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Jump_Raven
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Puppy Commandments

 

Thou shalt not **** nor **** in thy human's house, nor the carpets thereof, for it is not a toilet.

 

Thou shalt not roll thy toys under the sofa, nor the bed, nor any other low place.

 

Thou shalt not beg at thy humans dinner table when thy humans are trying to eat.

 

Thou shalt not accept morsels under the table from thy small humans. Encourage them not, nor be tempted by them, lest ye share in there iniquity.

 

Thou salt not scoff down thy food like unto one starving to death.

 

Thou salt not carry thy food from thy bowl in the kitchen to the living room carpet to eat it.

 

Thou shalt not eat the cat's food.

 

Thou shalt not quench thy thirst from the toilet.

 

Thou salt not eat from the kitty litter box, for it is not food.

 

Thou salt not lick thy humans face after eating from the kitty litter box, for it is an abomination unto thy human.

 

Thou salt not seek out and eat dirty diapers.

 

Thou shalt not eat grass and come inside the house to throw up on the carpet.

 

Thou shalt not chew up thy human's shoes nor any other articles of clothing, for they are not food.

 

Thou shalt not chew holes in the sofa cushions.

 

Thou shalt not chew the ornaments of the Christmas tree nor the wires thereof.

 

Thou shalt not **** thy leg and **** on the Christmas tree, for it needeth not watering.

 

Thou shalt not lie under thy human's computer desk amongst the wires and cables without number, and chew thereon.

 

Thou salt not play tug-of-war with thy human's underwear when he's on the toilet.

 

Thou salt not steal thy human's underwear from the bathroom floor and flee with it to a secret place.

 

Thou shalt not unravel the toilet paper and tear it to shreds.

 

Thou shalt not aggravate the cat, for she liketh it not, and hath sharp claws.

 

Thou shalt not bury thy nose in the crotch of any human thou encounters and sniff thereof.

 

Thou shalt not make love to the leg of a human, nor the furniture, nor the cat, even when she is in heat and has lost her mind.

 

Thou shalt learn to control thy bladder and thy bowels. For standing at the back door and wailing like unto a Banshee to be let out at 3 of the clock in the morning is an abomination to thy human.

 

Thou shalt shake off the rainwater from thy fur before entering the house.

 

Thou shalt not bring any dead or unclean thing into thy human's house.

 

Thou shalt not roll around in any foul or unclean thing thou findeth in the yard.

 

Thou shalt not dig up any plants thou findeth in the yard for they are the pride and joy of thy human, and thou art not a Landscape gardener.

 

Thou shalt not push over the garbage can, nor root therein.

 

Thou shalt not molest the Garbage Man for he stealeth not.

 

Thou shalt not molest the Mailman, nor the Cable guy, nor the Plumber for they are upright in the eyes of thy human and stealeth not.

 

Thou shalt not sit on thy rear end and moveth not when on a leash.

 

Thou shalt not jump around nor whine and carry on like unto one possessed to get thy human to open the car window when it is raining.

 

Thou shalt not be constantly under the feet of thy human, for thou wilst most certainly be stepped on.

 

Thou shalt shun any contact with thy humans Mother-in-law, for she is a disciple of the Satan.

 

Thou shalt not question any apparently irrational behavior in the actions of thy human, for thou art a beast and have no understanding.

 

Amen

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four's the point...four's the point...

c'mon, four...need that four...

c'mon, baby, a four-spot for daddy...

need that four...one time...

that's all I need...gimme the four...

c'mon, four...shooter's comin' out...

new pair 'o' shoes...trey plus one...

all I need...make it work...one time...........................................

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