karlofffan Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 In the 1920's a group of American prospectors is searching for gold in Mexico. They get lost, their mule dies, they run out of food. They hunt small game with their pistols, but are only able to kill a few badgers, which taste terrible. One night, they see the lights of a distant campfire! The hungry and exhausted prospectors decide to visit; if nothing else, they can find out the way back to civilization. They introduce themselves, and comment to the camp leader that whatever this band of Mexicans is eating sure smells good. "Venison," replies the leader. "Really," says a prospector, "all we've been able to kill and eat are badgers." "Badgers!" growls the Mexican. "We don't eat no steenkin' badgers!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jump_Raven Posted July 30, 2006 Author Share Posted July 30, 2006 Melies says: Help! I'm trapped in a static camera! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarboManiac Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 Seen in print: "Drink hole milk from happy cows!" "Use Oil of Oily" "New Hope for Stuttterers!" "Michael Jackson Returns From Touching Orphan Tour." " . . . including curse control!" (Now that's what I need in my car!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdb1 Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 Hey GarboManiac -- I saw this sign myself in the window of a Tribeca jewelry shop near Manhattan Community College: EAR PIERCING: 10% OFF ALL STUDENTS Hmmmmm . . . . . please, not the lobes!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarboManiac Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 Ha! I'll take one! If I show my membership card can I get an additional 10% off! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarboManiac Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 "The secret of being a bore, it to tell everything you know!" - Voltaire Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarboManiac Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 "Passion never reasons!" - du Barry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarboManiac Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 "Sorrow can make us very good, or very bad." - George Sand Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdb1 Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 "One's real life is often the life one does not lead." -- Oscar Wilde Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jump_Raven Posted July 31, 2006 Author Share Posted July 31, 2006 Melies says: Don't fall asleep! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ayresorchids Posted August 1, 2006 Share Posted August 1, 2006 Ereway inhay the oneymay, Ereway inhay the onemay Eveway otgay ayay otlay ofway atwhay itay akestay otay etgay aylayongwayo! Ereway inhay the oneymay, Ethay iesksays are unnysay Oldmay anday eedayessionpray ouyay aray oothray ootay unday usay ongwrayo! Eway evernay eesay eadlayinelay Ayofay eadbrayinelay otayayday, Anday enwhay eway eesay ethay andlayord We'll ooklay atthay uygay ightray inay ethay eyeyay! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarboManiac Posted August 1, 2006 Share Posted August 1, 2006 Love those old Thirties' musicals! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DavidEnglish Posted August 1, 2006 Share Posted August 1, 2006 [nobr][/nobr] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jump_Raven Posted August 1, 2006 Author Share Posted August 1, 2006 HeadOn, apply directly to the forehead. HeadOn, apply directly to the forehead. HeadOn, apply directly to the forehead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coolrob1955 Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 Man having haircut at the barbers Barber: How would you like your hair cut sir? Man: I'd like a Tony Curtis please. Barber: Very good sir. Barber spends next 10 minutes clean-shaving mans head. Man: Good God! What have you done? Don't you know who Tony Curtis is? Barber: Of course I do - I've seen "The King and I" 3 times! Regards Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdb1 Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 Barber, Barber, Shave a pig. How many hairs to make a wig? Four-and-twenty. That's enough. Give the barber a pinch of snuff! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DavidEnglish Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 There's an island way out in the sea Where the babies they all grow on trees And it's jolly good fun To swing in the sun But you gotta watch out if you sneeze-sneeze You gotta watch out if you sneeze Yeah you gotta watch out if you sneeze For swingin' up there in the breeze You're liable to cough You might very well fall off And tumble down flop on your knees-knees Tumble down flop on your knees And when the stormy winds wail And the breezes blow high in a gale There's a curious dropping and flopping and plopping And fat little babies just hail-hail Fat little babies just hail And the babies lie there in a pile And the adults they come after awhile And they always pass by All the babies that cry And take only babies that smile-smile They take only babies that smile... Even triplets and twins if they'll smile [Paul Kantner, The Baby Tree lyrics Words/Music: Rosalie Sorrells] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DavidEnglish Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 [nobr][/nobr] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jump_Raven Posted August 2, 2006 Author Share Posted August 2, 2006 I am a great teacher, not a great lover. That's right, Armand. No one could ever accuse you of being a great lover. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarboManiac Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 "Save me from my friends!" - Voltaire Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DavidEnglish Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 Two ropes go into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out of here. We don't serve ropes in here." The ropes go outside, and one says to the other, "I have an idea." He ties himself up, messes up his hair, and goes back in. The bartender says, "Hey. No ropes." The rope says, "I'm not a rope." The bartender says, "You're not a rope?" "Nope. I'm a frayed knot." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DavidEnglish Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DavidEnglish Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 Darth: LUKE SKYWALKER, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GETTING FOR CHRISTMAS. Luke: How do you know? Darth: I FELT YOUR PRESENTS. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DavidEnglish Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 Dentist: That new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. I'll bet you've been eating a lot of Hollandaise sauce, haven't you. Mary: Yeah, I have. Dentist: I thought so. You see, Hollandaise sauce has lemon juice in it which is highly corrosive. So I'll have to make you a new plate. And this time instead of silver, I'll make it out of chrome. Mary: Why chrome? Dentist: Well, there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ayresorchids Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 Bennett Cerf would be proud. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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