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Bogie56

Vicious Rumours

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To attract a younger viewing audience, TCM is offering various members of the Kardashian family an Essentials co-host deal.

 

Kim Kardashian, said to be interested after sampling some old movies herself, remarked after seeing The Incredible Mr. Limpet, "That's like, deep!"

I wouldn't mind Kim as co-host if she dressed the way she did on the Roliing Stone cover.

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TCM will no longer be showing the original versions of any movie in any language.  Instead, it will air only the most recently made versions of any book-uh, I meant comic book.....

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TCM is proud to announce, as an adjunct to the TCM Wine Club and in partnership with one of the top Columbian drug cartels, the TCM Controlled Substance Club. 

 

Jennifer Dorian, TCM General Manager and Chief Marketing Guru was quoted as saying:  "We're very happy to bring this lifestyle opportunity to our loyal TCM audience and hope it will also pique the interest of those much desired 'younger demos' we are so desperately seeking.  Now, Let's Get High!"

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You folks are scaring me!

 

I keep having this recurring nightmare, where a bunch of management consultants are all leaping around excitedly after reading the contents of this thread - they all consider it the best idea since sliced wine clubs & immediately run off to pitch it at the next meeting with the head honchos of pretty much the only remaining non-premium channel that doesn't already induce immediate ADD & severe IQ damage in their viewership... :o

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Does your spouse hate your favorite movies?

Do they insist you watch with them movies which are long and boring?

 

Attorneys for TCM are petitioning to have this declared a form of mental cruelty. This will give to you the high ground in divorce proceedings!

 

TCM is partnering with top divorce attorneys across the country to provide high quality legal services at reasonable costs. Attorneys will be allowed to advertise on TCM and use: "TCM-Approved" on their business cards.

 

TCM will be promoting this new service with the tagline: "Let's Split!"

 

Viewers who use this service will receive free box set containing:

 

Where the Trail Divides (1914)
The Divorce of Lady X (1938)
The Women (1939)
The War of the Roses (1989)
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Does your spouse hate your favorite movies?

Do they insist you watch with them movies which are long and boring?

 

Attorneys for TCM are petitioning to have this declared a form of mental cruelty. This will give to you the high ground in divorce proceedings!

 

TCM is partnering with top divorce attorneys across the country to provide high quality legal services at reasonable costs. Attorneys will be allowed to advertise on TCM and use: "TCM-Approved" on their business cards.

 

TCM will be promoting this new service with the tagline: "Let's Split!"

The Criminal Litigation & Ambulance Chasing arm of the same law firm will also be providing high quality discount lawyerin' for participants of the Lets Get High Club who inadvertently end up in the slammer, due to breakage of the 11th commandment.

 

Paid spokesperson. Not licensed in all states. You should see your optician before attempting to the read the really small print before it disappears off the scre....

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Does your spouse hate your favorite movies?

Do they insist you watch with them movies which are long and boring?

 

 

 

 

They may have avoided all of this if HE had just purchased the TCM remote control keychain which allows the user to attach the remote to their belt loop.

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In an effort to boost viewership among the prized 18-34 year old.demographic, TCM has partnered with AMC, and will.stream successive seasons of The Walking.Dead, Breaking Bad, and Mad Men. TCManagement has scheduled a series of seminars with their AMC counterparts, in order to learn what the latter station has done to increase viewers and bring in more revenue to a classic movie station.. In a related move, Bob Dorian and Nick Clooney have been hired to explain the finer points of Robert Osborne's and Ben Mankiewicz' retirement plans to them, and their future options.

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********************************************NEWS FLASH**************************************************

 

 

 

TCM is going to finally live up to it's name and only show bonifide classics. However, because the definition of what is a classic film is so vague and means different things to different people and TCM doesn't want to alienate anyone, TCM will be showing the same type of films it always does.

 

"BOLD MOVEMENT ON THE PART OF TCM" DECLARES ROBERT OSBORNE. 

 

"I'VE NEVER SEEN SUCH A LARGE MOVEMENT" ECHOES BEN MANKIEWICZ

 

 

 

 

****************************************************************************************************************

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In an effort to force out an increasingly decrepit Robert Osborne, TCM will have him headline an new series where he punks aging movie stars--usually by having him offer them major roles in non-existant films.

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Is this really true?   What would the criteria be?   Number of posts, good spelling, evidence of classic movie knowledge  or is this just a joke....tell me please.  I love the caption on the different corporate sponsors.  

 

I have to say this is the first month in my 20 years of watching TCM that I have been totally turned off by the offerings, the way they were presented and the total lack of information, either posted as an introduction to the film or in the full schedule.  I watch movies and am totally clueless as to what made them eligible for the 31 YEARS of OSCAR unless I access Google.  Too much trouble.

 

My answer to your question is the title of this thread.

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The powers that be at TCM finally start analyzing the message board statistics and award the poster with the highest view and post counts with an on-air guest programmer spot.  There will also be a message board poll where the members will vote for who they deem the most influential poster and the winner will be given a position on the TCM programming staff and will be put in charge of determining the poll questions for The Inner Circle.

 

There is a sudden frenzy of activity due to all the new posters, posts and threads that emerge--everyone is trying to increase their presence in the community.  There is so much activity in fact, that the daily spam attacks are never seen due to their being buried underneath pages and pages of conversation.  

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The powers that be at TCM finally start analyzing the message board statistics and award the poster with the highest view and post counts with an on-air guest programmer spot.  There will also be a message board poll where the members will vote for who they deem the most influential poster and the winner will be given a position on the TCM programming staff and will be put in charge of determining the poll questions for The Inner Circle.

 

You just made one particular member pee a little bit.

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TCM is hosting the next Democratic Presidential debate, with Drew Barrymore as moderator. Bernie Sanders is set to propose free TCM for everyone, while Hillary Clinton must deal with her latest controversy - namely, how posters' personal information from the "TCM Inner Circle" wound up on her personal server. Meanwhile, Robert Osborne, often criticized for making on-air mistakes, has received unexpected support from Marco Rubio. Says Rubio: "He knows exactly what he's doing."

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TCM is hosting the next Democratic Presidential debate, with Drew Barrymore as moderator. Bernie Sanders is set to propose free TCM for everyone, while Hillary Clinton must deal with her latest controversy - namely, how posters' personal information from the "TCM Inner Circle" wound up on her personal server. Meanwhile, Robert Osborne, often criticized for making on-air mistakes, has received unexpected support from Marco Rubio. Says Rubio: "He knows exactly what he's doing."

 

...Meanwhile, Republican candidate front runner Donald Trump will be hosting, of all things, the "Silent Sundays" segment of TCM.  "It's gonna be INCREDIBLE!" says Trump.  "You're gonna LOVE IT.  I'm going to make this program the BEST IT'S EVER BEEN!"

 

As for those viewers who don't like silent movies, Trump dismisses them with a wave of his hand.  "I'm gonna build a satellite WALL, so any complainers won't be able to receive TCM at ALL, from ANY cable provider!  It's gonna be INCREDIBLE!  Don't worry about it!"  adds Trump.

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TCM is hosting the next Democratic Presidential debate, with Drew Barrymore as moderator. Bernie Sanders is set to propose free TCM for everyone, while Hillary Clinton must deal with her latest controversy - namely, how posters' personal information from the "TCM Inner Circle" wound up on her personal server. Meanwhile, Robert Osborne, often criticized for making on-air mistakes, has received unexpected support from Marco Rubio. Says Rubio: "He knows exactly what he's doing."

Chris Christie, who brought down Rubio, is having an affair with Kim Kardashian. They came together as a result of the mutuality of their outsized rear ends.

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Chris Christie, who brought down Rubio, is having an affair with Kim Kardashian. They came together as a result of the mutuality of their outsized rear ends.

They just released a video where they are dancing cheek to cheek.

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I hope sincerely that this is not just a rumor as I was so looking forward to the highly touted remake of "Some Like It Hot" as directed by Spike Lee.

 

As Spike says, it is about time that black actors get to play women musicians on screen, and why is it that only white bread folk like Tony and Jack get such chances in Hollywood.

 

The cast will include Kanye West in the Joe/Josephine role, Drake in the Jerry/Daphne[?] part, Cedric the Entertainer as Osgood Fielding III, with Eddie Murphy as Mama Fielding [never shown sadly in the Billy Wilder version], Anthony Anderson as "Antoine" Spats Columbo and most importantly, Lil'* Kim as Sugar Kane Kowalski [or whatever her name was].

The Saint Valentine's Day Massacre might be changed to something more relevant to the cast like the Watts riots or O.J.'s highway chase scene.

 

Oh, forgot to say that the title is being changed also to "Some Hotties Like It!". 

 

*Sorry for the incorrectly placed apostrophe.

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Welcome to the TCM Swine Club...

TCM partners with Boss Hog's Premium Pork Farms to provide gourmet porcine products for the discerning classic movie fan!
From pork scratchings to ham hocks, shoulder cuts & smoky bacon, there'll be something to please all but the most ardent vegan.

The exclusive, curated collection will tie in with specially themed spotlight nights, starting with:

  • Babe
  • Babe: Pig in the City
  • Rare P-p-p-porky Pig animated shorts from the Looney Tunes archive
  • Every film where George Sanders plays a suave, aristocratic, but thoroughly evil monocled schweinhund**

**Due to rights issues, Canadian viewers will instead see Pork Chop Hill, Goodbye Pork Pie & Delicatessen.
 

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Guess you haven't heard the latest rumor about this Spike Lee "Some Like It Hot" thing, eh CG?! 

 

Cedric the Entertainer is out for the Osgood role.

 

(...and now that Cosby is in, they're workin' on a slight rewrite as to how the Osgood character "seduces" the Jerry/Daphne character)

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Guess you haven't heard the latest rumor about this Spike Lee "Some Like It Hot" thing, eh CG?! 

 

Cedric the Entertainer is out for the Osgood role.

 

(...and now that Cosby is in, they're workin' on a slight rewrite as to how the Osgood character "seduces" the Jerry/Daphne character)

Dargo, I can only hope that Spike does not insist on shooting a scene at the Hotel Del Coronado, with Bill as Osgood trying to give Daphne an audition in his hotel room.

 

At least when Joe E. Brown went after a woman he did give them a really nice diamond bracelet or such!

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Welcome to the TCM Swine Club...

 

 

 

The exclusive, curated collection will tie in with specially themed spotlight nights, starting with:

  • Babe
  • Babe: Pig in the City
  • Rare P-p-p-porky Pig animated shorts from the Looney Tunes archive
  • Every film where George Sanders plays a suave, aristocratic, but thoroughly evil monocled schweinhund**

**Due to rights issues, Canadian viewers will instead see Pork Chop Hill, Goodbye Pork Pie & Delicatessen.

 

 

Why can't Canadians EVER get a break with TCM? Not even a P-P-P-Porky Pig cartoon! We always get the ham hock leftovers!

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