DavidEnglish Posted July 18, 2006 Share Posted July 18, 2006 [nobr][/nobr] [nobr][/nobr]^ Missing Point Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black_and_WhiteCharm Posted July 18, 2006 Share Posted July 18, 2006 JOKES FROM GERMANY Knock, knock. Who's there? The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband is in hospital. A man walks into a pub. He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family. Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge? She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem. What do you call a cat with no tail? A Manx cat. Why do undertakers wear ties? Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas. How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb? One. Two men are sitting in a pub. One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.' The other man replies: 'Yes, she has turned to prostitution to subsidise her drug habit.' Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off. Why are there no aspirin in the jungle? Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BallofFire Posted July 18, 2006 Share Posted July 18, 2006 Back to nature! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TOOMANYNOTES Posted July 18, 2006 Share Posted July 18, 2006 ' Message was edited by: TOOMANYNOTES Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jump_Raven Posted July 18, 2006 Author Share Posted July 18, 2006 Melies says: I have four words for you. Just four words. Long Distance Wireless Photography. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jarhfive Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 A man, a plan, a canal, Suez. Able was I ere I saw Waterloo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SUSAN Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 Man plans, God laughs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BallofFire Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 You told them my name was Bone and you didn't tell me. You told them I was a big game hunter and you didn't tell me. You told them I was a friend of your brother Mark and you didn't tell me. You told them I was crazy and you didn't tell me. You tell anyone anything that pops into your head, but you don't tell me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SUSAN Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 You've just had a bad day, that's all. That's a masterpiece of understatement! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BallofFire Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 This is my ball- see it's round. Well of course it's round. It wouldn't roll if it were square. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ayresorchids Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 Lafayette, we are here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BallofFire Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 Lafayette's here too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jump_Raven Posted July 19, 2006 Author Share Posted July 19, 2006 Melies says: Don't store things in boxes because you never know what will come out of them later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DavidEnglish Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 [nobr][/nobr] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdb1 Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Lawyer jokes!! Q: What do you have when you have three lawyers up to their necks in mud? A: Not enough mud. Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? A: His/her lips are moving. Variation: Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? A: Other lawyers look interested. Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? A: Lawyers collect frequent flyer miles. OR: Lawyers wear jewelry. Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and God? A: God doesn't think he's a lawyer. Apparently legally necessary disclaimer: I'm not a lawyer, and I don't play one on TV. (However, I've worked for lawyers for 30 years, so I know what I'm talking about [that's scienter].) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BallofFire Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Moses supposes his toeses are roses But Moses supposes erroneously For Moses he knowses his toeses aren't roses As Moses supposes his toeses to be Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DavidEnglish Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Infinity is one lawyer waiting for another. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarboManiac Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Apeak-a-boocalypse Now! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SUSAN Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Don, it'll be a sensation! "Lamont and Lockwood: they talk!" Well of *course* we talk. Don't everybody? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BallofFire Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 I ain't lookin' for trouble- but if trouble comes lookin' for me- I'm gonna be awfully hard to find Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ayresorchids Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 A rose is a rose! A toes is a toes! A Mose is a Mose! Whoop-dee-doodle-doodle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BallofFire Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Here's a happy tune- That'll bring you a smile all the while you croon it you're really in style -and the title is Sam's Song. It's catchy as can be- With a slight little beat and a melody sweet keeps you tapping your feet -and the title is Sam's Song. Nothing on your mind- 'cept the news of the day and the bills you must pay keeps your hair turning gray -but you're still humming Sam's song People that you know- hello, Joe, what you know say remind me to Moe tell him business is slow -but I'm whistling Sam's Song Every one you see- has a story to tell or a gimmick to sell but agrees that it's swell and it's really a grand song So forget your troubles and wear a smile you'll find you'll never go wrong If you learn to croon- like a lark in the park who is making his mark serenading the dark with a chorus of Sam's Song If you learn to croon this happy tune they call it Sam's Song. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
movieman1957 Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Lawyer Joke Variations: Q. What is three lawyers at the bottom of a river? A. A good start. Q. Why don't sharks eat lawyers? A. Professional courtesy. My disclaimer is my brother-in-law is a lawyer and he doesn't fit this particular group. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdb1 Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 I've got more lawyer jokes: Q: What's the difference between a bad lawyer and a good lawyer? A: The bad lawyer may let a case drag on for years. The good lawyer can make it go on even longer. Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer? A: An offer you can't understand. Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: How many can you afford? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
movieman1957 Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Light Bulb Joke Variations: Q. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? A. None. It has to want to change. Q. How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb? A. CHANGE? What do you mean change? * * I've been a Baptist all my life. (We're getting better.) Message was edited by: Me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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