

Irene Adler: I make my way in the world. I misbehave. I like to know people will be on my side exactly when I need them to be.

Sherlock: So how do you acquire this information?

Irene Adler: I told you. I misbehave.