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Jump_Raven

Pointless Thread

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" Oh you burned your finger that evening

while my back was turned

I asked the waiter for iodine

But I dined alone

 

Your red scarf matches your eyes

You close your cover before striking

Father had the ship-fitter blues

Loving you has made me bananas"

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A group of Friars were behind on their mortgage payments on the abbey, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise money. Since everyone in town liked to buy flowers from the "Men of God," the rival florist across town saw his business take a tumble and thought the competition unfair.

 

The rival florist called and asked the good Friars to close down, but they refused. He personally went to the abbey to plead with the Friars, but they ignored him. He asked his mother to ask the Friars to get out of the florist business. They ignored her, too. So the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and meanest thug in town to "persuade" the Friars to close. Hugh went over to the abbey, beat the Friars up, trashed the shop, and left saying he'd be back if the Friars didn't close their florist business.

 

Terrified, the Friars did so, thereby proving, "That Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist Friars."

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A guy enters the monastery and he has to take a vow of silence, but once a year he can write a word on the chalkboard in front of the head monk. And so the first year, it's tough not to talk, but Word Day comes around and the monk writes, "The" on the chalkboard. And the second year is very painful -- it's very difficult not to talk -- and finally the Word Day rolls around. The monk scratches "food" on the chalkboard and enters his third year, which is excrutiating, and the monk struggles through it, and when the day rolls around again, he writes "stinks." And the head monk says, "What's with you? You've been here for three years and all you've done is complain."

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A tourist walks into a bar in Montana, and is astounded to see a dog sitting in a chair apparently playing poker with a couple of ranchers.

 

The tourist goes up to the bartender and asks, "Can that dog really play poker?"

 

"Yeah," replies the bartender, "but he ain't much good. Whenever he gets a good hand, he wags his tail..."

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When the Doge did his duty and the Duke didn't, that's when the Duchess did the dirt to the Duke with the Doge.

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If six Chinamen get off a train at Las Vegas, and two of them are found floating face down in a goldfish bowl, and the only thing they can find to identify them are two telephone numbers...

one, Plaza -0-0000

and the other, Columbus-1492 ...

what time did the train get to Palm Springs?

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A married couple in their nineties is seeking a divorce after seventy years or so of marriage.

The judge asked "Why after all these years did you wait until now to get a divorce?"

The husband replied, "We wanted to wait until the children died."

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