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In the 1920's a group of American prospectors is searching for gold in Mexico. They get lost, their mule dies, they run out of food. They hunt small game with their pistols, but are only able to kill a few badgers, which taste terrible. One night, they see the lights of a distant campfire! The hungry and exhausted prospectors decide to visit; if nothing else, they can find out the way back to civilization. They introduce themselves, and comment to the camp leader that whatever this band of Mexicans is eating sure smells good. "Venison," replies the leader. "Really," says a prospector, "all we've been able to kill and eat are badgers." "Badgers!" growls the Mexican. "We don't eat no steenkin' badgers!"

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Hey GarboManiac -- I saw this sign myself in the window of a Tribeca jewelry shop near Manhattan Community College:




Hmmmmm . . . . . please, not the lobes!!

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Ereway inhay the oneymay,

Ereway inhay the onemay

Eveway otgay ayay otlay ofway atwhay itay akestay otay etgay aylayongwayo!


Ereway inhay the oneymay,

Ethay iesksays are unnysay

Oldmay anday eedayessionpray ouyay aray oothray ootay unday usay ongwrayo!


Eway evernay eesay eadlayinelay

Ayofay eadbrayinelay otayayday,

Anday enwhay eway eesay ethay andlayord

We'll ooklay atthay uygay ightray inay ethay eyeyay!

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Man having haircut at the barbers


Barber: How would you like your hair cut sir?

Man: I'd like a Tony Curtis please.

Barber: Very good sir.


Barber spends next 10 minutes clean-shaving mans head.


Man: Good God! What have you done? Don't you know who Tony Curtis is?

Barber: Of course I do - I've seen "The King and I" 3 times!



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There's an island way out in the sea

Where the babies they all grow on trees

And it's jolly good fun

To swing in the sun

But you gotta watch out if you sneeze-sneeze

You gotta watch out if you sneeze


Yeah you gotta watch out if you sneeze

For swingin' up there in the breeze

You're liable to cough

You might very well fall off

And tumble down flop on your knees-knees

Tumble down flop on your knees


And when the stormy winds wail

And the breezes blow high in a gale

There's a curious dropping and flopping and plopping

And fat little babies just hail-hail

Fat little babies just hail


And the babies lie there in a pile

And the adults they come after awhile

And they always pass by

All the babies that cry

And take only babies that smile-smile

They take only babies that smile...

Even triplets and twins if they'll smile


[Paul Kantner, The Baby Tree lyrics

Words/Music: Rosalie Sorrells]

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Two ropes go into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out of here. We don't serve ropes in here." The ropes go outside, and one says to the other, "I have an idea." He ties himself up, messes up his hair, and goes back in. The bartender says, "Hey. No ropes." The rope says, "I'm not a rope." The bartender says, "You're not a rope?" "Nope. I'm a frayed knot."

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Dentist: That new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. I'll bet you've been eating a lot of Hollandaise sauce, haven't you.

Mary: Yeah, I have.

Dentist: I thought so. You see, Hollandaise sauce has lemon juice in it which is highly corrosive. So I'll have to make you a new plate. And this time instead of silver, I'll make it out of chrome.

Mary: Why chrome?

Dentist: Well, there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise.

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