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Well, that's Life.

What's Life?

It's a magazine.

How much does it cost?

Ten cents.

I've only got a nickel.

Well, that's Life.

What's Life?

It's a magazine.

How much does it cost?

Ten cents.

I've only got a nickel.

Well, that's Life.

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Young?s Handy Guide to the Modern Sciences: If it's green or it wiggles, it's Biology. If it stinks, it's Chemistry. If it doesn?t work, it's Physics.

 

Cerf?s Extensions to Young?s Handy Guide to Modern Science: If it?s incomprehensible, it?s mathematics. If it doesn?t make sense, it?s either economics or psychology.

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Ginsberg?s Theorem (Generalized Laws of Thermodynamics): 1. You can?t win. 2. You can?t break even. 3. You can?t even quit the game.

 

Ehrman?s Commentary on Ginsberg?s Theorem: 1. Things will get worse before they get better. 2. Who said things would get better?

 

Freeman?s Commentary on Ginsberg?s Theorem: Every major philosophy that attempts to make life seem meaningful is based on the negation of one part of Ginsberg?s Theorem. To wit: 1. Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win. 2. Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even. 3. Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the game.

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Abu al-Zarqawi died; George Washington met him at the Pearly Gates. He slapped him across the face and yelled, "How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive!"

 

Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, "You wanted to end our liberties but you failed!"

 

James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin and said, "This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!"

 

Thomas Jefferson was next, beat al-Zarqawi with a long cane and snarled, "It was evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence."

 

The beatings and thrashings continued as George Mason, James Monroe and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the terrorist Leader. As al-Zarqawi lay bleeding and in pain, an Angel appeared. Al-Zarqawi wept and said, "This is not what you promised me."

 

The Angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said?"

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